Mother and son fight, do not known what to do

My husband just had a very heated argument with his mom over the phone . He told her she is dead for him and he is dead for her and put the phone down.

its really making me upset. Because I know DH is a very emotional man, all this will stress him very badly. It just kills me to see him under stress.

Reason of the argument my husbands family was very poor. DH is a very hardworking man. He worked very hard and got his parents a decent home in India. My mil is woman who will always do extra favour to her sister and nieces. She has adopted two of her nieces, even though their own family struggled to make ends meet. She put all the financial pressure of these two adopted girls on my husband and bil( husbands elder brother). They got one girl married, gave her good dowry and all that. My husband sends 25000rs every month to his mom. My fil passed away a few years back my husband and bil paid for his medical expenses and all. The house mil lives in is on my husbands name. My mil lives there with another adopted niece. That girl sold the jewellery and eloped with a boy. She returned home after two days. That time my husband said he will not take any responsibility of that girl. But mil still kept her in the house owned by DH.

We also sponsored mils trip to Australia to live with us but she is least intrested. My husband wants her to come here and live with him permanently, but she keeps making excuses. Now she also called the older adopted niece to live with her along with her husband and son. When DH got to know this he got very angry and he said he is tired of paying for all the expenses of relatives. He wil sale the house and bring mil here. Mil started playing the emotional blackmail card of poor old, widow mother.

it might sound confusing, but all this lead to a very big argument in DH and mil. My husband s point is if older adopted girls family starts living in the house which he bought for his mother permanently, it will be very hard to for him to sale the house. He has a point but his mother is not listening.

in spite of doing all this she calls my husband a bad son, who doesn't do anything for his poor old mother. Even though he sends her monthly expenditure, she has a car and a driver on the expense of her younger son and still he is a very bad son for her.

my husband is very heartbroken after this conversation, I do not know how to calm him down. What to say about all this. He just saw the true colours of his mom. But how do I bring him back to normal. Please pour in your thoughts.

 

thanks for replying. My husband never said no to his moms demands, he is a very nice man. He did a lot for his older brother too. He paid all the family loans all on his own. I had differences with his mom right from the beginning. He always told me that he knows everything but would tell me to be quiet for him as I meet mil twice a year for a few weeks. He always made sure his mum is living a comfortable life. His mom fought with me very badly when I was pregnant. I felt very bad. But I let all this go. Now when she told him he is not a good son and he never did anything for him really broke his heart. I hate to see him like this. I do not know what should I do. Should I try to patch things up in mother and son or just let time heal everything. I am just clueless. Some mothers are really heartless. She accuses him that he abandoned his mom in India but when he tells her join us here then she starts making excuses. He came overseas long time back, got his families expenses on line, made his career, keeping me and my child very comfortable and this is how his mom is rewarding him.

 

i actually wish she had a big heart. Because my mils generosity is only limited to these two girls. When I was pregnant she never even called me once to congratulate or anything. The day my daughter was born she actually mourned that oh god why a girl child. When she called me to congratulate she asked why I did not follow the Chinese calendar ?

that couple is not working, my husband spent a lot for that couple to make them independent but of no use.

when my mil brought home the second girl, my husband warned her a lot that in this age it will be hard for her to look after a teenager. He said if she wants to help they can pay for her education provided she stays with her own family.

Acc to my husband if that couple starts living with mil, it will be very hard to make them move out after x no. Of years because they are already acting as big leeches. He does not want to fight those legally battles.

my husband has done a lot more then needed for his family and relatives and still he is being called a very bad son. These are the words by his own mother which left him shattered.

He Is not that kind of a person who would show any power over some one. I was totally against his family dynamics. But his gentle hear made me accept him the way he is.

Iam least bothered about the house or anything. Because I beleive in him and his caliber, I iknow he will keep us comfortable always. its just that I hate to see him shattered. I do not know if I should try to patch things up in him and his mother or just leave it on time.