Should i go for varalakshmi Pooja or not : MIL called-

Vedhavalli · Aug 28, 2015

Hi Friends,
I'm again with a typical issue .

Yesterday MIL called, asked me and DD to come home for varalakshmi Pooja..(she dint call me in last 1.5 years since birth of dd...).
Now connecting because my DH in USA.Reconnecting INLAWS for Money $$ - (Hope you guys read my post....)

I'm married for 3 years.. none of the poojas or festivals she called me
For a diwali, pongal and vinayakar charurthi i used to go.
After birth of DD, i dint go to MIL home.

MIL dint bother to enquire about my health or DD's.
simply said to come. I replied her, i may have work at office.
Should i go today?

my mom says to go... and come..
But i would definately get stressed after seeing MIL, SIL and MIL's sisters and their daughters..
Who would bombard questions.
MIL lease bothered about my DD, being MIL's first grand child.

What should i do?

My point : I shouldnt go,
1) save my peace of mind
2) guard my money..
3) me and hubby would fight after i go there..this is consistent.

PS: MIL's sister and MIL's bro live same building..
they were the primary reasons for me and DH going out.

Archana11 · Aug 28, 2015

As you already told you might have office work better not to go. I dont think you should take risk of going and spoil the relation with your hubby as you clearly said you might fight with him after coming back. As she informed in the last minute i.e, yesterday you can say you could not arrange a back up for your work as the invite was at last minute so had to go to work. If your hubby questions you about not going there give the same reply.

Let's wait for other experienced ladies to advice.

Vedhavalli · Aug 28, 2015

Thanks a lot Archana11...
This is eating my mind.
I was so innocent and naive...but not anymore..
PIL dint support not even a affectionate word. They portray me as a bad DIL, they are the best PIL, who dint even give us lil privacy. I cant forget all and let it go, and again get hurt..which i did many times to mend the relations...

1Sandhya · Aug 29, 2015

feel sorry for you. You let go of a good opportunity to restart the relationship. Your mother gave the correct advice. Just simply go and come. You are not compromising anything to simply g,o say hello and take the prasad. Anyway I guess this is too late to help you.

Ragini25 · Aug 29, 2015

Moms sometimes gives good advice which we ignore. Your mom was right, "Keep it simple, go and come and check-off the tasklist". If you can go, then go.

Vedhavalli · Aug 31, 2015

Thanks for replies...
MIL never invited me for all these 3 years varalakshmi pooja, krishna jayanthi.. etc. I used to till DD' birth.

MIL visited DD only thrice since DD's birth. DD is her first grand child..
MIL Never called my daughter their home..(it a ritual to call new born kid at 3rd or 5th month).
Nor she called for Diwali, pongal, Vinayagar charturthi, tamil new year...
They dont call us apart for demanding money.
I leave my daughter to parents.. and live with parents because of financial commitments. (discussed in separate thread).
My hubby lived in our home 22km from my inlaws home in same city.
MIL or FIL never call hubby except monetary demands. Same with his sister my SIL, cunning lady.

My parents taking care of my DD, MIL dint lift a finger till date, DD is 1.4 now.
Child care like visitng DOC to diapers.. i'm contributing..inlaws took all DH money till birth of my DD.

DH got onsite to USA in june...
After DH went to onsite, MIL & her sister visits my DD, when i'm at work...
My concern is this - why MIL called now? why they visit my DD now after dd's dad went onsite.

They dint visit all these months... DD was at mom's place only, MIL too knows. MIL never offered a little help to my DD, when my sister's wedding was there.
My parents took DD for inviting, buying dresses..all these marriage shoppings...

Its clearly visible that they want money... DH gave all his salary...to them.
FIL wanted to register our flat in MIL's name !!! I clearly denied. but i have to the emi. finally we registered in self and DH name. They were upset.

My doubt is why now?
I don't want to loose my money or DH money any more...

VaniVyas · Aug 31, 2015

I would say don't go. Because from your post is quite clear that you get all negative vibes about going there. In such a case, it is better not to go...
Call them and say politely that due to office work, you are held up. Say it with a sorry. And enjoy your time with your DD, why to go in search of unhappiness when you be happy in your home. Spend that money in buying things for your DD, she will be more than happy.