Stressed and Venting !!

Weasly · Dec 25, 2014

So my BIL and co-sis are now visiting India first time after marriage. They have always taken any opportunity to very nicely and diplomatically manipulate the inlaws against me and Dh. As you all know by now I did not tell my co-sis or BIL the last time they were visiting us about the tension between me and MIL/FIL. I did not mention that I wasnt in talking terms with them. Avoided comin on skype somehow while my co-sis was all chirpy with them on skype. I dont think they noticed that I maintained a distance from inlaws. But now they are there and I am sure they will notice that only Dh talks on phone and I dont. And now MIL is after Dh to do skype again, and I dont know what I should do then. Its not that I am scared of them, its just that I might lose my cool if they say any crap over skype.

I had just completed my semester and was about to relax when all this has started. I wasnt even able to enjoy semester end, nor will be able to enjoy christmas as i'll be stressed about what manipulations they are playing there. Dh says to calm down as the relationship are at the worst so how much more worse can it get. He is supportive(touchwood) but they are his parents and will call them and skype with them no matter what, and I have no issues if he does, its just that when they call and skype my BP goes high (I know its wrong, but its not under my control).

last time bil and co-sis did their manipulation and the relations got so spoiled that they are beyond repair, so I am just worried what will they do now.

i dont know, I am just stressed and wanted to vent. When I get stressed I am hardly able to maintain my calm and get things done properly that is the reason I stopped talking to MIL and FIL. Everything is just so uuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhh right now!! We are planning to go to India in March, so I dont know what is going to happen then (co-sis is also staying more number of days with inlaws then I intent to stay, and it is making me question should I stay longer with them but then my BP goes up again, and also it seems they consulted MIL before booking the tickets to her parents place for a auspicious day to go, which I dont intend to do as I find it extremely stupid and interfereing.....i am just not in the right frame of mind to concentrate on anything, and I have some important interviews coming up that I cannot afford to screw, I am just not thinking straight! ...Anyways just wanted to vent..thanks for listening ! Any suggestion to calm oneself when you are expecting a bad storm to come???

yellowmango · Dec 25, 2014

Weasly...it is a long life and you should live it the way you naturally can.You maintain your relationship with in laws independent of BIL and co sisters relationship.

If they want to cause trouble...they will do it anyways.Even if you try to change...how long can you keep it up?If you can't continue to massage their egos like co sister does....then they will accuse you .You have established a boundary....maintain it, if getting closer will result in friction.If you can't tolerate and have a fight...it will be worse than what it is now.Your husband is right.

Concentrate on your life with husband.Maintain basic relationship with in laws....but politely and as respectfully as possible. Don't let BIL/co sister 's behavior decide how you will behave with them. You don't have to be identical .

MalStrom · Dec 25, 2014

Hey Weasly,
First of all thanks for writing in longhand ;-) !
You know the nature of everyone by now. Use that to your advantage. Maintain your own relationships, and don't concern yourself with others. If your in-laws are not nice to you, then just be polite. Why walk the extra mile?
And stay as long as you want with your parents. If your in-laws are the complaining type then nothing will satisfy them.
Enjoy your break and start shopping for your trip!

Weasly · Dec 26, 2014

Thank you @yellowmango and @MalStrom.....yes you both are right! Ill try to be like the way i am right now! There is no point in changing oneself for someone who will never be satisfied! Thank you ladies for knocking some sense into me!!

Rihana · Dec 26, 2014

Weasly said: ↑

Any suggestion to calm oneself when you are expecting a bad storm to come???
Click to expand...

You need to come out from under the blanket, peep under the bed, and assure yourself that there are indeed no monsters under the bed.

Root cause of current tension is the threat of what the skype calls can do. Make those calls happen. Be there at the beginning and end of the calls, also pop in once in the middle. It will underline your importance in your husband's life, and it will show that you are not scared, and it will show that you are not terribly interested in their conversation either.

Twinkel · Dec 26, 2014

Weasly, calm down and relax. Remember something, Nothing is important in your life than you yourself and your peace. If something is bothering you and when you know that there is a damage beyond repair, why bother at all? @Rihana is right, you seem to be more worried because of the skype sessions, just be there at the beginning and the end of the call, pop in between and make yourself busy rest of the time. What and how your bil and cosis behave and handle them is none of your business. Stop stressing yourself and don't even try to know the details of what they have been upto. You do what you feel is right thing to do at the moment, not what your bil/cosis are doing or what your mil is expecting out of you.

Weasly · Dec 26, 2014

@Rihana and @Twinkel thank you ladies for the response. You are right ladies, i just need to face it and get done with it. Its just that inkaws with bil and co-sis all together created a really bad situation for me last year. I wasnt prepared nor did i know something like this could happen, i had just left home n did not know these things that you see on tv shows about dil-mil tiffs actually do happen. I have become stronger overtime and have taken things into my hand rather than being dependent on anybody else. I know i would be able to handle them better, but this combination of inlaws bil n cosis has left like a bad scar in my mind. It is that more than anything that is irritating me to the core and therefore wanted to vent!

Thank you again for listening and responding ladies! You people are just an awesome source of positivity for me !!