Ideas to Let Go of Thoughts(whether In-laws/DH etc) that Bother You...

stay strong no matter whatever emotionally lets u down. hope u have kids and focus on them n their future, don't spoil your peace of mind with these unwanted things which u can't change and control. try to spend 90% of your time with your kids and the rest for yourself. The issue that you are going through is not uncommon, and I believe several women like me & you are going through the same phase and that's all I can say, stop worrying about anything else except focusing on spending time with kids.

 

To distract your mind, try to stay away when he talks to them so that you don't even listen to their talk. Try doing nicer things for your parents and kids. Do not tell him about things you did for your side of the family, if he asks, tell him you learned this trick from him. May be take another phone and talk to your friends, family around the same time he talks to his family. The less you know, lesser the pain it would cause.

 

but what if you stay in a joint family and not allowed to be on phone when at home.
kids do distract me a lot but then i keep getting scornfull looks too which i hate the most

 

Create a to-do list , Focus on your things and get busy with your world.

If you get distracted due to emotional things going around you... immediately jump and do things whichyou like (put a list of things ).. and feel relaxed that way.This way your mind start to ignore the most stressful incidents and make you focus on things you like.

For long term, meditation helps you a lot. This helps keeping you away from most stressful incidents and helps you focus on actual picture.

 

Hi,
Currently I am going through these stress full situation.Last week was really bad for me.My MIL puts tons of blames on me.
I am focusing on my office work and my daughter. Trying to forget this.But whenever I remembered that, I could not stop myself from crying..
@sm123 Thanks a lot for creating this thread.Thanks every one for your advise

 

Best thing when someone blames you ... just focus on things which makes you better. People or situations which weakens you physically or mentally ...reject them as poison.
Learn to accept these poisonous things can also cause damage to health and mind as well. Just remember this and you can find yourself forgetting things easily.

 

I would say vent it out to a friend or in a forum like this or write an email to yourself about your feelings..
Say to yourself that you need to stay calm for 2 days and not show the anger on your kids..
Try to donate something to the needful and get that feeling of gratification to keep you positive..

 

1.physically stay away from them as much as possible. phone talk also just keep it to say hi and hello. everything is good. that's it. so you will not get their thoughts much.

2.Take care of your self in all ways so that you don't need to worry that your H is not caring for you.

3.Take care of your kids and spend quality time with them like taking them to their place of interests like ice cream corner, park or zoo etc. Give all your love to kids. (your H will get Jealous and think that if I am nice with her I also will get some love from her)

4.Keep your self so busy ( work out side and meeting other people is important I feel, it gives a break for you from these people) that u don't have time to think about these people.

5. You live so happily that these people should realize that they are not a reason for your happiness nor a reason for your sorrow.

 

@sm123 I am facing the same exact situation as you. Some times I feel that my confidence and career goals are going down the drain after getting married.

@sunrise I did the same thing what you said trying to avoid their conversation by going away or talking on phone. But they my SIL, Mil and DH started to abuse me saying I am not taking care after them or feeling responsible about them. I feel like I am loosing my self-respect sometimes by the way they treat me.

So recently after a war at home with my DH I expressed my feelings to my husband about their abusive behaviour. Instead of supporting me my husband also started being abusive to me supporting his family. He backs them saying they are criticizing me for fun and I am taking it seriously. He stopped talking to me and so did I from a week. I don't see anything wrong in expressing my opinion. But its all like that.

I am university topper and had so many awards. I lost all that confidence from discourage they showed me. One thing I can say is after stopping talking to them I am able to regain confidence in both life and work, have peace of mind and good health. Sometimes its good to stay away from abusive relationships.