younger co sister not friendly with me. plz help

cutemommy · Mar 12, 2015

Dear readers,
My bil recently got married. Im married for 5 and 1/2 years. we dont live with my in laws. But its more or less like a joint family only because i use to share everything with her.

but ofcourse at times she has shown her mother in law face. ok i tolerate it for my sweet hubby who takes care of me very well. but my strict father in law is now a liberal father in law for my co sister.

My co sister is little bit reserved but i use to mingle with each other. From the beginning i tried a lot sincerely to be a good dil and good wife.

But my co sister is hurting me with words when no one is around us

1) i was kidding my son"acting fellow", she told me"is he a good actor than u". she doesnt know me before. i have a good name infront of our relatives like everybody will name me mil to have a dil like me. for that i sincerely,honestly respected every relatives. not intentionally. in the same way our marriage was a very grand affair when compared to bil's marr. Im not responsible for that.

2) we r moving to my in laws town where my bil and his wife too staying.but not in their house. she asked me before marr "u ppl will not come close to our house ryt?" I dont know how to take these facts. it was not casual.

3) i spoke to her three to four times before marriage. at that time she was acting like as such she is very friendly with me. but after marriage,even on marriage day also she didnt even consider me.

4) after marriage when i tried to talk she simply shut her room door. my bil was not there. i know she need some space.

5) my mil use to pinch me for not hvg baby immediately after marr. my husband affraid to reveal about plans. i got a big lecture from her. ofcourse now we have a cute son.

6) My mil generally will not allow us to go out/eat. but here she is just pampering my co sister like a 3 months old baby. she didnt even consider my husband on the marriage day. that i am not able to tolerate.

7) my mil is feeding her daily, my strict father in law will be sitting on the table till she finishes lunch. i dont know what to say?

8) once i tried nicely to convey that myself and my co sis doesnt have a nice relationship. My mil simply ignored and said she is not like that..just three days only they r living under the same roof.. but i am with her for 6 years.

9) i was talking to my mil regarding stove repair and i told her that i ll give a spare new stove. i dint even asked my mil about my co sis things/seer[ the things will be sent by her parents]. they didnt even buy anything for her. but for me my parents bought everything well before. i didnt blame her. i didnt even think about it at that time. when everyone left from that place she came to me and said " my parents have also given me lot of things. i asked aththai but she only didnt allow me to bring". seriously i didnt mention anything about her.

10) If i take bath, she ll also take bath.If wash my face she will also do the same. but she ll not come and talk to me in a casual way. i feel she is jealous of me. because all r appreciating me infront of her.

11) My mil is calling me by her name. which i cant tolerate. Just three days she has changed a lot. I dont know how to take up the things.

now my husband wants to react as he doesnt like her attitude. so now he wants to react. i feel its too late. coz my fil is strict ryt from the beginning. now i dont think so that they ll realise the things. coz we did our parents [both parents] 60th birthday in a grand way. we didnt show any difference.

even i use to give gifts to my mother and to my mother in law without any difference because their birthdays also falls on the same month just a week difference as same our dads. i never showed any difference. but why now mother in law is showing this attitude?

I cant simply ignore my co sister.coz i want to have a good relationship with her. as the elder daughter in law i did my duties sincerely.but no recogonition also.we gifted them about Rs. 20000 for their honeymoon.i only gave the idea to my husband. I want my mil to be friendly with me again. i want my co sis to understand me.what to do friends? should i call her or should i wait for her to understand me? because of this family politics im not able to be calm and quiet. we r getting unnecessary fights. because my husband is little bit reserved but he is loving me a lot.plz help

sheztheone · Mar 12, 2015

"It's funny how some distance makes everything seem small."

I understand how bad you must be feeling, but all of them are in the new DIL honeymoon phase. It is best for you to back off now and appear busy. Do not contact them for a while and speak only when spoken to.

cutemommy · Mar 12, 2015

Sheztheone
thats true. thanks a lot for ur reply. how to tackle my co sister's hurting words? how to convey my mil about that. yesterday i tried.but she didnt even listen. Im not lying anything. but i ll implement ur idea.thanks a lot

sugugiri2010 · Mar 12, 2015

Hi op, why worry so much....? if she dont minds u ,just leave... go on with ur life... there are lot of things in life to be worried about.

Enjoy ur life as u have a lovely husband. be least bothered about others.

SGBV · Mar 12, 2015

Dear OP

I think you are afraid of losing your GOOD DIL crown to your co-sis; thus you are insecure about the whole thing.

Your co-sis is a new member in the family. Welcome her wholeheartedly.

I am the elder DIL of my PILs. They treated me very badly until recently. Now we are patched up, and leading a great relationship.
My second BIL got married last year. MIL surely treated co-sis with care. She learnt the lesson this time. I am happy about this better treatment and not jealous.

Now that my youngest BIL is about to get married. MIL is supper nice with the new girl. She treats her as a pet only.. even she calls her with a pet name. For me, she always called my official name - not even the short name that my family used to call me.

But I hardly feel about it. After all I am not married to my MIL. Why should i break my head for some X's relationship with Y? As long as both X and Y are cordial with me, I am fine.

Your insecurity may be visible in your acts with co-sis, because it is very much noticeable in this post here. Perhaps, she is being rude after marriage followed by your different behavior.
Eg: telling MIL about co-sis in a bad way within this shortly.

You know what, out of insecurity, my MIL behaved like a maid to my husband and did so much sewa when we stayed there initially. She would remove his shoes, feed food and what not... All I felt was.. what a performance. Now it is not my fault.

So, beware.

guesshoo · Mar 12, 2015

Whenever someone passes mean comments as a "joke", it is best to frown without a smile, look at the person and say, "pardon? What did you mean by that?" Let them talk, do the back pedalling. Even if they explain, just keep not smiling, raise your eyebrows and say "Ohhh-Kay" at then end and look away as if it beats you why someone would say that.

How your ILs treat her is frankly none of your business. They are all different individuals with free will. There is nothing you can do about it.

Complaining will just not work. It will in-fact backfire. Don't try to show her up either. Let her be.

Now, you can't force people to be friendly with you. You have tried. Now back off. Don't go about trying to be friendly with your co-sis or please her or whatever. Be cordial, polite and pleasant but mind your own business.

I don't know why but I have a sneaky suspicion she would be the sort to come complaining to you about your ILs and anything you say then will be mis-quoted against you. Keep your distance. Let her find her footing.

In time she might learn. Or she might not. Don't ruin your peace over other people's bad behaviour. Focus on your positiver - husband and child.

cutemommy · Mar 12, 2015

thanks SGBV, for ur valuable comments. its not loosening the crown and all.i never showed anything infront of her. i know she is also a girl like me. she can maintain a distance with my mother in law as she is new to her. but for me i know her for the past six months.i tried calling her a lot. i want peace only. i wanted to rectify it at the beginning itself. because my sister has also faced the same thing. i also feel happy that she is nice atleast to that girl.
As an edler daughter in law, i think u have lot of experience. definitely i ll try to implement that. thank u

cutemommy · Mar 12, 2015

thank u guesswhow for ur valuable comments. true yesterday i didnt want to complain or something. i just wanted to convey my mil about our relationship as it almost one month. i have been in contact with her well before the marriage. now i dont know the reason for her to maintain a distance with me. thats the prob.
anyways im going to ignore these matters for a while as i have to relocate soon. thank u so much.

cutemommy · Mar 12, 2015

SGBV.. i have a doubt. how long it took for u to understand ur co sis. is she friendly with u? its almost one month. im not hurrying . i want her to take time. im not jealousy character also. this time my husband only noticed that "she is avoiding me".he only gave me an alert. i just want to know the reason. thats it. i never thought of complaining her to my mil as it has no use. i want to have a nice relationship with them. as my sis also had a tough time with her in laws and as u said they got patched up recently only.because of her problem my father's health got spoiled.

My fear is not loosening the crown or i dont want the best dil award and all. i dont want fights or misunderstandings. because once its spoilt, it cannot be patched up. that scar will be there always. I am trying to avoid it. thats it.thank u dear. after reading ur post only i realised even if i take this topic directly to my in laws they may also feel that im jealous only .true.another problem would have raised. hereafter i ll take further steps very carefully as my hubby is supporting me.