co sis ,bil , inlaws manipulative..advice plz

Dear OP,
If its for a few days visit, keep your head low. Do your thing, don't feel you have to reply to every taunt. Mirror the co sis behavior. Don't take anything to heart. Also keep yourself occupied with other things, like visits to friends,family, trips to temples etc. Come back without openly confronting anyone.
If your chaacha chachi are close to you, they might be treating your co sis & Bil nicely for you sake. Let your chaacha chachi know that they are mean to you, they will stop telling you about co-sis visits. If they don't, then you have to take it with a pinch of salt and let go.
Happy Haolidays

 

Just ignore her and you show her that you are very very happy in your own world with your hubby. No need to confront. No need to acknowledge her presence also.
This will just put her in her place. Don't bother about what they do with your relatives. You be happy in their company and just avoid interaction with BIL/Co-sis except for what is needed. Make your ignoring/avoiding her obvious. Be bold.

 

Alas, the only people we can demand loyalty from is our parents, that too if we have a good equation with them. Not even siblings can be asked to shun someone, every one have their own friendships, relationships.

We just have to ignore and not show that this troubles us. Other than that agree with katsb 100%

 

Create a distraction when you first meet her, ask someone (not your husband) to call your name or feign a headache or ask your husband to go first and you will join him later after some urgent work in the market. Avoid such dramatic welcome by any means. Then ignoring will be easier, also its easier for your co-sis to tarnish your image as she is physically present in the house. No co -sis will speak good about other co-sis, just take it in your stride. Be polite to all others.

 

Priya, If you are happy and not grumpy, I don't think any will bother. Being polite and cold is quite different from being pally and lovey dovey. If you are not picking any fight or creating any scene why will anyone bother? If they still question, make some excuse that you are not well or something. IMHO, you can either stay away from those who hurt you and be happy or do things you dont want for people you don't like and be miserable. If you are worried about your image, go ahead and be goody to her. The choice is yours. Anyway you dont even stay here and meet these relatives rarely, so why bother what they think about you? These relatives are mostly the kind, to whom if you give a gift or throw a party, their loyalty will be towards you. So yes, no point fretting about relatives.

 

I feel sad for you. I have the same kind of co-sis, fake and buttering ALL the time, only to my PILs and their relatives and to me in front of my PILs. Behind their back, she is mean and crappy to me even though I am the elder DIL. I very well understand your feelings. But for my happiness, I now live separately with my hubby. Thankfully I have a very supportive hubby. I confided in him and always showed him the truth even if it meant exposing my vulnerabilities to him. This worked for me in the long run.
My advise to you is, whenever you settle down in India, prep your hubby for it from now only and make sure you stay separate. Either because of job or kids or any other reason. I know it is a tough task, but it will happen if you keep trying.

I used to think that I would probably never be able to get out of that hellhole, but at last it happened.