Not able to move on

Saw a thread about sharing bedroom with ils because of A/C the other day and that sent all my memories and pent up emotions gushing forth making me vent it out here.

There are three bedrooms in my housing and two of them are fitted with A/C. One of them is our bedroom and the other one has to be reserved for my Ils, even when they are not here. The third one is used for any guests including my parents. During my pregnancy my ils were not there for more than a year still my parents used the third room only.

But at the time of my DDs birth it was the pick of summer. My ILs came and started using ‘their’ room. My mil would not even sit in the living room n just say ‘Oh its too hot, am off to a/c’ in front of my parents and would go and lock their room from inside knowing fully well that my parents don’t have any a/c room to be off to. We could not share our bedroom with parents much because of two infants and all their things scattered around and me being a c-sec patient. It was never ever considered an option that ils could share their bedroom with my parents. We could not dare to even propose such an idea considering my mil’s attitude towards them. In fact the fact that parents were suffering was never even an issue for them. My dh tried to get a 2[SUP]nd[/SUP] hand A/C for the third room and as some people came for that purpose my mil was audibly voicing her irritation over the disturbances these people were making by talking and all. Once I tried to fit the living room cooler in their room at night only to hear from mil that fil could not watch tv in the living room because of that. So ultimately nothing could be done and my parents continued to sleep without A/C until they were finally packed and sent off.

After one year at the time of my dds’ birthday when my ils came, my parents were not there as we cannot invite them in presence of my ils. The A/C of my ils room stopped working suddenly and my mil and fil took it absolutely for granted that we will share our bedroom with them. They didn’t even ask if we wanted to and just ‘told’ dh to arrange for an extra bedding in our room and we had to do it. They shared bedroom with us in our presence and absence till their A/C was repaired. Nothing could be said to them. When it was repaired and they moved back to their room I could not control myself and mentioned that ‘yes it is very difficult to be without A/C in this summer, my parents had to do it though’. For this she did not look at my direction for two days and gave silent treatment to me for a week and told my dh that she is ‘depressed’ and feels like going missing.

I know its been long and I should move on. But am simply not able to. Its not my parents discomfort that pains me, its the utter disrespect with which ils treated them and the sheer confidence with which they refuse to have an iota of realization as to what they did is what pains me the most. Till today ils claim it was my parents who were at fault for 'interfering' their household conveniently forgetting the fact that they were here because ils were NOT here. When i think of the sheer wrong they did and are still doing and how helpless i am in face of that wrong i feel my head in fire, my limbs shake and feel a complete nervous breakdown to the extent that i feel too tired from within to even attend to the needs of my dds.

 

I know what you mean. But believe me, in our house, it was considered impossible to say or do anything not likable to pils. They would like a room to their own even in their absence as their stuff are there. Even when the house i mention is mine (its official housing allotted to me by my employer)

During their absence we made a small place for God and kept it in our bedroom as i was pregnant and very disturbed and felt it would be soothing for me to see god every night and morning. Even that caused problem when they returned and mil demanded the Puja place has to be moved to her room. And dh had to agree. Though after that there were a lot of problems and finally we did not. So now she has made another bigger puja place in her room and clearly mentions that as 'her' puja thing. She is not at all ready to share anything with anyone it seems.

 

Second birthday has already happened dear. And dh did plan to have it in my parents place. With that there was a HHHUUUUGGGEEE problem with my mil calling my dh a 'gharjamai' and giving curse and taking oath that if we do that then she will not see her son's face for the rest of her life and he should not give fire to her pire after her death and what not. Result: second birthday celebration was almost called off by a frustrated dh and also myself with minimum ritual at home and without any guests whatsoever.

I baked a cake for my dds and we took them to temple. That's all. Till today ils complain that we deprived them of their wish to celebrate their own grand dds birthday because of 'outsiders'.

 

You know what YM, i would have ignored her comments but the thing was she said all these things within my parents earshot. They heard all these and many more things like they are destroying mil's kitchen utensils, interfering in her house hold matters etc. All they have heard. I could not hide my face in shame in front of them when they had to face such insult in their dd's own house where they had come to serve their dd only. i just can't forget the burning of that feeling.