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Who Eats First at Home?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by simpleton, Sep 1, 2015.

  1. simpleton

    simpleton Silver IL'ite

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    Hi All,

    We all know that inlaws generally ignore DIL but I feel irritated..

    My inlaws are here with us in US for 4 months and the problem that I face everyday is mil would treat her son so well and just ignore me.As soon as both of us come from work she would prepare dinner early and would give it to her son and will not ask me.She will ask me to serve him,give my DD bath,offer food for FIL,make chutney/side dish and will not ask me to eat at all. After they ll are done with dinner, she would ask me to eat whatever is left. It irritates me so much as she is doing all this in my own house. I feel hungry like a bear after work and I am used to eating dinner at 6.30pm. Generally even we have little subzi left,my husband and I would share it. Every night I feel irritated and just trying to keep my cool. how is it at your place?Any tips on how to overcome it?
     
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  2. Vennella

    Vennella Gold IL'ite

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    Just get a plate and join DH when he eats. Or tell him to let you eat first. What can MIL do in that scenario?

    In the recent visit, MIL would make something at around the time DH comes home. But she wouldn't tell me or ask me to eat. If DH comes late at night also, He is the first person to eat it. One time I asked her what she made, just casually, and her reply "it is for MY son" :crazy

    And everyday same scenario at lunch. Since DH is not present, there is no need to act. I usually have a narrow window between nursing and a napping baby to eat whatever at a convenient time. But of course, that will never do as it is not done. They will ask me and i HAVE to say "you please eat first". This is expected. And by the time they are done baby wakes up or something and i had to delay my lunch. I used to have lunch at 6 pm and dinner at 12 am!

    and my DH used to be like, "why are you not eating on time??" :bonk
     
  3. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Why doesn't your husband ask you to join him? Does he not see that you are also hungry?
    When you come home, sit down and either eat or at least get a snack before you start other works. What are they going to do: pull the plate out of your hands?
    No point in keeping silent and stewing. Speak up for yourself.
     
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  4. Anamika99

    Anamika99 Gold IL'ite

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    - We generally have dinner together - all of us. I donot want to have dinner - that is my preference, but I am still supposed to eat.... :boo:
    so scenario is bit reversed but bottom line is - DIL supposed to what they want us to do

    - When something is being made (by me only...she never leads though she is helping 100% of the time) which needs to be prepared and eaten right away...me and MIL stay behing...I want her to eat too...so that i can be done faster...but she will wait for me....as much as it is sweet...it does not suit me :yes: it doesnot work for me but still have to follow what she prefers,..

    - I have similar situation when time to serve....and that drives me absolutely nuts though i have adjusted t0 top two things. My in-laws will not take their afternoon snack by their selves, snack is ready in the house, just need to cut fruits or something or take puri, chivda etc....i come ar 3 /4/5 pm....i have to go and ask , does not matter what brain storming i have gone through at work. Once my hubby comes , i have to offer him water and then snack.....even if i come after him...so at-least have half trained my husband so he takes him by himself....mostly....I know my MIL never means ill for me, but she is like into treating a man like 'purush'....and i m really going crazy over it, i put up the face and do it....but hate it
     
  5. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    No one can take over your kitchen and house without your permission.

    That is a mother's love to prepare dinner early and give it to her son. Is nice. Take some pictures. She is not asking you even though you are also tired and come back from work - what else is new? So be it. Your hubby is eating mom's food without asking you to join - is a bit bad, but so be it too. Just 4 months.


    Here you need to put your foot down. You are the lady of the house. No one tells you when to serve husband, when to give DD bath, serve FIL, what else to cook, and when to eat.

    You are letting her.

    Is it a general visit or they are here to take care of your child?
     
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  6. Anamika99

    Anamika99 Gold IL'ite

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    I agree here, my MIl though she likes to work work work...in kitchen and cleaning....
    I really wish she serves her son if she is that much worried and if she wants her son to be taken care of....


    expecting wife to become mom to DH is way too much for me
     
  7. simpleton

    simpleton Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks all for your replies and suggestion. She is here just for a visit and of course takes care of my daughter half a day. My daughter is 2 and goes to a preschool next door for half a day.

    I am going to just sit down along with my husband and start eating. They can't stop me from eating or pull the plate from me as mentioned by Malstorm.

    I know she will give me some weird looks but I am not going to give a damn for it...Just wanted to know how it is for others.

    Mother caring for son is good but this kind of pampering not only giving food but with words like pampering a yr old boy. My chella kutty,pattu kutty, kutty paiya(meaning my sweet boy,meri jaan blah blah).. It's so childish on her part to do that. Just trying to ignore all these!!:bang
     
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  8. whatalife

    whatalife New IL'ite

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    Winter is not far away. Old people don't like such weather. Pray for a polar vortex. Some ladies were seen asking mantra for going abroad and such, so there might be one for the weather too.
     
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  9. whatalife

    whatalife New IL'ite

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    she will choke her son with the looks. And believe me, it food does really choke then.
     
  10. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    @Venella
    Next time...say "hmmm ,I will remember that and move away".:coffeeOr ,if she is otherwise a kind soul...just give her a shakehead look and move away.


    My mil put the plate in front on my face and told me it is for her son....wish I had it in me then to say "hmmm,I will remember that"


    @op...please don't let anyone treat you like this in your own house .You can't make her care for you...but don't let her make you not care for yourself. When you come back,pull a chair and eat. Infact,eat from your husband's plate. And don't take orders on how and when to do what.Once it starts,there is no ending.
     
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