MAMA's BOY husband... And a controlling MIL n FIL... :(

Frankly Op.....Any normal mumma's boy would have been super pissed off by such stupid complains and told his mother to stop complaining. Shirt sleeves turned...WTF !!! what kind of a stupid complaint is that?But your husband seems to be still stuck in his mother's womb.

If I were in your place...I would put cotton in my ears are become super lazy. Stop listening and stop doing what she says. What will happen.....she will complain ...so what is new.If husband says something...I would just give him a blank stare and tell him...."anyways she complains and you act up...so what is the use".

If you can pick up a job and stay out of your 'Tihar jail' and your jailor mil....that would be good.If not ....pick up hobbies that you have been wanting to indulge in. Spend time doing those.....ignore everyone but your child.

If she compares to co-sister...just accept..."yeah ....she is good and fast."hmmmm and continue with your slow speed work.I don't know if it will help your situation....but it will really piss off that crazy mil of yours to know that you don't give a **** any longer.

 

Dear OP,

I can better understand your situation... Rather than focussing on what your MIL is complaining or comparing or back bitting... try to build a relationship with your husband... like whenever my hubby used to complain any such thing... i used to give him a big smile, hug him and say him "sweetz why are u getting involved in such stupid girly things.. they not at all suit you...". My MIL also keeps on complaining against me to my DH but I always try to build understanding with my DH.. in general I keep on explaining scenarios to him.... and never ever abuse his parents in front of him... if you have to put forward.. do it in a smart way... and in front of my MIL , i always pretend I am super happy in my life.. no one can beat that... this makes her fume...

be smart in dealing with your husband... try to build in romance between you too... try to go on outings... always pretend chilled out (not just pretend... even be) ... whenever he is around you.. you make sure you dont sound sad angry depressed... rather try to spend good quality time with him... for now never ever bring these household matters in between you.. even if he tries.. try to change the topic and make him realize that you want to go mushy mushy with him.. or watch a romantic movie together etc... try to pick what triggers him (except these matters) ... ask him in a good mood... check his likes dislikes... unfortunately with these mamma's boyz, we initially need to work hard but remember these have one positive point too that they are not just mamma's boy, if treated smartly they will be nice to us too.. because they have habit of caring about people close to them...

Dont take such silly comments by your MIL seriously... just do your work and keep having a visibility in front of your hubby... once u will avoid reacting to those silly comments, a day will come she will realize that you are stubborn or those comments are not impacting you in any way... she will stop those...

Alll d best!!

 

i have often thought about it and found that it is the man in the middle..husband to one and son to the other...that makes the two women fight tooth and nail with each-other. And as it is the dil who comes over to a house already under the rule of mil so, it is the mil who calls the shots in the initial years making the life of dil a living hell and not letting dil bond with her dh and in later years when the same mil is old and dependent, the dil virtually kicks her around as a revenge. by this time, she has drifted quite far form her dh and have become dependent on her son for her emotional requirements and so repeats the same drama with her dil when she comes in the picture. The same story repeats.

So in my opinion, the crux of the things is the man in the middle. You need to make him understand that:

1.You are an adult individual. He has no business to keep chiding you like a kid, chasing you around with a scale if you fail to please his mother.

2. It's a relation between you and him. If he wants to be momma's boy, let him be in his own way by running after his mom if he wishes, but he does not have any right whatsoever to turn you into a slave of his mom for that.

3. Any relationship outside the couple, be it between their respective parents and siblings or any one is dependent on those involved in it. It depends on mutual love and respect for each-other there. he cannot force any one to love the other, neither is it his business. he is no one to dictate the dynamics of relation between two adults. It's their own matter for which they both will try to make it work if they feel like.

4.If he so much wants that his mom and wife should get along, he has to remember that, it is not only the duty of the wife to build a heaven at home if mil is hell bent to make a hell there. If he has to interfere at all, he should do in both sides, trying to make both of them love each-other.

5. Most importantly, all relations work both ways. If he fails to prove himself as good husband to his wife, it is not only the wife who loses something, it is he himself too who loses something as well.

Try to make him see these points in whatever way suits the best. i think this is high time we come out of this vicious cycle by breaking the stereotype that breaking a marriage affects only the women and so the responsibility to make it work lies solely with the women only while men can happily continue to be in the womb of their moms without any responsibility towards his wife and to need their wife only to satisfy their physical needs.

 

Dear, its not only the problem of being mama's boy...but basic respect for wife is missing in ur hubby behaviour....
he thinks tht he can scold u for small household mistakes even infront of maid....this thinking is bigger problem....
demand respect from ur husband first....dont bring the mil in between....tell him tht u r not a maid but his wife and he has no right to scold u like this....ask him can u also scold him for his mistakes in public???

 

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Hi OP,

Please don't think this is completely irrelevant. But I think it is pretty important.
How are things between you and your hubby in bed? You don't have to answer this if you don't want to, but just think about it. You need a connection with your spouse. Come what fight may, sex does connect people.

So...you did mention..that initial years during your marriage, you kinda mentioned your mils behavior to ur hubby, now mil is doing this. From his perspective he is torn between 2 women. He is the one in the most horrible situation. He does not know how to balance the scale. He needs to step up, but looks like he does not know how or he is afraid that might cause more issues in the family. He is yelling at you..so according to the picture painted by MIL..he thinks you are not contributing enough. What I would say is, put a big calendar in the house and everyday when you do household chore, write it down. Don't spin it as I want to show you guys I am doing all this...but spin it as, I want to keep a log for myself so I can track and improve. End of the month, not only you but everyone will know everything you are doing for the house..be it running to the bank, paying a bill, cutting/cooking..whatnot. You gotta show them you contribute but in a nice way.

Say you do this and you realize you are not doing enough since you are working and you have a baby...any possibility to hire a maid?

He is not talking to you. Fine. Don't force him and at the same time don't bend backwards to please him and don't make any promises to please him..you cannot keep up sudden changes in habits for a lifetime.

Meanwhile when you guys are ready, if you are not doing so already, heat up the bed :2thumbsup:

 

I have been in such scenarios so I can correlate
dear, now act normal in front of your hubby... don't do extra sorry sorry... maintain your self respect... just be cordial and polite with every one.. give some time.. things will be normal automatically... keep on doing things in a normal way as you do... show as if nothing has happened... this will break patience of your husband... if he starts discussing/fight... just tell him very politely that you tried to talk.. and infact tried to felt sorry but you will damn angry so you thought to give him some time to be normal and then discuss...

To handle situation at your home... first you need to be self confident and cheerful... if you will sound weak, extra emotional to them.. they will hurt you more...

Not a big deal... I even did the same mistake and this created loads of problem between us in begining and then once I decided I will never say bad about his parents or any other relative to him... and infact once in a blue moon I appreciate his mom dad... this made him think that yes I think good about his family and that is my family too.. and you know what my MIL still crib about me to my DH... but now that doesnot impact him much... and i have judged that... and this strategy has bring him closer to me...

so dont worry... start it from today... and be patient and give your efforts some time... Be mature to decide when you need to be quiet... never miss a chance to build romance between you too... but on top of all this.. be self confident first and respect your self... indireectly start telling your hubby about all household tasks you are doing.. we need make visibility in front of him... like if you worked for 2 hours after office.. act tired and tell him ohh after such a hectic day at office... you did this and that at home.. this you need to tell as part of normal conversation.. no fight...


He has bond with his mom since his birth, if he is not able to understand that he shall respect his wife too, we need to make him understand by our efforts not words... your 6 months effort can lie heavily on 25-30 years bond if acted smartly... but one more thing... dont think he will be "against" of his parents.. its just that along with them... he will start giving more or equal respect to you too...

 

[FONT=&amp]You are so right. The main thing is the relation between the two, based on mutual love and respect for each-other. Whether any of them is a mumma’s boy or a pappa’s girl is a secondary thing. I, as a daughter, may still feel that I am my dad’s little girl, and my dad is my hero, but that is between me and my father. It has nothing to do between the two of us. I have to give the space to my husband that he deserves from me as my husband irrespective of what I feel for my father, if I want my relation with my dh to work. Will he tolerate disrespect from me simply because i love my dad a lot? NO period. And nobody should either. Thrusting the weight of one relation on the other shows lack of respect for the one on which it is thrust and eventually spoils all the relations. If the husband does not understand that, then today it is the mother tomorrow it can be anything else, but the disrespect may continue. So the main source of problem should be addressed first.[/FONT]