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Can't forget and forgive!!

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by sweetestshweta, Dec 22, 2014.

  1. sweetestshweta

    sweetestshweta Gold IL'ite

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    Well by now I guess you all have a fair idea about my problems and fights.
    Things are going on as usual.Its a daily battle.I am getting better at things.Following a lot of things I mentioned in my earlier posts and they have been yielding good results.Its more peaceful at home now,DH and I argue very less,MIL sort of knows that I am cold towards her-although she tries to initiate talking and being very sweet on face and same is the case with SIL..But I maintain my distance because I very well know their capabilities to play foul game any time and fill DH's and BIL's ears with any kind of dirt..
    So all in all,things are going fine-not 100% as I would want them to be but ok..

    But ladies,I am not able to forget the past incidents-the acts of selfishness played by MIL and SIL,the way they used to spread wrong things,the way my MIL is so biased towards SIL,the fact that despite doing all the duties I am never treated at par with SIL etc..
    Sometimes these pangs of sadness and anger do crop up.
    Especially the fact that MIL took away half of my jewellery and said that she'll give it later.I know its never coming back.It was just an eye wash.I am not a very big jewellery lover but MIL's act left a deep scar on my mind and heart.She pretends as though nothing happened and behaves all coochy coo.. But she got all she wanted and everything is again to normal-like nothing happened at all.Whenever I mention this to DH,he keeps quiet.Even when I say how hurt I am because I am the last in the favourite list-he keeps quiet-doesn't even ensure me..
    I am earning-i know I can make much more jewellery but I want to sometimes scream and tell my MIL how bad she has been.And how it hurts that despite of your wrong doings,I have to take care of her and her selfish daughter.
    Yes,my self respect is much more than asking her again for that chunk of jewellery but i just can't forget it..
    Today was such a day when everything came rushing in front of my eyes-my brother's wife was showing me the kundan set got from my mom on her child birth and I felt such a sharp pain in my heart because my MIL gave me nothing-rather took away half of what I already had.. And she chose the perfect time for that-my pregnancy,when I could not even fight.. And she didn't even say it openly that she was taking it away for good-she said,"its yours and I'll give it to you on appropriate moment".. I felt like giving away everything and also telling her to give away all the property too(anyways who knows if we ever get any share in that..Havent got any till now..She might give it all to SIL only)..Atleast if she says this thing in open,we'll be relieved from our duty to serve SIL and her like donkeys..
    She is not ashamed about it and the family(including my DH) have so conveniently forgotten about it..
     
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  2. Reesha

    Reesha Silver IL'ite

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    what she did with your jewelry? is that there in bank or some where else or sold by her?
    if it presents with her, ask her directly. otherwise take her jewelry just for any purpose & keep it with you until your pain gone away...:) . let her also enjoy pain like u.
     
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  3. sweetestshweta

    sweetestshweta Gold IL'ite

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    Its with her in the joint locker(of MIL and SIL).. I felt so hurt by it that actually i never never want to ask her for it ever again.
    Actually the underlying reason was that-she thinks DH and I both are earning.Apart from the monthly help we give to SIL,both ladies keep asking for a lot of more stuff.
    And MIL indirectly told us to make jewellery for SIL and her DD.Well we didn't have much money and even if we had,thats the last thing I would get made for them.Their love for jewellery is mind boggling-MIL had a lot of it.She gave me one fourth than SIL and half than co sis.So,in any case I got the least.
    I would not mind if she took away from all three or even if she said directly that she wants to give it to SIL or her DD.But she did this in such a sheepish manner-saying that she'll give it to me on appropriate time(God knows what's that)..

    Although she is such an impressionist-whenever there is a function or wedding,she wants to boast a lot about how much she loves her DILs and gave them so much..But who knows what happened inside 4 walls!!
    I have always denied wearing it after she took it...
    I don't think I will ask for it from her..Or should I?Won't that show me like a person who has no self respect after what she did?
     
  4. Weasly

    Weasly Gold IL'ite

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    I feel you Op. YOu should just ask for it sweetly from her, ask in a mnner she cannot refuse, like in front of people, or for a ocassion where she has to give it to you, like a ocassion at your parent's place. Or that your brother's wife wants to see it for the design, she wants the same one. And keep nagging her till the time she gives it. And always ask in front of people where she is uncomfortable, not in front of people where it will backfire that u are asking for your jewellery.
     
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  5. anjananathan

    anjananathan Platinum IL'ite

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    I have read many of your post.. based on it, this is my reply to you..

    I would say you were expecting from very wrong person.. this is never going to happen.. not many has this kind of trait i.e. being unbiased and treating every one equally ..

    IMO, you are wrong.. its your jewelry and you have all rights to ask for it.. why do you think your self respect will get affected if you are asking your own things.. you are expecting the other person to think and act right.. good if that happens.. if not take control of your things..

    Go home today and tell her that you need your jewelry so that you can use it..first, put it gently and if she is acting smart and resist giving it , ask her openly why is she holding it and what's the intention.. also ask your DH why you are not allowed to keep your own jewelry ..

    Don't give up swetha.. Stand up at least for your own things and take it back..
     
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  6. anjananathan

    anjananathan Platinum IL'ite

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    oopsss.

    So is it her jewelry ? If yes, never take it from her and don't wear it on functions also.. let the duo wear it and enjoy it.. who cares ?
     
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  7. sweetestshweta

    sweetestshweta Gold IL'ite

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    Don't know if its hers or mine..
    50% of it was the ones gifted to me by their side on my wedding..At that time,I was given much much less than what was given to co sis or SIL by them in their weddings..50% of it was the one she said infinite number of times that its for me when I deliver baby.It was kept with me at that time because she told me to get it polished..
    Even if she would have given me that at baby birth,it would have still been less than co sis and half of SIL..So it was unfair and unequal then too..

    Can't a bride can ever say the wedding jewellery from groom's side as her own?And from the day of wedding,she said and acknowledged that whatever they gave was much less than co sis and SIL and she would atlas try to bring me at par with co sis by gifting the rest 50% at the time of my baby birth.She used to show those items so many times to me and co sis too..
    Its not that I am eyeing those things.I might not be able to wear them ever again.I haven't worn anything given from their side after this episode.But I feel hurt because of the greed and her biases even when we are doing so much for SIL.
    I told her that she is free to give her things to anyone but atlas say it honestly.But she still said-"no,its for you.but I'll give you at opportune time"..

    And shamelessly,she accepted the jewellery gifted to her and her whole family by my parents when my DD was born..Even on our wedding,she,her all 3 kids,even my co sis were given jewellery by my parents and she never even mentions that-they all wear it..
    So,you see,if she wanted her stuff back(which is so cheap because she gave it in front of hundreds of people and took it in private),she should have returned what had been given to her..
    She was also gifted a silver dinner set and other silver items by my mom.She has kept that also in her and SIL's locker.. All those things and my jewellery will all go to SIL and her daughter I know..Because there is no opportune time as a child's birth in a female's life..
     
  8. meVaidehi

    meVaidehi Platinum IL'ite

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    Who bought the jewellery?
    If it's a gift from them, you might consider letting them keep it but not on pretext of holding it till whatever time they think is right. In that case just tell her to its yours keep it I don't need it back up get myself if I want
    If it's yours get it back. Tell her about some occasion coming up and ask her for the jewellery. Say you know what I'm bored wearing same few things when you have more. Say with a smile "my family, friends, your friends were saying any don't you wear the other one you have? Its so pretty I've seen it last time"
    Its your jewellery you don't need to feel bad taking it back. Broach the subject in front of her relatives of possible. Once she says okay keep on gently reminding like why don't we go get my jewellery this weekend or now that you are going there went don't you bring back my jewellery on the way home?
    Nothing is enough for these people. And you don't have to let it go. You work hard to earn the money. So even if you can buy much more, doesn't give them right to keep yours.
     
  9. sweetestshweta

    sweetestshweta Gold IL'ite

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    My co sis says I should demand it all back because this means that she'll do whatever she wants,hurt me and then be all lovey dove again..
    At that time when I was so hurt,I told my DH that I never ever want anything from her again.He said-"ok..As you wish"..And I have refused her for everything after that.Even the money/gifts she GENEROUSLY wants to gift my DD..
    I also told that I will not take anything from their ancestral property too(because in that too-I got to know that she is planning to keep 4 shares-one for BIL,SIL and DH each and one for herself which eventually she will give to SIL's kids.If she chooses to be unfair to us everywhere,it should be out in the open.As a mother,she should be fair.She can give it to anyone she wants but atleast she should be honest about it.
    On the face,she'll say she wants everyone to have equal but when the time comes,she gives/makes her sons give to SIL..

    But my co sis says,I should never ever say that to her(that I don't need any share in property too) because that will give her an excuse to give it all to SIL..
    I am confused.DH also never makes himself clear to me..
     
  10. meVaidehi

    meVaidehi Platinum IL'ite

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    Your Co sis is right about the property. She'll be able to put it on you and carry out her cunning plan.
    She'll say oh I so wanted to divide it equally but since you rejected I'll have to give it to my daughter.
    If she is going to do it anyway, let her show her true colors.
     

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