Please suggest me how to handle MIL's Issue...

CuteCherry · May 29, 2015

Hi Everyone,

First let me thank all the wonderful persons here. Thank you so much for your support.

Recent thing happened:

My MIL came to Bangalore, so in spite of all the hurt she caused, I felt happy as she was helping me in cooking and taking care of my daycare going kid until we come home from work. But she stayed only for 5 days and went to native after taking good amount of money in the name of need.

I called her to come here in March, to help us, as so much of work load and working hours due need to be cover by end of March, but she didn’t turn up. So we left our kid with my sis for one month.

In the April first week, there was some goddess function has happened in my In-laws home, but as I am due with my periods at the same time, I didn’t go there, with my DH's approval (If I get periods after going there, I will not be allowed into house until, all puja and temple visit was over, so it’s very uncomfortable, to stay out of home. It’s very embarrassing to answer everybody who ask why am I not coming/staying outside of home)

But by god’s grace, I conceived in the same month, though DH informed MIL the good news, she didn’t talk me or wish me or felt happy. But I ignored it.

Again in the beginning of this month similar kind of puja happened in my Sister’s home (My kid was taken care by my sis until he turns 3 years old), they called me and my husband so many times and invited us. As hubby is busy with work, he sent me and kid along with one more cousin’s family by car(if it was by bus, I was also not ready to go, as it was still second month for me).

After we returned DH was good with me and taking care of me. But MIL called DH and told him” your wife didn’t care to come here and attend the puja, but she happily went to her sis’s place to attend puja. She faked about her periods, how come she became pregnant in the same month. She won’t care to call me even once” etc.

DH who knows everything he bluntly fought with me based on her lines.I got so angry and felt bad for DH’s behavior.

Now MIL wants to come here. So I clearly said to my DH “I don’t want her to come here now” and told below points:

MIL wants her daughter and Son in law should live happily, but son and DIL should not live happily. How come she think like this?

Though she is far, she is trying to spoil our relationship.

She will never feel happy, if I become pregnant. First time also, she forced me to get abortion and later also she used to torture me like “Girl baby should not be born, etc.” kind of brainless words.

Post-delivery she stayed along with us in hospital and really tortured me with her words, like “I didn’t see any mother who can’t able to feed her new born (I had inverted nipples).if mother didn’t BF means, there will be no meaning to mother-child relationship. Can I feed the new born, if I have non veg and get milk?”

This time also she started showing her real nature as soon as she knows about my pregnancy.

If she comes here, every weekend she behaves like a queen and I have to do all the house hold work without rest, she simply glued to bed for entire 2 days

After all above discussion, DH accepted to not bring her now. (This happened last week).

Now he called and told me, next coming weekend, when he goes to his home town to attend a marriage, he will bring MIL here. He told like, “It’s difficult for you to manage work, home and kid.” I just said “your wish” and hung the call, as I don’t want to argue with him again in office.

I know she will try to make me unhappy in all possible ways.

Please help me to decide whether to say ok to hubby to bring her here now or can I said him to post pone that plan for few months?

Please suggest me what to do now, how to convince him. I am unable to concentrate on work.

Thanks in advance.

CuteCherry · May 29, 2015

90 views, no reply:-( . am I thinking in a wrong way?

guesshoo · May 29, 2015

Do not discuss this anymore with your husband. Once he is back, if your MIL acts up, then talk in private to your husband. Tell him that you understand he loves his mum and appreciate it. However, since she isn't treating you well, you will be making yourself scarce; he has to deal with his mum.

You simply do what you need to do for yourself and your child. If your MIL wants you to work, don't do anything over and above what you'd do yourself. If she is overbearing, tell your husband he is responsible for her comfort; not you.

As long as you behave in a manner that portrays she can't touch you, she would be able to do nothing.

PS: Once you have written a question, please do not try to bump it up like you have done in your second post - then your post won't come up on the unanswered threads list. Plus there are many many people on this site who just lurk. People might take their time usually to mull over the issues and get back with a sensible reply; I know I do. So, I suggest you be patient rather than coming out with a chiding post.

Me1 · May 29, 2015

Dear OP,

I know u r in tough situation.All the hurt and words she has given can never heal. Just dont react to your husband. Keep patience, let ur MIL visit and let your DH judge her behaviour towards u.

Patience is the only thing that Indian ladies are supposed to have..

CuteCancer · May 29, 2015

Hi CuteCherry,

Try telling your hubby that you feel uncomformtable letting MIL take care you (after all DH and MILs usually expect DILs to take care of them right?) If you MIL comes now you will have additional task of taking care of your MIL which could add to your stress.

You can ask him to invite MIL when you are well enough to take care of her.

If despite communicating the above he still brings MIL then every time you are forced to do extra work or stressed you could gently point out to your DH that you are getting stressed up this could have been avoided by not bringing MIL at this time.