HELP ME..Newly married- dealing with inlaws

Dear OP,

Dear OP,


Since you are newly wed and new to these ILs issues. Few tips:


1) For few months, try to be patient and understand every one. Don't say anything bad to any one and just judge the nature of everyone.


2) ILs rarely like DIL especially MILs. For them, we are a competitor. So just make sure to have a good formal relationship with them. Laterly depending upon how it goes, you can decide on level of interaction.


2) Dont try to be a superwoman from begining. Do only that much which you think you can continue doing.This doesnot mean you dont do anything. Do but dont overdo.


3) Never ever say wrong about your MIL to your DH. This will never bring him closer to you. Most of us do the same mistake but no one can listen bad about their parents. Rather even if it is tough, you will appreciate any good part of your MIL in front of your DH, he will feel good about you. You cannot win your DH in few days. It is a time consuming process and need smart work. Take good care of him, build good intimacy and understanding between both of you. Never let any issue with ILs become a reason of fight between you too. Keep IL issues and husband seperate.Even if at times you need to discuss with DH the issues with ILs, make sure you do this politely without using bad words.


4)MIL commanding over you: This is something most of MILs try to do. Slowly you will learn how to deal with her. Decide few rules/boundaries for yourself which you can bear or not depending upon circumstances at your home and then act. Whatever you think is not bearable by you, you can politely raise your voice. Also you will have to learn ignoring her doings. Many of things only need to be ignored. the sooner you learn this, easier it will be.

All d best!!!

 

Take it easy, don't think too much. Try to have patience and strengthen the bond with your husband. With time, things will settle down hopefully

 

Dear OP,

as a new DIL you should learn some tactics to handle your life at In-laws place. in this forum there are ladies who tells various ways...like be patient & be good & do good...so on....some time it works.. but most of times it make us feel irritate.

remember some pints.
1. You dont have any close relationship with your husband compare to his relationship with his parents. so dont tell/ complaint/ sowing dissatisfaction/ disinterest/irritating mood on in-laws in front of DH. he is expecting good DIL from you to that house. act like that only in front of him. It improves love on you. he cant think in that way, their parents should good In-laws.

2. Dont do over work at home. do light weighted works only like chapping vegetable... arranging cloths..cleaning works. once you try to do over work..they will depend on you totally. so instead of getting honor, you will get burden in future.

3. if you are home maker...try to get job. so u can escape from in-laws at least for some time.

4. Dont tempt/ irritate...in any case. act as you are positive to all their actions. leave / ignore most of things at home as it their decision.

5. If they pin point any of your personals...like dressing...eating...sleeping...chatting...so on...then tell them it is your comfort. u will feel discomfort in way they want. leave room. let them blabber what they want...just be deaf instead of concentrating.

6. dont expect from them/ dont try to satisfy their expectations. be neutral. after some time you will able to manage those characters.

7. If FIL is dominating...let him. just imagine if it is your father...will you think like that. even though father commands, we will adjust our mind for him because he is your father. think in same way in case of FIL.

8. dont loose self confidence & trust your self...what u did is right instead of thinking other's way. If any one point out, support your self & your actions even though your DH oppose you.

 

While the poor wife has to walk through fire to win her husband's heart....what exactly does the man do to win his wife's heart in a joint family?

No wonder they want to live in joint family.

It looks like the guy gets a cattle home for mother to milk rather than a life partner.
If the wife doesn't perform to mommy's expectations and complains...he can say....hudd..hudd and give her the verbal stick.

 

Now bonding with ur dh is more important. Dont worry . Every thing will be alright

 

Hi OP

You problems are what most of the women suffer...
Unless you are one of those luckiest, rarest women,
most MILs do not like and never like their DILs no matter what you do. Fighting or replying back is going to worsen the situation between you and H. Normally H do not like hearing anything bad about THEIR anything - parents, relatives, bank balance even if you speak truth.Normal human behaviour..


MILs can not control their Hs so they think of DILs as their prey.. they have to get it out on someone and DILs are most vulnerable.

I think slowly you will learn on your own...You should try to take MIL in confidence. There might be more conflicts coming -house keeping, kitchen cooking, dressing up ...eating out...

Ultimate fact is: we can not cut them off..they are going to be your ILs and H's parents. You will have to devise a way to live with harmony. H will not do anything. ILs are difficult to change at this old age plus external influence from relatives.

Do not bend and bow on everything..

 

This is the harsh reality.. .i never understood how can woman love a man who cant protect her against abuse in his own home.....rather he becomes the silent observer and expects tht none will trouble him by complaining...
Is this what indian woman marry for....for keeping a fake face infront of her husband.....devising new techniques for handling the abuse....
man will be like this till the time woman
will keep trying on winning their heart irrespect of whther they deserve or not....

In in laws problem i feel husband is bigger culprit by being silent observer as he owes more to his wife than in laws.....but wht we woman do.....put all the blame on inlaws and try to procure the love of dh....
Billiyo ki ladai mein bandar ka faida....

 

Forget about love...how do you have any respect for a man who refuses to ,or is too spineless to protect his wife ,in his own house,from his own mother/parents.