Problem with MIL due to a Saree

VandhenaKrish · May 16, 2015

Hi ILs,

Lil upset , so I ended up posting the petty issue happened very recently ..I am married and having 3 months baby inside me yumsmiley and very lovable husband and a good MIL . Last week when I was staying at my mom's place , I bought 4 sarees for MIL .THose are actually joint sarees( 2 bits will be there , u need to join the bits to make saree ) . My MIL is actually very fair & pretty so the colors were very attractive and I bought them for the same . I gave it to my husband to give it to my MIL since I had to travel a little later from my mom's place to his place .

The very next day I heard a comment from him like she doesnt like it andd she said that she doesnt want to wear sarees that are to be stitched or joined . I was dull but felt ok coz it varies from person to person

Today she gave me all the sarees and told that she doesnt like those and from next time she asked me to buy good sarees and she is not willing to wear sarees wwhich need to be joined . Tears rolled on my eyes ( usually very cool I am , but this time felt very sensitive coz with lots of love I bought those )

Later I asked my husband reg the same and said I am hurt due to her straight forwarded behavior ..He said there is nothing wrong in it coz the condition hasn't gone that worst to wear a joint saree ( kinda boasting on status ) . I don't know if my progesterone made me to over react but I cried a lot till before few minutes . Really feeling upset . I am not able to calm myself.Help ladies!!!

yellowmango · May 16, 2015

hugsmileydear.Next time show less enthusiasm for gifting.Let her go and choose and let her son pay for it.Or if you have to gift...give one expensive one instead of four.

Now you think of all the nice dresses you can make with the lovely sarees you got back.You will be needing those with constant change in size.Tight hug to you and a little hug to the little on inside you.

Or give them to your lovely mother.She will appreciate them.

Cheers and no more tears.Happy mumma...happy baby!!!

butterflyice · May 16, 2015

Op, congratulations on your pregnancy and welcome to IL.

You know what? If I had gifted such saris to my mom/aunts/MIL they would never wear them whatever be the price/color/material. They consider it inauspicious to wear torn clothes!

I understand you did not mean it that way and you had very good intentions, however gifting comes with its own protocol. There are things that I can gift teachers here that I can't gift my neighbours or vice versa. Again what I buy as gifts in US can't be given as gifts in India and vice versa.

Let it go, don't strain yourself thinking about this. Next time stick to cash or gift her traditional stuff.

Don't let this incident affect your relationship with MIL as you say she is a good MIL

blessed · May 16, 2015

Dear Op

Please be very care full when it comes to gifting ex specially to MIL, though your intentions were good she must have been definitely hurt when you gave her cut and restitched saree, I wouldn't dare to do this to my MIL knowing her character. But irrespective of how your relationship is with her you should have better discussed with her than straight way gifting to her. I don't see any thing wrong in your DH's reaction as well, I feel you have taken her for granted. Next time if you want to gift her take her along with you and buy what she likes, this way both are satisfied.

VandhenaKrish · May 16, 2015

Hi Gold, Thank you for ur reply.. Actually my mom, aunts who are in very high positions have bought those with full interest .. Even I did not/ do not have such thought towards a joint Saree .. So only I wished to gift her ... However your point is right as well.. Thanks again

VandhenaKrish · May 16, 2015

Hi Butterfly ice , thank you .. I feel like not buying anything here after for MIL. ..

VandhenaKrish · May 16, 2015

Gud idea yellow mango

Metamorphic · May 16, 2015

Two piece sarees thing doesn't go well with many particularly with people who are used to the costly stuff.

To some, the value of the gift shows the value they have in your eyes. They can take offense apart from not liking the gift. May be, the same happened with your MIL.

If she is that 'good MIL', I would prefer to wholeheartedly explain your lapse in picking up the right gift for her instead of deciding to not gift ever after. Accept minor errs and patch up.

DianaRose · May 16, 2015

started smiling....???? juz stay cool...may be they will look more gud on u than ur MiL, thats y they came back to you....(YEs. some will feel like "ottu pottu thachcha maathiri irukku...thats their taste..dont take it to ur heart)

MalStrom · May 16, 2015

I learned something new today. I did not know about these types of saris.
OP, your MIL was blunt but she did you a favor by letting you know what she likes. She could have been nicer about how she said it, but you will be able to get her something more suitable next time.
Your husband's comments were unnecessary.