MIL complaining that I am not calling regularly

These days I got a different problem. As I said in my earlier posts, MIL and FIL are not good to me, so I just stopped making frequent phone calls.

My hubby calls them every other day and says his mom is asking about me. My DH says why don't you calll them once a week. So whenever he calls he just hands over the phone to me even though I never wanted to talk. I had no choice but speak to them. So I get my artificial smile ask them about their health etc.. MIL on the other side instead asking about my kids. my health she will start complaining "Why are you not calling us. You call your mom frequently".

She can just talk, when I call. I don't why she has to make a big deal out of it. His son is calling them regularly. They should be happy right. They don't even like me or ask about how I am doing. Just start compalining. Then how can my heart speak to them.

How can calling to my mom and MIL be the same? My DH never calls my parents, but I have to call mil regularly. when their dear son talks to them every other day, for longer hours, don't know why they complain abt me. Just tell their son that I am not caring for them.

Even DH saying that I am not being good DIL not calling them. We don't have good rapo to talk to. what should I talk to her? DH says you talk to your mom for hours why can't you do same for my mom. My mom and I talk abt my brothers, cousins, my interests, my work, my kids everything. I don't feel comfortable talking anything with her.

Do you all talk to your MIL regularly? What are the best topics to engage and can't go wrong ones? Help me out ladies. my DH loves me so much, I don't want him to get a bad feeling about me just b'se of this calling.

Thanks,
amca

Fully symphatize with you. There is only so much you can talk to in-laws. Try talking to them like own parents, they will find points to criticize you and fill your hubby's ears against you based on what you have said in innnocence. I used to talk to my in-laws every weekend in the first 5 years of marriage and have my weekend spoiled by their inane comments.

Slowly, I cut down on my frequency, and that's made my life much calmer. In my case, thankfullly, my husband does not force me to talk to them. Infact, he tries to call them when I am asleep so he can use that at an excuse. I know he's bothered by the fact that I don't want to talk to my MIL but he knows I am close to my SIL's and talk to them on a regular basis. I try not to talk to MIL more than once a month, keep it to hi-hello, how are you, hows your health and then hand over the phone to my hubby. It's her own fault. I tried to be nice in the beginning and treat her like my mom but she is the one who messed up by her constant barbs and comments. So I don't at all feel gulity about not talking to her and neither does it bother me that my hubby feels I don't talk to her enough. She brought this upon herself, so why I should I suffer or take the blame!

Myself and MIL are not in so good terms when we were in India. There are lot of misunderstandings. So after we came to U.S, I thought of maintaining a distance so as to save the relationship. We will do webchat every week. So I will talk with her . But If my hubby calls inbetween over Phone, I wont be talking. In my mother's case, its different, we will do webchat or phone calls very other day. But My Mil doesnt know that I will call or chat with my mom frequently, else she too would complain as in your case.

I was in similar boat.I realized instead of talking and getting a bad name why not get a bad name by not calling her.I call her once in a month and don't talk to her much.Sometime ask my daughter to sing song so we can divert the conversation if she starts some sensitive topic I will give phone to my husband.When I got married I used to all her all the time and even give her updates on what we cooked.She started complaining too much.Then I decided only if we provide info they can find fault.So I reduce the calls.My husband calls them every night.I don't mind as long as they don't talk about me
Thanks
Mangai

thanks mahensa, paru, mangai for your replies.

Even I used to talk to them regularly. Nowadays I am so busy with work and kids I hardly get some time alone. Then I would like to talk to my parents and brothers, so that I can happily share some laughs. Why would I want to call her and ruin my precious little time.

I have to somehow ignore calling and lets make it to my DH that I will talk once a month, some kind of deal.

hi yar,

Dont worry. It happens everywhere. Dont take it to be a problem. Dont maintain a distance at all times. Dont think they are ur In-laws, treat them as some old people left alone. I do understand ur situation, still we have to do this. Call them once in 2 days. Just say a hello or a name sake hello, as u said enquire abt their health, tell in short what ur kids did that day or anything interestingly happnd recently.Day by day her complaints will lessen infact stop altogether.If they ask or speak if u spoke with ur mom, just answer in one or two words, and just switch on the topic.

Some people have heartless husbands who dont care abt their wives feelings, so just think how gifted u r. And as a return for the gift be patient.

Even in our family, we have experienced similar situations. take care. Cheer up

I was having similar issue and this is what i start doing now:

1) I plan in advance what topic i want to talk that week, like what you cooked for lunch, how is neighbors and other ordinary things

2) and then - this is the most important part i do- I call when my hubby is at home. That way he knows for sure that I am calling and listens to whole conversation.

3) this has helped me out much because mil can not fill wrong information about the phone call to my hubby because he is there and can listen everything we are talking.

although, mil will sill find things to complain, my husband is fully aware of all conversations we have and this has made life little peaceful.

Of course this does not mean that it is easy to talk to her, I still hate acting artificial, but so far it is paying off!

hi Amcabay, and ladies, you know i was thinking of this very topic lately!! Thanks for bringing it up! I also have to talk to il';s once a week(with husb)..once i had kids, mil said call more often..so i tried to talk two times a week...but like all of you i also get the constant complaints, and bad mouthing...so now i only talk if husb hands me the phone. They can;t see that if they are rude on the phone we will not want to call them..in my case my il's complain when i call, and even when i don;t.....i just can;t please them. if i call, i'm always afraid of sensative toipcs also...even though i try to steer the conversation in another direction my il's ALWAYS have to make their points to me..what i'm doing wrong and what my family is doing wrong.....I guess some people are like this, my il's say to talk more to sil..but she also finds fault in me everywhere i turn, then they wonder why i don;t like it! I definately have learned to keep it short, and not to talk to them like i'm talking to my own parents.....My il;s think that even though they make me unhappy, i should still fultfill all of my duties as a dil (including being friendly with their other kids and with the rest of the family).... because i;m not impotant.....
sorry for the long post...take care ladies
sash

Hi cindhu, sashie, roses,

thanks for your thoughts.



Why do they need to talk to us, when they know everything thats happening from their son. they don't like us, doesn't share any good things us. but still complain that we are talking.

my MIL keep talking all the stuff abt how her sis's bought gold, properties and about neighbours dils buying stuff for mils.. etc. she just want to point that I am not buyig anything for her. Who am I to buy anything when their son buys everything for them. He sends them money everymonth. Never asks them how much they spent. They have all the freedom to buy whatever they want. still complains on me. GOD know WHY?

My other co-sis is very tough. She won't event let my MIL talk anyhting. She just tells everything on the face. My DH says his MOM got hurt b'se of her and I shouldn't be like my co-sis. Now I know why my co-sis behaves like that.

Anyways, From this wknd I will make sure to call them when my hubby home and talk the topics. I could get one problem solved wiht that. Atleast can win DH.

i still have this problem after 7 yrs of marriage that i cant talk freely with my mil even though my mil is very nice and sweet.
i dont know what to talk to her. and my dh always says that y u dont talk to them