Did my BIL nd Co sis nd MIl insult me? What should I do ?

indubalram · Feb 2, 2015

There had been always a cold war between both houses. Its all because of MIl the whole war. She keeps comparing both the family, like whos better all that stuff. BIl is elder and normally takes care of MIl even if we are ready to spend for her medical issues, MIl wants the elder one to spend etc.

It was their sons marriage. And we went all the way to attend the wedding inspite of many insults before. Since we stay in Usa and I work I had to cut my hair short. They just gave this reason and did not allow me to do the ritual which is normally done by every one in the family. This is called the rice balls rounding ceremony. I was wearing the 9 yards and could tie my hair with a band.My Mil had the greatest joy of informing me in front of everyone. Hey look here you cannot do this ritual tomorrow since you have cut your hair!!!

I just want to know is this an insult? How would you guys take this? I want to give it back by not even calling them for my daughters wedding.

Whats ur opinion, Please advice.

Thank you so much

yellowmango · Feb 2, 2015

Your mil was unnecessarily mean and insensitive to you in front of other people.
About bil and co -sister....Do they have the standing in the house to oppose her or correct her.If yes...then they should have corrected her...If not.,..then they probably were helpless too.

Does your husband know this? What was his reaction?
I would have given mil a very long silent treatment .
As for your daughter's wedding ...How old is she?I think that would be an over kill...besides this is between you and mil so keep it between you two......let DDs wedding not be done with acrimony.She might want her grandmother there.

indubalram · Feb 2, 2015

But my MIl says she just conveyed the message from Bil family. Ofcourse she was very happy doing that. my Husband said dont bother just ignore. but I felt very bad since that event is supposed to be very important in a wedding.
How do I give this back to them.? Please advice.

CrayoNess · Feb 2, 2015

No point of putting energy on those kind of small, silly things. It was rude, childish and what so ever. I would make some jokes (with a small hint of how silly they are) and move on. By revenging and "giving back" you end up in a vicious cycle that will never stop.

yellowmango · Feb 2, 2015

Op...let your husband know you are deeply hurt. You can later on decide whether you want to be involved in such function with her.

Esh · Feb 2, 2015

Ouch. That was mean. Your BIL's famliy just wanted to exclude you from the ritual for no reason and your MIL was being petty by conveying that message infront of others.

The only thing you should do now is to ignore them. By fighting back they are not going to see their fault and it will probably make things more awkward/unpleasant.

Please don't be upset over this, when they don't feel ashamed on what they have done why should you even spend anytime over this?

Sometimes, ignorance is bliss. ;-)

sheztheone · Feb 2, 2015

If it were me, I would say that since it seems like those with short hair are not welcome here, I will leave.
If you just left, she would have to answer all the relatives asking where DIL is, and would've pleaded with you to come back.

Sounds extreme, but sometimes people need a shock treatment.

abla · Feb 2, 2015

Can you get some clip in extensions and ask "Now what " ?

abla · Feb 2, 2015

On a serious note I would just walk out . I do not know your family dynamics but still if they do not want you to feel welcome and included then why bother to stay.thinkingsmiley

divyas83 · Feb 2, 2015

I am very sorry to hear that.. Very mean and unnecessary. I was also awarded with some mean comments by MIL in front of everyone. I stopped speaking to her and rationing my husband's visit to my MIL's place. I know its petty but I can't seem to help it...

Best option is be friendly with everyone except your MIL and do not speak to her. I tried and looks like working... Have to wait and watch...