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Feelig very disturbed

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Cool10, Apr 16, 2015.

  1. Cool10

    Cool10 Silver IL'ite

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    My ILs r here for extended visit. My MIL keeps saying bad things about her both DIL (me and co-sis). I told her n number of times not to discuss co-sis with me as I don't like this type of talk. Today she provoked me again and again saying both DILs are thieves. I couldn't any longer hold my temper and started yelling at her that what have we stolen from your house- tell me. We have always given to you. How can you call us thieves ?

    Am working and doing full household spending. My husband gives his entire salary to them. I never said anything. Still she calls me thief. I found this unbearable. It started yelling and it became a huge issue.

    Ultimately husband took her side and said you are misunderstanding.

    Tell me ladies what am I misunderstanding. What kind of culture is this to call your own DILs thieves again and again. And how can my husband still take her side and justify this behavior.

    Feeling totally depressed and feel like leaving such people. Disgusting.
     
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  2. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    Hugs to you cool10....i understand after doing everything for in laws...name calling can blow the fuse of anybody....
    ur husband took her side because you started yelling and his sympathy turned towards his mother and he felt like protecting his mother and tried to make u cool down...
    if instead of yelling , u have started crying then ur husband sympathy must have been towards you....

    You shuld calmly talk to ur MIL and dh ...tht wht made her calling u thief....and u will not tolerate such namecalling...
     
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  3. nb25

    nb25 Gold IL'ite

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    Tell her coolly - Yes we are all thieves and robbers. So, please stop using our tainted money, or you will be equally guilty by association. Then walk away, and let her fume.
     
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  4. sumathysuguna

    sumathysuguna Silver IL'ite

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    Everybody in In-laws house except husband, always c us alien bcoz we r from another family. This type of culture is following frm centuries. Its basically a cultural psychology. We can't change just like that. So its better ignore them or else roughly answerback. If u answerback, they will behave well, not suddenly, takes time. I think don't take these issues to husband (anyway he will support them). Its a human psychology. It will be applicable to us also.
     
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  5. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Next month,send your entire salary to your parents and ask your husband to run the household finances.Both of them will realize your value.
     
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  6. jaden

    jaden Gold IL'ite

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    I totally agree with what coolgal has said.Sometimes you need to be diplomatic to get out of situations.Had you been crying instead of shouting at your mil,you would have won this battle by getting the sympathy of your husband.Next time dont react.Better go to your room ,start howling away,if you cant ,take some acting lessons from the saas bahu serials ,rub an onion on your eyes .I am sure this is the only way out,when you have such manipulative inlaws.Also start saving in some property or a house loan where in there is some amt going in compulsorily month after month.Let the inlaws face the crunch.
     
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  7. oysterzzz

    oysterzzz Gold IL'ite

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    its just irritating when i hear "My husband gives his entire salary to them."
     
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  8. pear

    pear Gold IL'ite

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    Giving more money to PILs wont solve any issues ,but creates more issues.They will still think that you have too much and not giving enough.You start feeling angry and they get offended.You could request your dh to contribute for house expenses or invest your money somewhere so your dh would be compelled to share expenses.
     
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  9. AprilLisa

    AprilLisa Gold IL'ite

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    its really insulting to hear such things for DILs, and we end up shouting with anger, which goes against us. that's what happened in your case. she provoked you until you burst out, and then she showed that to her son, and he stood against you and she got brownie points, that's what she wanted.

    When she started calling you guys thieves, you should have said to her...."you are really brave mummyji, that you are able to show your face to neighbors and relatives. i really admire you. How sad and insulting it is, for you, that your sons got married to thieves, I am just wondering if they deserved better than that".

    Next time, try provoking her mildly, i am sure you won't need to stoop down to her level, and show that to her son. :thumbsup
     
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  10. Cool10

    Cool10 Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks for writing to me. Yes, I agree - should have handled calmly. Somehow I lost my temper with her since this has been going on for much time :-( now I am the villian.
     

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