Was this disrespect by in-laws?

persecutedDIL · Oct 29, 2014

Recently, in my husband's absence (husband out of town), my BIL came to pick up his parents (i.e my in-laws) from my place and sat in the car below and did not come upstairs to my flat. I came down to see off my in-laws and he still sat in the car looking at his mobile until I knocked on his car window.
1.) What are your thoughts ? Don't you think this is quite disrespectful to me ? I asked my PILs to ask him but they didn't, it seems.

2.) Should I go to his place ? If so, why ? I don't wish to go, not because am revenge-seeking or I want to do 'tit for tat' but because I find his behaviour depressing. Before marriage, I was not used to people showing utter disrespect to me so openly. How to convince my husband that I feel too depressed going to his brother's place ?

armummy · Oct 29, 2014

Edited my post after I read Op's edits.

you could have asked him then and there why he did not come up and put him in spot .

is he in talking terms with you , does he behave well with you? If this is one off issue , Then ignore otherwise you are free to follow protocol.

Person staying in the car while picking someone up is quote common, could be because of rush or tiredness but usually host will ask or guest will tell the reason when they see other.

He might also be thinking that she saw me but did not invite me to the flat .

desichica · Oct 29, 2014

I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. Next time you see him, just say hello and offer him to come in your home.(Unless you two had a direct argument). Most likely, he wont because he is just picking up parents. This will avoid this kind of situation. Not every person in this world is friendly. Your BIL might be one of those people.

kanthtx · Oct 29, 2014

it might have been a temporary issue that he might be going thru.. like a fight with ur brother, or his parents or his gf.. or something else..

if he doesnt respect u regularly, yaa that u shud discuss with ur H... but if it is just one off let it go...

every one has bad days, that they cant share with every one...

Anamika99 · Oct 29, 2014

not coming up to your flat upstairs is understandable but if you went to see off ur in-laws and he did not even say hello is lack of mannerism by any standardas, even cab driver would say hello.

If he was busy taking care of something he cld look to you and say hi with eyes.

But should u make a big deal? I do not think so.
If u do not feel like going then tell ur DH the clearly that u do not feel welcome due to such things though u do not want to create scene out of it.

peartree · Oct 29, 2014

Maybe he was in a hurry and did not just notice you until you knocked on the window...?

Ragini25 · Oct 29, 2014

A marriage will have many issues, this is very minor, dont blow it up into bigger issue

Metamorphic · Oct 29, 2014

People around you behave in different manner with you at different times. You cannot and shouldn't expect them to behave in such and such manner. Remember, their behaviour is their choice. Your only job is to not let that behaviour affect you.

Denni · Oct 29, 2014

Maybe he was answering some important calls and didn't notice you. Its not an issue at all. I have back stabbing relatives roaming around me all the time and I don't care at all about their existence .....so don't waste your time thinking about unworthy issues. Your BIL didn't say hi.....and that's about it.

Don't take it personally....

guesshoo · Oct 29, 2014

It sounds like lack of manners and lack of consideration to me. In your place I would just shake my head incredulously and mutter "some people!" before putting the incident out of my head.

Visiting him is a totally different ballgame, IMO. It depends on the relationship you share with him; if he is always the thoughtless, inconsiderate sort, I wouldn't want to go regardless of whether he looks up from inside the car or not.