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mother in law coming to live with us

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by cheesecake, Mar 28, 2015.

  1. cheesecake

    cheesecake Senior IL'ite

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    My mother in law is coming to live with me and hubby after my baby.I think when she is here a little independence and privacy will be gone for me.I can't watch TV much or wear what I like.only see her tv prog and make food what she wants and can't wear jeans.it is for 6 months.can you all tell me how a day goes by with mil?how to be relaxed and problem free when she is here when husband is not at home.
     
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  2. adimad

    adimad Silver IL'ite

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    :-( I am the worst person to advise on this situation.

    My in-laws have come here for 6 months on pretext of helping with baby and have left me and husband separated. I dont blame them 100% - husband is as much to be blamed.

    Just make sure your relationship is strong enough to fare this. Just after having a kid is anyways a very sensitive time for couples and for new mum's emotional health too.

    Take care and all the best!!
     
  3. Visasri

    Visasri Platinum IL'ite

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    Do wear what you like with small adjustments. For eg, go for jeans, and the top that looks professional. If MIL disagrees tell her, you do it all the time, and your DH too can support you too, for he knows how it would work. if you think DH would never back up, handle with grace and never reply, nod and go off. She should understand. No back answering, nothing, but do what you do. Say you need to watch a few programs, and sit and watch. Do not lose it, or tell her you have slots for everyone to watch TV, certain for you, and if others dont prefer to watch them and tell her ohters cna take a break and no compulsion to watch.
     
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  4. abla

    abla Gold IL'ite

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    Cant wear jeans in USA ? :idontgetit: Tell her as soon as she arrives that you have planned a shopping trip for her to get some culturally and weather appropriate clothing and that it will be really weird for her to wear Saree/Salwar in USA .
     
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  5. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    Get a separate tv. Ask your husband to install it your bedroom or her bedroom. An extra tv will buy a lot if peace.

    start slow by wearing jeans with kurtis and then slowly move to tops. Tell her it easy to feed baby . Slowly reduce the length of tops.

    Plan to keep yourself busy and ask your husband to keep her busy.
     
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  6. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    Tell ur mil if she objects that jeans is national attire of US :).....just politely inform her tht this is the kind of dressing every indian woman of ur age wears in
    US....so u dont want to be odd man out...if she refuses to understand just ignore her...
    get a separate tv for u....lot of headache saved...
    earlier we used to have only one tv in hall....my fil used to watch it all day...there was no chance for me to watch my own choice....but even i wanted to see whatever he is watching...i have to sit with them(mil n fil) ....and my fil dont miss tht chance to taunt me or raising topics on which he wants to harrass me...
    And my hubby didnt want to put one more tv in out bedroom ....wht will his parents think....i had to fought tooth n nail just for a tv....but finally i got a tv....and it was worth to fight....:)
     
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  7. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    As other friend suggested get couple of western attire for her(jeans, scarf, nice top and a jacket first), if she uses them u can buy more.

    She can't object your dressing style, she may take advises from you.

    I too think getting another TV is good , even small one for her bed room and move your tv to your room.

    sitting room will be peaceful, u can use your kitchen peacefully.

    Feed them well especially first few days ( as they remember first few days in forming a opinion about how u took care of them, yeah, they except it), including getting all varieties of outside food(Chinese, Thai, pizza, pasta, sandwich, subway, mc.Donalds burger etc all)

    Keep her busy with some craft work (you get all supplies for any type of work) or start new hobby for her. Or give gardening work for her, it keeps her busy.
     
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  8. hellosister

    hellosister Silver IL'ite

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    My mil also did not want me to wear jeans and i obliged that :( but what happened after that was her demands increased day by day to the level she used to comment on under garments!!!!!! slowly slowly her behavior was un bearable cos she used to comment about my undies to my husband:) he used to see tv and ignore but i got very frustrated and one day in my room i broke down started crying:) i said my husband i want right to wear clothing:) he really felt a lot for me since he was noticing everything and my silence as well......
    well surprise for me was when my mil demanded us to buy some jeans and t shirt for her to wear since she is in US now :) like a fool i was appreciating that she would not have worn in her lifetime and was very excited and we did shopping for her:) after that she said i can wear jeans:) my t shirts were mega sleeves and for that she fought with me n husband that i don't have shame then as usual mama's boy asked me not to wear since she was fighting like she doesnt need mike and we were scared that neighbor might complain , as usual i obliged then after two months of the fight i see when we went to visit some relatives when she removed her sweater she was wearing sleevless chudidhar :)i was damn shocked and looked at my husband finding she looking shockingly at me :)

    today i am actually laughing at all those things she did but that time my mind was to run from that place and break the marriage if can't break the marriage commit suicide.....there i huge list what all she did hope your inlaws are not like that.....
    but one thing i realised is the more you try to adjust the more people exploit you and in my case the last nail to my coffin was when she said my husband not to trust me cos i am wolf in sheeps clothing and he better not trust me else his life will be spoiled and i will kill him:)
     
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  9. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    A milestone like having a baby is a good time to change some things and restriction that were considered acceptable and default so far. No wholesale war, just small tactful change of course.

    Simply wear what you like. Do not give any reason or justification to her or husband. The instant you give a justification, you are accepting their right to disapprove, and are inviting a debate that you will lose.

    TV - getting another TV for 6 months, and all its associated install hassle - is it worth it? Can you disappear into your bedroom with your laptop and watch the programs online?

    Cooking - Is she going to help? Like really help? If yes, then, you should compromise a little. If not, like dressing, cook what you can, when you can.

    Above all, do not whine to husband or ask him to talk to his mother. He will not. Not when she is here to 'help' you. Fix what you can, ignore some and bear some.
     
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  10. abla

    abla Gold IL'ite

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    She had a problem with your undergarments and complained to her son ?whaatsmileyWatch out ..based on what you have said soon she will be shopping in Victoria secrets for thongs and balconette lace bra's .Just saying !
     
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