PIL's property-Please advice

@ Jazmine83 ,
Let me congratulate you on your marriage being finalized ! I can still feel how excited I my self was in that "in between" period, mine was for 9 months !! :2thumbsup:

And from your post I also assume you to be a sensible person who can make the marriage successful . All the best dear ! (You being in US since teens also helped it, but anyone could be sensible on their own , any where...Just food for thought !!)

Coming to your query, I feel that,

You are blessed not because your parents are "super wealthy " but because your family as a whole is not money minded and maybe even ideal to outside world..

Not everybody is of the same mental disposition. See your own hand, are your fingers looking the same? Just imagine how it would be boring to look and hard to put them to use if they are all same..

As Shakespeare puts it "All the world is a stage and men and women are mere actors"..:exactly:

For a good play to be attractive and interesting , there should be wide range of characters with different shades of good and bad...
since God Almighty, I am not sure if you believe but I do, is the producer , scriptwriter, director and even the audience for our play called "Life", he does include characters with their own unique ideas ..

For example on one hand somebody like you who sees it as a ridiculous thing to discuss others money matters, even if it is of somebody so close through blood relationship as parents, and on other hand there is this Co-sis or (SIL) who is unjustifiably furious at PILs for spending too much on their own daughter, out of their own pocket. Just read this line, does not that sound childish ?

Exactly that is what the character of this person is, childish not childlike.. You only have to ignore this kind of conversation, after your marriage with this person. You can not or rather should not avoid the person themselves altogether, since she is also part of your new family. You can not comment or decide on how she should behave with PILs or any body in the family...Just keep her in touch but never let her thoughts enter your mind..

Just make sure your PILs never misunderstand you for whatever matter. Be your own self, honest in the relationship with your Husband, his parents, brother, sister but also be wise enough to play it nicely... Certain amount of tact would always help a marriage to be successful...:goodidea:

Again my best wishes for a happy married life,

Regards,

Pavithra

 

@Jazmine83 Does this fight affect your marriage or your future in anyway? If not, you should ignore it, each family is different, the circumstances in which they react is also different. May be the SIL has a reason you never know. If tomorrow, they buy gifts for daughter and never to you the DIL you might feel a bit too. It may sound a bit odd to you now, but you are not yet married and living in that house, and you still do not know how it works in that house. Its great if you dont need anything and dont mind the PILs give away their property and gifts to the other two kids Not many are that generous.

 

Op, You are right, No one has any business with other's hard earned money whether it is parent's or childrens'. But why are your inlaws showing partiality between their Sons and daughter, seems they are not ideal enough to be impartial.

 

Hi Jazmin,

Once you are living with them only then you will get to know the household dynamics. Please do not judge your co-sis in adavnce. There might be situations you dont know about. For example:

1. Treating daughter (SIL) like goddess and expecting DIL (co-sis) to do all the work. On top of this, daughter will get everything but DIL will not even be acknowledged.

2. Celebrating each festival, birthdays etc grandly for daughter by buying her
everything. On the other hand keeping long face for DIL on these occasions, giving her nothing. Also expecting DIL to work hard for making all daughter occasions success.

Personally experienced this: My SIL will get gold and various gifts on each occasion. I am expected to buy all dresses for her and other items and send to her.

But on my first birthday after marriage, when DH gifted just a card and chocolate, MIL made huge drama saying the birthdays are not celebrated in their home (read only DIL birthdays are not celebrated). On important festival like Dussehra, PIL just gave me cheap roadside saree of Rs three hundred for name sake. For SIL they bought 20k dresses and gold set. But still on the festival I had to stay at their house and serve them all spending morning to night doing work. It led to negativity in my mind that I am nothing more to them than a maid and also led me to be distant to SIL.

While nobody is after ILs money, it does hurt to be ignored, discriminated upon on every occasion while still being expected to serve them entire life (which their daughter wont do)

 

Dear Jasmine83,
It is so nice to see how genuine and sincere your thoughts/ideas are with regard to
property. It is so common these days to see family members fighting over In-laws/ parental property when the parents are still alive. Nothing is more shameful than this. With your open mindedness in such matters, things will work out for you very well as you have no unwanted expectations. Congrats on your forthcoming marriage.

 

Best part of the entire thread You have your own answer !!! "No comments "
Leave it at that, let the siblings and parents work it among themselves!

 

Favoritism always hurts. In most cases, it is not just money, but the care and concern that goes along with it.

My inlaws always show concern financial, emotional and even health wise to my BIL at the cost of my husband sometimes. This has ruined my relationship with them because I don't trust them to look out for our interests the way I think a parent should.

It is not about the money because my parents are way richer than my in laws. And I earn well too.

I have to add that I really like my BIL and have a good relationship with him and my co sis. Not his fault that my PILs are obsessed about him.