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Just a vent: Do I brood on this or let go?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by drnamshara, Jan 31, 2015.

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Jan 31, 2015 #1
drnamshara Gold IL'ite

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DH is on his first and long awaited on-site assignment opportunity at a different country and is off for a couple of weeks. Though MIL did not seem very ok with him going away for long, I was very happy for him and he was very excited...
He will be travelling with a colleague who also stays close by to our home (mine & DH) and also the airport is nearer to our place.

But despite the proximity DH planned to take all the things from our home to in-laws place bit by bit through the week and do the final packing there itself and leave from in-laws place. And because it is a late night flight he said I need not come to see him off!

I felt a little low on hearing that but suppressed the unwanted thoughts.
First time after marriage we will be away from each other and I am feeling bit lonely with the thoughts of having to stay by myself too....

I finally blurted out asking him if at least on his return can I look forward to seeing him at home? or will he go to in-laws home straight from the air-port?
To which he dint reply a while and then said "lets see...I may have to come a day earlier and lie to them in that case".....
I dint know what to say to this and so just withdrew from the conversation...

I dont know what kind of weird feeling this is!
Every weekend I make sure he spends entirely with in-laws...
But in this situation I dont get to see him off, I dont get to greet him first on return...heavy heart!
Am I being possessive? Or is it just attachment I wonder!

drnamshara, Jan 31, 2015

drnamshara, Jan 31, 2015

#1

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Jan 31, 2015 #2

Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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One needs to understand who the partner is (who they are marrying) - before the marriage, or if not before - atleast after the marriage. Once you know what type of person your hubby is - for "non-major issues"- either you change your expectations or he changes his behavior to suit you. Usually we only have control over our own selves and can only change our own self. (again, only talking about non-major issues).

You cannot force a real internal change on another person that easily (external changes perhaps yes, real internal change can only be made by that person himself).

Ragini25, Jan 31, 2015

Ragini25, Jan 31, 2015

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Jan 31, 2015 #3

Esh Senior IL'ite

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Oh wow. Not to add more oil to the fire but I will throw a fit if my husband says like that.

It is definitely not possessiveness. It is a basic expectation of a person who loves her husband.

It it is okay to leave from his mom's home but to ask you not to send him off is ridiculous. Why is there a need for him to lie to his parents to go home to his wife? Does he not understand his wife will miss him just like his parents if not more. I am really sorry that this is happening to you. As a wife whose huband leaves on overseas trips often I can understand your plight.

It it is time for you to talk to him. Tell him how important it is for you to send him off and that you are going miss him terribly when he is away.

Or or ask him if you can drop/pick him up from the airport since it's near your home.

Or go to your inlaws when he leaves and comes back. Again, tell him it's important for you to be with him before he leaves and when he comes back.

Use love as your weapon.

Esh, Jan 31, 2015

Esh, Jan 31, 2015

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Jan 31, 2015 #4

Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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^ Sorry - just the phrase made me cringe. Love when used as a weapon, loses its very essence of love. I know you didn't mean it that way (since u added smiley), but the phrase made me cringe. Sorry.

Ragini25, Jan 31, 2015

Ragini25, Jan 31, 2015

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Jan 31, 2015 #5

hrastro Platinum IL'ite

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At least he's not lying to you about lying to his parents
He's being straight forward with you na!!
And because it is late night flight he didnt want to worry about your trip back from airport to home! So he is caring !!
Both positive points ;-)

hrastro, Jan 31, 2015

hrastro, Jan 31, 2015

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Jan 31, 2015 #6

yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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But despite the proximity DH planned to take all the things from our home to in-laws place bit by bit through the week and do the final packing there itself and leave from in-laws place. And because it is a late night flight he said I need not come to see him off!
Click to expand...

To which he dint reply a while and then said "lets see...I may have to come a day earlier and lie to them in that case"..
Click to expand...

If my husband acted like that.....I would tell him to grow up.

yellowmango, Jan 31, 2015

yellowmango, Jan 31, 2015

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Jan 31, 2015 #7

Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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drnamshara said: ↑

Every weekend I make sure he spends entirely with in-laws...
Click to expand...

But why? :confused2:

Rihana, Jan 31, 2015

Rihana, Jan 31, 2015

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Jan 31, 2015 #8

CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

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I would buy a neatly packaged basket with all kind of baby/kid stuff and give it to him. As he is so attached to his parents it seems like he is not yet grown up so he would probably enjoy having a pacifier and some toys

CrayoNess, Jan 31, 2015

CrayoNess, Jan 31, 2015

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Jan 31, 2015 #9

Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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OP,

What you are feeling is natural. But, it is his first trip abroad, so, a big thing for him and his parents too, and so the arrival/departure from their house.

Let this be a battle you don't pick.

He will miss you. You will miss him. Make this 'apart period' memorable. Keep all chats and conversations pleasant.

When he returns, let him go to his parents' house first. Gracefully, and without complaints or long face or sad comments. When he comes to your place, plan a welcome he won't forget for years to come.

The sex and romance and catching up after an absence is often memorable. To that memory add a wife who didn't nag. Even more memorable.

This message is pending approval from Ragini.

Rihana, Jan 31, 2015

Rihana, Jan 31, 2015

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Feb 1, 2015 #10

armummy Platinum IL'ite

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You can still go see him off at the airport and receive him at the airport. If traveling at night is a problem, you can stay at the airport till morning , usually most flights from india are after midnight.

you will last person to see him off and first first to receive if it helps your feelings .

armummy, Feb 1, 2015

armummy, Feb 1, 2015

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