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In laws around-not so fun :(

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by sguide11564, Jul 3, 2015.

  1. sguide11564

    sguide11564 New IL'ite

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    Hi Ladies,

    What really bothers me is the fact when my MIL treat my DH like a baby. They are visiting us from India for 2 months. But each day its getting tougher for me.I am a working woman and very successful in my career.I leave home earlier than my DH and come late..Still,I get pissed off when my MIL asks me if I have packed my DH Lunch.To add to it she makes sure she stuffs his Lunch box with what not. But doesn't even bother to check for me. Also once I am back,I go straight to kitchen to cook for them but get no appreciation in return.I fail to understand that when both are working then why household chores cant be divided.On 1 weekend when I got up late she was furious that what her li'l son is going to eat and started taunting.To add to all this BS..my DH never once said that he can take care of himself..I feel he is even guilty of showing his emotions towards me in from of them..Entry for him in kitchen is forbidden it seems..What nonsense...I know it will be ok once they leave but what makes me wonder is why cant we question these norms..Why don't husbands stand up for their wives?I have done my best to make this woman happy..from making her fav dishes to listening to her taunts..But still she says that this is her last trip to US ..just to make my husband guilty..What hell...
     
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  2. Nd123

    Nd123 Gold IL'ite

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    So you tell me, why can't YOU question these norms?

    Why do you go straight to the kitchen? Go straight to the bedroom and relax. And then slowly prepare dinner or get take out.

    If she taunts you for sleeping late, own it. Tell her that you are an adult who enjoys getting up late in the weekends. Tell her that it is awesome that she always wakes up early but it is not your style.

    What are you scared of? That she will say bad things about you to all your relatives- Big feaking deal..I am guessing that she isnt singing your praises right now.

    Once you stop caring so much about what others think,they lose their power. Trust me, once they see that their words have no effect on you, they will stop. After all what is the point. However much they scream, you are still going to get up late.

    This situation is as much your fault as it is hers. And no one except you can fix it.
     
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  3. Jazmine83

    Jazmine83 Gold IL'ite

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    Thinking to myself...

    What will I do in a situation like this...

    I have a private office with closing doors and my dept has a kitchen as well. I will get sleeping bag and some groceries to make a sandwich and coffee and stay in office till 10pm on the pretext of work load :p

    On a serious note. You are working as well. They cannot expect you to do all the work. Just tell them in a casual way, that work load in hectic and you cannot run the house by yourself and talk about quitting your job and take of your spouse and house.

    These people disgust me. They want a dil who brings home a paycheck and they want her to be a maid as well.
     
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  4. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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  5. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    MILs are jealous as in their generation they were not able to reach career goals like our generation does. So they ignore all our plus points, (actually we women worked hard to reach here than men, so many hurdles we crossed.) ignore that we are bringing paycheck, we are spending hours at work.
    (just talking in the context of working women, MIL ignore today SAHM also for her plus points)

    Just they concentrate on what is not done comparatively what they did to their son, wife is not a mother to take care of her son, son should be able to take care of himself in all ways then he is ready for marriage.

    I don't understand why mothers have problem when son enters into kitchen? If he knows that kitchen work is not big deal then may be mother looses all her power.
     
  6. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    So she not able to tolerate how your home runs. She want your house to run her way, then she will come. Great.
     
  7. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    You should be singing, dancing and clapping your hands for this!
    Speak to your husband privately once about how his attitude is disturbing you. As for your in-laws, try to learn the art of doing without expecting anything in return. Do the basic minimum, don't go out of your way and slowly start learning the habit of saying 'yes mom/dad' while you continue what you are doing.
     
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  8. Joyoflife

    Joyoflife Gold IL'ite

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    OP we can go on and on for why these norms can not be changed. These norms definitely change when it comes down to their own daughter and son in law. I would say ignore, live your life on your own terms. When she asks you if you have packed your husbands lunch simply say, No because he is not a school going child, he can look after himself. Say it once and see where it goes.

    Even my 3 year old dd helps me pack her own lunch. Once when we visited in laws my mil invited some people for dinner and made me cook everything on my own, I think I had to prepare meal for around 25 people. Everything tasted great. All the guests came they felt warm and welcomed even praised my cooking and than my mil starts oh my niece(her adopted daughter) makes this thing very delicious, don't you think this lacks spice and that dish is slightly over cooked. I looked into my mils eyes and told her maa when you know your dil is a terrible cook and you know it so well, as you yourself have mentioned it to me many times, why did you have to invite people over and when your son was saying that lest get some things from out side why did you stop him. One of the guests said no the food you have cooked is very good, I politely said I know that but its not about food, its about letting dil know that she is not good enough. After everyone left my mil made a big face and started telling my husband with her crocodile tears how I insulted his lonely widow mother in front everyone.

    To cut the long story short Its never about anything else its just about telling A dil that you are not good enough, you are not a perfect match for my son, you can not look after my sons home andchildren . So what you work and earn this house belongs to my son and the list goes on.

    Practice the art of deaf and dumb. Either ignore everything or give back when necessary. Find what brings peace to you in all this. Live your life on your own terms. If mil wants to prove that you are not a good home maker make her life and effort easy by owning that tittle. Simply say yes I maa suck, what to do its your sons bad luck that he is married to a terrible home maker.
     
  9. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Bravo!
    :bowdown :bowdown :bowdown
     
  10. krithi1611

    krithi1611 New IL'ite

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    @joyoflife, well said. I too behave like dumb and deaf at home wen thy r around. only listens to important things. rest fully diverting myself with my kid. that s how am passing my days. thank god am working. so frm 8am to 7pm am not staying in home with IL.s so remaining hours on week days are able to face. only on weekends that too with SIL all the time :p oh no..
     
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