when FIL says this...

No, my FIL hardly speaks to me. No, don't retaliate in words. Just avoid him and don't give him an opportunity to talk. If he is reasonable, do as he says. If not, just don't do it. Let him bad mouth. Inform you DH about everything and let him handle it. Just avoid him as much as possible. If he calls out for you, make sure your DH is with you. If not, just tell him, can we talk later.

 

It is extremely unusual for FIl to get involved in the DIL matters usually it is considered the domain of the MIL. FIL is usually a remote figure, vaguely benevolent, passing on his orders through others like MIL and h.
Before you react, study the situation a bit firther. Is he like this with evryone or jus you. How is your relation with your MIL. Does she remain silent when he says all this, does she chime in support of him or in support of you?
I fee he is getting some false info about you. It could be your MIL is feeding him stories and making him say all this to you while she remains good in your view. Or someone in his friend's circle has a bad dil experience and he is taking preemptive steps with you to prevent the same situation. . So keep quiet for some more time but observe him closely and enquire to find out where and how he is being fed all this false info about you. After you find out you will be in a better position deal with the situation.

 

Hmmm, this sounds very rude, let alone FIL, if anybody has to say to me that 'I will make you allright', 'i will have to discipline you'...


My FIL, also interferes sometimes but he rules and all applies to general discipline so that my son can learn (though I find them very strict and useless)

He comments sometimes on food, but then he shows that as his needs , it sounds authotitative and I do not like it, i'd rather have him tell me in a little softer voice...

like "if you make moong, i can't do without a subji on the side, you have to have it"

rather if he says "I'd like subji on side if you make moong, that'd be nice" would be better sentence.

So coming to your FIL....


1) Does he talk to like this with everybody?
2) Does your DH knows he talks to you like this and does DH is aware you do not like it ? If not, make him aware sweetly, if he is ask him to take actions
3) If your FIL keeps saying, you can add nicely jokingly, yeah while you plan on disciplining me, think of a plan on how to talk nicely and politely (without mentioning it is for him)


You should not take this BS from anybody, you are an adult individual, and if we need to adjust under one roof, it should be discussed maturely and apply with mutual expectations.

 

just say yeah yeah... and go abt your stuff...... have seen FIL,MIL,Grand MIL do that... am just like ok all done all set... thn just do what i want to do.... mostly my face says it all... like the oh yeah face....

 

Nope! No one has the right to talk to any other person so disrespectfully. From your previous posts I understand that you don't live wih your PIL and your husband is quite understanding and supportive of you and against this abuse.

Remember you aren't about to change your uncouth FIL. Refuse to have anything to do with him. Don't be in his presence. Refuse to talk except the very mandatory happy diwali or merry Christmas or happy new year. Then pass the phone on or leave the place. If he badmouths or complains, don't react at all. You be nice and cheerful and polite with all relatives on both sides of the family. They will figure out in time, if the haven't already have, that your FIL is the nutcase here. (I've seen some grumpy idiots like this among family and friends. Believe me, my parents, relatives and friends usually call the person doing the badmouthing a cranky git than blame the victim of their abuse)

 

My FIL did not speak directly like this but he implied it that now I am under his regime and he has authority over me, I heard from an ear and took it out from the other and I did and still do what I have to do! Direct confrontation should be avoided for as long as you can but if it over the top speak up. I did avoid for some time and then spoke up, he did not like it but hey I also dont like when he speaks!

 

OP...fils from decent homes don't talk like that.

These kind of men either grow up bossing over women or getting bossed up by some woman....and then they take it out on the most helpless of women.

Like guesshoo says...avoid him.
If you speak to him on phone...keep speaker on and let husband hear. If he calls when husband is not around...either don't take the call or record.

Let husband know you are disturbed by this indecent behavior and want it to stop.If you visit them.....tell husband to be around you all the time. Try not to let them visit.

If they object to you cutting him out...tell them you are not used to men behaving in this manner with women ......and don't want to be uncomfortable.

Don't take s*** from him because it will just encourage him more.


My fil had this habit of ordering rudely in front of guests ...specially in our home....to make it look like he is the boss(he has a reputation for being henpecked).I just ignored him and served the guest the way I wanted...not the way he wanted.Now he doesn't dare.

 

It's not worth saying anything for, just keep quiet and go about your business. Do as you wish. Let them think they are in control but you know who is in control really.

 

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