Cinderella retold by a married princess

After seeing all these threads on IL/DH problems here, I thought of writing this article.


First of all, I would like to say, no offense to any of the nice, loving, decent ILs.
I am sure there are many of you out there.

I write this piece with the sole intention of giving struggling girls (like me - who enter marriage, expecting a rosy life), and those of us yet to tie the knot, a fair picture of married life. I hope to make a small contribution in making women like me learn not to take ourselves, and our problems too seriously.

Apologies if I offend any women who are going through far greater issues than me in their marriage. No intention to trivialize your issues.

Apologies if I offend any MILs reading this. No intention to vilify you.
Just hope to show you how our whole world changes after marriage.

Of course, married life is great. No doubts.
But no use having any false expectations.

This piece is written to be taken in a light spirit (the first half).
If you do not understand me, please ignore me.

No further dilly-dallying. I will come straight to the point.


We girls grow up reading such fairytale romances like Cinderella.
We go through life searching for our Prince Charming.
Our endless search yields result at last.
We find our own Prince Charming.
The whole world seems so much more beautiful.
Then we get married, expecting our own happily ever after.
Only to be jolted back to reality!!!

We find ourselves not the delicate, little princess that we imagined living in huge castle, with every imaginable luxury, with servants to attend to every whim and fancy.
No.

Instead, the poor princess finds herself face to face with a fire-breathing dragon (enter MIL).
Where is Prince Charming? Why has he forsaken me in my hour of need?
She wonders.
She calls out to him.
But he is nowhere to be found.
Prince Charming suddenly seems not so charming.
The poor princess is trapped, with no fairy god mother to come to her rescue.
What does the princess do in this situation?
Simple. She must confront the dragon herself.
How? First, she has to stop being afraid of it.


On a more serious note, most of us DILs, who face issues with ILs, have a problem defining boundaries.

We are too scared of them. Why?
We continue to have issues with our MILs, because we are too scared to confront them.

Of course, I do not believe that all MILs are fire-breathing dragons.
They are peolpe like us too. Just that we, the scared DILs, see them that way.
Why do I make them dragons in this story?
Because I want girls to realize how unreasonable their fear of ILs is.
Not because I derive fun from making ILs seem ridiculous. I would never do that.
I am against disrespecting ILs in any way.
I respect my ILs even after some issues we have had in the past.
Only that I refuse to be intimidated into submission now.

We are too scared of saying no.
We mull too much on consequences of saying no, even to the most unreasonable of their demands.
The effect, they continue taking us for granted, thinking we are okay with every thing they suggest.
Even when we are inwardly simmering with discontent.

Then, after a long time of being taken for granted, when a DIL protests, of course the ILs don't understand her.
She was okay with every thing all this time, suddenly, she talks back.
Of course they find it rude, when they are being used to treated with the utmost deference and obedience.
Even the smallest, most reasonable refusal can seem to be impudence.

Ladies, it is all upto us to control our own lives.
No reason to be scared of our ILs/DH or any one else.
I feel this one thing lies at the heart of many of our marital problems - fear of ILs.
What will they think? What will they say? How will they feel?
How about each one of us?
What do we think? What do we say? How do we feel?

We women should always, always respect our ILs.
Treat them the same way that we want DH to treat our darling parents.
But not to the extent that we have no freedom, and are continually full of resentment towards them.
PIL - DIL relationship is too important to be given up on, and forms the foundation of a happy marriage.

Pardon me, if I sound too preachy.
These are my thoughts, and any one is free to disagree with me.

I believe each one of us women is a princess, and can continue being one, even after marriage.

 

desichica,

Thank you.

Agree with you that protest should be made after analyzing the gravity of the situation. We should let the little things slide. Otherwise, there can be no relationship.

 

cutemonster,

It seems we are saying the same things in different words.

I believe that girls should be independent. That is why the Prince Charming disappeared when the Princess was faced with a dragon. In real life, it means wife should be able to stand up to unreasonable demands of MIL (emotional independence).

I too feel that emotional and financial independence are both needed in a marriage. Emotional independence comes with financial independence.

I believe that girls should know before marrying someone that their PCs will not always be at hand to dispel all their problems.

If girls recognize this fact, their own independence, then slowly guys will start understanding it too.

 

gauridinesh,

Same is true for my relationship with MIL too. First, I was scared of her, and expected DH to intervene. But when I realized that would not happen, I stood up to her myself. Now, things are getting better.

Thank you.

 

Alildream,

Thank you!!

Well said Alildream! All those ladies who help us out in our times of distress are truly fairy godmothers to the rest of us. I have enjoyed support from ladies here when I had some problems initially. This is a great platform and all of us ladies here are really lucky to have each other.