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Dealing with my psycho,saddist mil ?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by anika987, Jul 30, 2015.

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Jul 30, 2015 #1
anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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Ian not even kidding.she is all the above and more.Will give u examples..

me:I want to study further
milh! U can't do that.i mean in a nice way(?)

me:why not?I just want to improve myself
milshe remains quiet) then laughed in a sarcastic way.

me:well I did an accounts course In community college.u knew it.it was tough but I did work hard
milh I remember! Ur co sister worked very hard and did some course.gosh! She is too good when it comes to studies

me: I just want some moral support
mil: oh again in a nice way..ur not like her.u should know ur capacity dear.

second one:

i brought a saree and did not know where the blouse is.i thought I left it in moms place.i told mil that.when my cousin asked me to show,I figured saree blouse was underneath the bag.mil did not talk for three days properly.she kept saying"don't lie" every six hours.i got puzzled and asked what happened.she is like"finally" and then enquires about saree thing.i said it was a honest mistake and for that u kept telling don't lie often.she said" why the hell will I care how u feel"

third: had severe sprain thought it was fracture and was crying badly and asked help.she is like" ah! Will get better" and went on to watch her iPad

fourth:spoke ill of tanjore Brahmins( Iam one)I said" it is not right to bring cast.my family we are all tanjore people.she is like" who knows?sarcasm might run in ur family blood!"

fifth: I love wearing western outfits.she was like" when girls arrive to USA " kaanadhadha kandathu pola (meaning something which one has never seen and is desperate to have it) they wear clothes.it looks terrible on them.hey! Even u like western outfits ? But in a nice way(?) u look better only in Indian clothes.( sly laugh)

there were times when I could not digest her words and puked.dh is supportive but nothing happens in front of him

the above r all examples.lot more happened and am sure will happen.she is not a good person and I get annoyed looking at her talking like she is gods favorite child.she is coming for a visit of six months and am dreading.i feel panic attacks.cried an hour in the morning. I tried standing up for myself but I laws will stoop to any level to win an argument.how do I deal?

sorry for the long post

anika987, Jul 30, 2015

anika987, Jul 30, 2015

#1

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Jul 30, 2015 #2

peartree Platinum IL'ite

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anika

I don't get why you're looking for approval from your MIL when you know she has this history of being curt! You said your husband is supportive of you, what more do you want? And you do not even live with her full time. It is difficult, I know... but I would say turn a deaf ear to anything she says and just keep moving on to the next topic.

I have a co-worker like your MIL... any project anyone in the team would speak about undertaking, she would immediately call out a potential problem, or call out lack of knowledge or resources or some such thing! Everyone on the team just avoids her now... we are polite and let her speak at meetings, but just disregard her and move on. It helps to focus on what we need to do rather than some perceived problem someone brings up.

Anytime she says something ridiculous, just look at her like you don't understand what she is saying and move on. When you don't react, she will stop acting. I don't think it is so much that she wants to say something, it is more your reaction that she is looking for.

peartree, Jul 30, 2015

peartree, Jul 30, 2015

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Jul 30, 2015 #3

1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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Anika,
My take is that you are spending too much time talking to her. Too much loose talk. She is not your mom. She is not your friend. She is your mil. You keep giving her openings like this, she is going to keep taking them and bashing you over the head with them. Be polite but stick to the matter at hand wit her. No need for all this speculation and what if scenarios. Best of luck with her visit! we are always here for you.

btw I could not understand sari and blouse incident so no comment for that.

1Sandhya, Jul 30, 2015

1Sandhya, Jul 30, 2015

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Jul 30, 2015 #4

MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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This should be simple.
Be polite but distant during her visit. Do the minimum expected as your duty. Occupy yourself with your kids and your own activities the rest of the time. Do not share any more information than is strictly necessary. You know your MIL's nature by now. Use it to your advantage.

MalStrom, Jul 30, 2015

MalStrom, Jul 30, 2015

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Jul 30, 2015 #5

anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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Hi ,

i had had brought a saree and stiched a pretty blouse for it.mil wanted to see it.i thought I left it at my moms place but when my cousin came I had found the blouse underneath my bag and hence showed it to her.mil took offense.

It was a honest mistake if it is even one but not big enough for someone to stop talking for three days and calling me a liar once in six hours

anika987, Jul 30, 2015

anika987, Jul 30, 2015

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Jul 30, 2015 #6

Iamagoodgirl Platinum IL'ite

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stop talking with her.Just stop it.Answer yes or no if she ask anything.Stay in your room.Under the excuse of study,dress change lock it several times of day.Just avoid her.She is evil.

Iamagoodgirl, Jul 30, 2015

Iamagoodgirl, Jul 30, 2015

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Jul 30, 2015 #7

YoGirl Gold IL'ite

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She is a weirdo.. just ignore her...
don't stoop to her level by thinking about her

anika987 said: ↑

Hi ,

i had had brought a saree and stiched a pretty blouse for it.mil wanted to see it.i thought I left it at my moms place but when my cousin came I had found the blouse underneath my bag and hence showed it to her.mil took offense.

It was a honest mistake if it is even one but not big enough for someone to stop talking for three days and calling me a liar once in six hours
Click to expand...

YoGirl, Jul 30, 2015

YoGirl, Jul 30, 2015

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Jul 30, 2015 #8

katochsimi Gold IL'ite

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as many said reduce talking with her.
if you want to go for higher studies make search of good college discuss with your hubby and take up. what to disclose someone who dont have any knowledge or interest in that..it is like banging your own head
and regarding saree dont pay attension..she is really sick and have some mental problem. what ever may be the reason but she is like that and u know very welll so u should be prepare for that and dont take as surprise. ya i understand it is very irritating but dont come in front of her and try doing some different work in different room. just give smile when she passes that comment...she will be irritated with her own actions gigglingsmiley

katochsimi, Jul 30, 2015

katochsimi, Jul 30, 2015

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Jul 30, 2015 #9

deeprapriya Gold IL'ite

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Anika,

You are too open to your MIL and thats the problem!!!!.... They are not at all our mother... and they can never reach the position where we keep our mom.....

Open talking should keep yourself happy or herself happy. If not, cut it off fully.... They will never change and come to you like, "Oh, this is my DIL, and I have to please her".... It will never happen in our life....

Cut the talks....u dont have to take permission on your studies,western type dressings.... Even if she comments, just dont reply her.....

Next time, if she says some thing about your caste in a generic way, u also follow that... Hit her indirectly or keep quiet..... if u ask her directly, "why are u saying abt me???", she will directly say," I didnt mean you"... Follow her own treatment to her....

deeprapriya, Jul 30, 2015

deeprapriya, Jul 30, 2015

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Jul 30, 2015 #10

anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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Thank u dear ladies.u guys have no ideas how I have been breaking my head over ten years to be accepted partly coz I come from a Joint family and I love a family.

i have too many other examples about her and how she talks.

worst is in a park back in India a little baby kept playing with a ballon like a kite and it kept falling near us.she took the ballon and burst it.i was shocked...

she he is a saddist and definitely a psycho.
just cannot believe how she got a son like my dh who is really very nice.if he tris to support me she can cries so much and Makes him guilty.

anika987, Jul 30, 2015

anika987, Jul 30, 2015

#10

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