Another MIL problem...she is really behaving like a pest..

anika987 · Nov 21, 2015

My mil seems to have gotten a gold medal for her studies in yesterday years,good for her but not one day has passed without her mentioning how intelligent she is and how she is a gold medalist..

1) to even appreciate me for cleaning the house she will say..
" Good house job..me, a gold medalist,is telling you"
lit is irritating beyond words after sometime..

problem is is she insults anyone who is not a professional degree holder.
and to top it I had couple of arrears back in college.so according to her I am not good enough.

many instances..
1) I wanted my son to marry a software engineer with good degree but what to do..he choose you.
2) "she has studied better than you..a professional degree holder..so you watch out for those women who r well educated!"
3) I wanted to pursue some course.she said" sorry,you cannot do it.it requires hard work"
4) she always compares me with consisted who has earned a lakh every month when she was working in INdia.
5)she smirks if I even say the word studies..

it it is too painful guys..very very annoying to be treated like a nobody

honestly,am not too keen on pursuing education but to be always criticized even after 10 years of wedding is beyond painfully.to top it,it is affecting my marriage in many ways..she insults every aspect of what I do be it dressing,cooking,going out connecting me with my education.it makes me so nauseous and trust me I did Puke once out of misery.

the only way I see to shut mil is to earn a gold model now by pursuing some education or really need to do something to shut her up..

do not know what to do.

lavii · Nov 21, 2015

Do you think if you are going to get gold medal now she ends flaunting about her medals?
She may start saying In those days she got it and its easy now...
We cannot keep changing/achieving things because others think it’s a pre requisite.
Not every gold medalist is a conqueror of life.
Did you ever say her you are getting hurt when she is trying to make derogatory comments about people who dint do well in studies? What was her reaction?
Please show your MIL how people like Billgates,Micheal Dell,Thomas Edison,Albert Einstien ,WaltDisnet etc who are dropouts in school but very very successful in life.

SmilingGirl02 · Nov 21, 2015

Yeah it is really irritating. I remember same thing happened with my cousin uncle.one day he insulted lady saying "please ask her how to clean your butt as she is very smart. " lady stop insulting him.
Might be bad idea for you..

Jazmine83 · Nov 21, 2015

she is not gonna stop...you join the band wagon, before she says she is a gold medalist, you say that.
casually ask her questions like..why do stars twinkle, why is the sky blue, what gas is the most present on earth atmosphere(lot of people get this wrong) and few other basic science questions...

and when she gets them wrong...say che ma, you are a gold medalist you should be knowing this

soulful · Nov 21, 2015

@Jazmine83

Lol that is awesome! You must definitely try this option, OP.

Why is water wet or

why is fire hot? or

when we have two eyes, why do we only see one picture (read somewhere on the internet) or
How do birds fly and the fish swim and not the other way aroundHarhar

Let us know, how it went!

P.S. If nothing works, always give a smile and move away. You let it affect you, she wins

satchitananda · Nov 21, 2015

"Padh, padh kar is jag mua hua na pandit koi
Dhai akshar prem ka padhe so pandit hoye"

This is a very famous doha of Kabir where he says nobody became a pandit through studying a lot. One who learns a few words of kindness is a true pandit" and it applies perfectly to your mil.

Do you genuinely want to study more for your own sake? If you do, go ahead and don't discuss the matter with her or ask for / expect her approval or encouragement.

If you are not keen on studying further, just don't bother about her. She has a chip on her shoulder and some kind of a complex about her worth as a human being if she needs to constantly hide behind her gold medal. She deserves pity not anger.

Does she live in the US? Does she work or did she work? What is she doing now? She will go to the same grave as an illiterate person and she can't carry her gold medal with her. Remember that and stop worrying over her stupidity.

Visasri · Nov 21, 2015

OP,
Just tell, studies does not matter. What matters is manners. If one goes off blowing their own trumpet, it is coz no one is there to appreciate it, or it is false, or the person is sick enough to stay in the same well. Just tell this once. She would shut up. If not, divert topics, and stay off.

generic · Nov 21, 2015

First of all OP, it is not at all necessary that a person who is a gold medallist and good at academics will always be successful in family life also..And this is typical MIL nature, every MIL feels that her DIL is not good enough for her "extremely intelligent , talented, successful, good, handsome son"...
Some MILs are particular about looks and criticize DIL looks,,some comment about DIL's family background/financial status/job/salary/degree/marks etc..
If you want to achieve anything, do it for yourself not your MIL.

twinklingstar · Nov 21, 2015

ur mil is mentally sick and self praising person i feel.
let her live that way ..whenever she starts saying or self praising starts just leave by saying excuse me i think i kept something on stove or i think i left geyser on (if u already in kitchen) or ur mobile or bell ringing whatever u find suitable at time and leave place. she will get idea that she has no audience and will stop doing it.
u listen hence she preaches....

pear · Nov 21, 2015

Dear op,

Instead of trying to go after a gold medal ,how about investing time in reading some funny stories on

1. self praising people.

2. Marks and degrees dont translate into intelligence .

3.higher marks dont translate to goodness

If nothing works try to refer to her gold medal yourself again and again till it losses its sheen.You could also refer to stories of how there are MILs who could never bring themselves to appreciate anything about thier DILs.

Even if the DIL is a well educated highly earning woman and a dream cook .........still the MIL would find a reason to downgrade her ........like how little time she spends for home and unavailability of her to serve hot lunches to PILs/dh........how she is not involved in sweeping and swapping and washing clothes personally.........how she wastes money in clothes more than a home maker.........why she cant wear bigger bindi and flowers on fridays....... how she cant do every imaginable lenghty poojas.So the obtaining of a gold medal wont stop her from downgrading you ,she would still find a different reason to call you dump and inefficient.Try to counter it or laugh it off,if you show your hurt expect her to go more aggressive in her attach.

How does your dh react to his moms downgrading you ? it happens behind his back ?your kids ifany is witness to her repeated talks?.............if thats the case you really have a problem in your hands.