Just venting out

I don't know why am I even writing this out...but I guess I wanted to vent out. I know this is not a huge problem (don't even know if it is a problem or not) that I have considering the issues that other members have discussed here. But, I just wanted it out of my system so that I can move on.
I have been married for 2.5 years and have a 10 month old son, and settled in USA. My in-laws are here these days visitng us. I do not have the best of the relations with my MIL, but they are not very bad either. We do have our share of mis-understandings but have kind of learnt to deal with each other by now.
I got my first setback when after marraige I realised how orthodox my in-laws were. They made me do wear all the "taazeebs" and all. They are very strict about npt washin clothes on certain days, not washing hair on certain days, not sweeping the floor at certain time and so on.Coming from a rather modern family, I found all this ridiculous....no offense anyone. But sooner I realized that if this is something that will make them happy, it's ok.
Then 3 months after our marriage, they visited us here in US for 6 months. I tried to give my best and used to take care of them fully. I was moving from another state to my husband's house at that time, so it was a little hard for me with all the moving and adjusting to the new job and all. I did have a couple of arguments with my MIL at that time...but every time I aplologized to her, irrespective of whose fault it was. I just felt that there was no point arguing and disturbing the peace of our house. I tried talking with my husband about her a few times and soon realized that this was not going to work, so just accepted things as they were.
After they left, I got pregnant. Whenever we used to talk to them on the phone my MIL would always ask about my docotor's appointments, and if the baby was fine and all. Not once did she ask me how I was feeling. I ignored it.
Once during one of our phone conversations, she said that she showed my horoscope to one of the pandits to know if I would have a boy or girl. It seems the pandit said to her that her bahu is very cunning and clever, and that I always fight with her. She actually told this to me on my face, with my husband listening on the speaker phone. I was shocked, and was really upset by the lack of reaction from my husband. Gradually I forgot about this, until a few days back when she again mentioned it, and it hurt me again.
I had a rather difficult delivery, however, no one from my husband's family even asked once about my health after delivery. All they were concerned about was if their grand-son was ok.
Now, they are here and taking care of my son during the day. By taking care I mean, they have to mix up the formula for him in bottles already prepeared by me, and play with him, or put him in bed for his naps. Evenings when I get back home, I get busy with cooking dinner and next day's lunch and cleaning/sterlizing my son's feeding bottles. And then I massage him and bathe him and put him to bed. By the time all this gets done, I am tired and ready to crash. All this while, my in-lwas and my husband are watching TV.
My husband I think, feels that it is his duty to spend all his time with them when they are visiting us. If it was for a few days, I understand this. But when it is for so many months, I do not see much sense in this. Well, so by the time he is done chatting or watchin TV with them, I am asleep and we hardly get to see each other, let alone talk to each other. I have tried to talk to him at times, but always my MIL would interfere. She wants to be in control of everything. Even though I do all the cooking/cleaning she dictates what to cook and how to cook.
I know this is my family now, and I try to be happy with everyone at home as much as I can, but at times I do feel frustrated. And being alone and no one to talk to makes it worse. At times I feel sorry that, I had loved a person whom I don't even know anymore, who seems like a stranger to me.
I feel sad and depressed and the only moments of joy for me are when I am with my son.

Hi Sweetpea,

I understand your problem. I am exactly in your situaton at this point.

Even my DH feels like its his duty to give the best time his parents. I understand that. They already came once, when I was pregnant. He spent all the time with them while I do the cooking and just go to bed on my own. I used to feel frustrated. At that time, you would want to have nice chat with your hubby about the baby and all. Instead IL's took all the fun away from me. Anyways its over. I got over those days.

This is the second time they are visiting. So I am pretty prepared this time, with all the things that I can do to make it better life for ME especially. Even after they came I am sending my kid to Day care twice or thrice a week. I convinced my DH some how for this. I am trying to carpool with my DH on the days my kid stays home. Atleast during the driving I can talk to my DH. When my DH picks up the kid from daycare, those days I stay late at work. When I am late, MIL cooks dinner. Otherdays, when I get home, first thing I will just take my son for a walk. cook food for him, feed him.. etc.. Then I don't have to even think about them while I spend precious time with my son. After all that I will do the cooking for that night and next day while IL's and DH watch TV and my DH plays with the son.

This way I can keep my self busy, don't need to let them drive me crazy. Trust me this thing is working fine so far, from last one month.

Only thing is the WEEKENDS. Those days are not holidays anymore. I have to find a way to make those days good. BTW, I tell my DH to take their parents out and tell him I have to work. so they go out and I stay with the kid and play. Thats a lot better than going out with them, while they make me go nuts.

Hope this helps.

-amca

Amca has worked out her schedule well.

I agree that on weekends tell your DH to take his parents out. So that you can relax and finish some work without any disturbance.

also for groceries and all that you can give the list to DH and tell him to take his parents along so they will also get some change and you will get space.

some day if you are not well or your son is cranky then just forget everything and relax or go to sleep. Then can help themselves. I am sure your husband knows cooking.

Another thing is prepare the menu for the entire week and plan to get somethings ready during the weekend itself so you don't have to rush during the weekdays after coming home.

Try to use ready parathas and other such things so your cooking time is reduced.

On weekdays reason out that elaborate cooking can't be done.

If possible, reduce your job hrs for the time being...so you don't get drained completely.