If PIL did,it is Help. If DIL did, it is duty in view of DH

Girl, believe me, you dont want your PILs in your house. Duty or no duty - take it as a good thing that your DH is not making them stay with you people.
Have you seen how most of the problems in this forum are related to PILs staying in the same house? Take the offer from your husband and run in the opposite direction I say.

As for child care, its always better to look for a day care than depend on anyone else to look after the kid.

 

Never do things with expectation. Just think you did service to elders. thats all. and surely you will get satisfaction then. Service will lead to a smile, expectations will lead to pain.

 

Issue here is with your h. Actually he doesnt want you to work. He is just giving example of PIL not helping to make you rethink so stop getting angry at your PILs. Like this he will give many examples to make you change your mind. One day 'PIL will not help', next day 'baby will get sick', next day, 'what happened to your mother instinct' etc, etc. It will take some time for him to slowly come around. So forget about PIL and your duties and think how to solve this problem. Can your parents help you for an year or so till baby is old enough to go to daycare?

 

Let them be. Better that they not stay with you unwillingly, and create problems in your married life. Do you really want them commenting on how you raise your kids, correcting you every time, interfering with your methods of child - rearing, and domestic chores?

I know it hurts when you have done all you could for them, and they refuse to help. But that is their decision. Don't help them out so much in the future, at your expense. Always put yourself first.

It is far more convenient to get a day care. If you are concerned about your child's safety, then get a nanny and install a camera in your house, to make sure she is taking proper care.

 

Reesha,
You did your duty towards your PILs when they were in the hospital for a few days.

Thats good of you !

But, expecting your inlaws to raise your baby for several years (however observant caretakers) - that is NOT DUTY that is SACRIFICE (I wont even call it HELP) - they have raised children and lived their life - they want to do whatever they want to do now - if you wanted someone else to raise YOUR child, you should have asked them about it BEFORE bringing the child into the world.

And you are not even talking about a few days or months, you are talking about their lifetimes !!!

Ok, think of this - Someone among your friends or relatives would have taken care of you when your baby was born - they ran around the hospital, cooked food for you and took leave from office etc... What if they gave you THEIR BABY and asked you to be an observant caretaker!!! Can you imagine putting your life on hold, not doing what you wanted to do for days, months and years ????

It is another matter to have them as a backup plan or maybe sometimes when they have the energy or nothing else to do - but if they are active and have their own lives, you want to stop their lives and push your duties, preferences and priorities on them ???

Taking care of someone when in hospital and looking after a child that is not your own - different things!!!

It is your DH who's telling you their limitations, so it is possible that your DH doesnt want you to work - so discuss that further, think about other options - day care ?? parents ?? work from home ?? creche at office ?? alternate shifts for you and DH??

Baby is YOUR responsibility - you and DH should be primary caretakers !

 

Even I feel that.. why do you want them to come and stay along with you. And that too in the time of raising a child... These MILs usually would comment and command the way you do for your child... Maintain them at a distance and aviod unwanted chaos...

 

OP:
I'm not sure why you had a baby you seem to have no wish to attend to in it's young life, but once you made that decision, you no longer get to do what you want, when you want, how you want anymore. I am going to shut up now before I get myself in a lot of trouble.