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Should we call of the function-Pls help

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Vedhavalli, Nov 28, 2014.

  1. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi frnds,

    We fixed daughter's mottai and earboring function on monday in a kuladeviam temple. (same city)

    Now a my MIL's sister's husband expired, who was hospitalized.
    My MIL is a typical south indian one, who bosses around.
    And the date was fixed by me and myDH.
    Now MIL is accusing us, we dint discuss date with any one.
    My parents made all arrangements and bought gifts for my DD. DD is 9 months old.
    DD has long hair, so frequent cold, doctors suggested to remove hair.

    Should we call off the function?
    We are tamil - south indian.
    Please suggest , should we call off the function or not.
     
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  2. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    I would have postponed it. Grief and mourning are not a time to think of how she behaves other wise. Keep it a little later when convenient to you .

    Long hair doesn't cause cold.Keep her hair tied if it is too long. Avoid other people with cold.
    Best Wishes to your little princess.

    P.S...I am not a South Indian...so do not know what traditions dictate.
     
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  3. meVaidehi

    meVaidehi Platinum IL'ite

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    I have no idea about customs in any specific religion or family so my reply is totally unrelated to that part no offense intended.
    How close were you all and mil with her sister's family? If they were close or even otherwise it would not be a good time to celebrate.
    I do understand the wastage of preparation and time but seriously if people are grieving they won't participate whole heartedly. It's no fun for anyone. Why don't you ask parents to hold on to the gifts for a while and inform whoever necessary of the reason for the delay. Most involved would understand and won't create much issues.
    You've been talking care of dd's health with hair so long try to continue until you find another suitable date.
    Don't think this will satisfy mil's ego or you are doing it because of her nagging. It's probably the right thing to do in this scenario.
    Reschedule and have fun with your dd and family.
     
  4. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    MIL's sister's husband is a different clan.
    This sister of MIL never attend any function of us, right from my engagement to name ceremony of DD. She lives in the first floor of MIL house. Too domineering, interfering sisters, they literally sacked us out of house. And daily tantrums,..They never let us happy no privacy, i took all these for 9 months.
    After a big fight we moved to differ house. Then DD was born. MIL never talks to us. But gets money. We are married for 3years.
    Should i postpone when we don't have any contact. Still at office...
    The thing is we booked a hall, they wont give back the advance worth 25K.
    People say we can do function, because its MIL's sister's husband, if FIL's brother means should postpone.
    I dont know what to..DH takes decision..
    MIL definitely ask us to postpone - she wont spend a penny. Yesterday she blamed for return gift pattern. FIL's sisters says we can do function. (They don't like my MIL, thinks MIL separated their bro. After our wedding sisters talk with FIL - almost for 20 yrs they dint talk)
    meVaidehi

    : Even if we do later say a month, MIL and her side family wont be happy. They never like when i'm happy. they will find only faults. Of all these 9 months, FIL and MIL visited only my DD once, that too in hospital. Never called DD or me for Diwali or Varalakshmi vratham.. or any occasion. Its a custom to take me and DD after dd's 3rd or 5th month. They never called us home.
    What to do :bang.
     
  5. anushka9

    anushka9 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi OP,

    I would suggest u to hold on.Its a tragic phase for ur IL's family.I completely understand that ur parents have already arranged it all but this is not the right time for function because doing it right now will cause problems for u only & of course u will never want that ur DD's function should become a issue for fights later on.Plus whatever relation u share with ur MIL, death is something where we cant bring our egos and family problems.Better postpone it so that everyone in both the families gives blessings to ur DD from heart & for u also it should be funfilled moment ! God bless ur DD
     
  6. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    I'm quite new to the forum. Please excuse me, if do something wrong.
    Thanks for quick replies..feeling relieved.
    They wont let us do the function, because MIL's sister cant attend any occasion for next 1 year. MIL is very fond of her sisters.
    DD hair gets wet with sweat. My parents take care of DD. Very confused..you guys can see from my posts...Witsend
     
  7. Jhilmill

    Jhilmill Silver IL'ite

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    Chill...1.Being a girl you are part of that family so their sorrow is your sorrow.:)

    2. But yes remember if your father's sister husband dies they will still keep any funtion socially , ethically, morally no one can question.

    3. The ball is not in your court its best you pass it to your husband and wait for him to decide and if you want to remain married worship your husband.
    or diplomatically saying give in to win bigger battles

    VS

    If people saying you can keep function then do as people say. Ask your husband what he feels or deal it yourself ...show sympathy to mil and her sister but don't let that affect the happiness of people that really matter to you. Keep the function and tell guest mil couldn't join coz of so n so reason ...don't give any unwanted attention.

    Choose...your life, your choices
     
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  8. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    JhillMill : Thank you for throwing light...you are so right on point no 2.
    DH says we can do function, if MIL doesnt attend people would think we wantedly did.
    I think i have to be diplomatic - else MIL will talk even after my DD's wedding.
    MIL would make a big fuss.
    People gather to meet create misunderstandings.Let's see....
    How to not to give unwanted attention. ...:bonkyet to learn
     
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  9. Metamorphic

    Metamorphic Platinum IL'ite

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    The problem here is about the celebration not about the hair.

    So, go ahead with your DD's tonsure ceremony. But keep it a low-key event. Finish it off with just the family members without much hungama.
     
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  10. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    Metamorphic : Thats what i too want to do, Low key affair. MIL wont listen...for every simple thing, she would call all her 3 sisters and 1 bro and their kids (all are above 20, few married too).
    , MIL actually wants a big fight, i never fought openly. We have cold wars..
    I want to go for tonsure..if not ear boring. Afraid to go out of office.
    MIL will
    Blame me..like anything. Afraid to see her.
     

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