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sweet MIL situation.need advise.

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by friendlygirl, Oct 25, 2014.

  1. friendlygirl

    friendlygirl Silver IL'ite

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    Let me start by saying this, my mil is nice lady. But she can be stubborn about some things which really bothers me.

    They have come to stay with us for 4 months. My husband has cholesterol problem and their family has a history of cholesterol abd heart related problems. She loves making rich sweets at home. I have requested her several times to not bring too many of it since we cannot eat it due to health reasons. She says yes but she continues to do so by giving stupid reasons..if it is at home my husband eats it..even if he resists she puts it on his plate. These are not small quantities abd they drip of ghee and ofcourse they will be tasty.

    She says we can give it to friends etc..knowing fully well that we cannot do that immediately ..
    Before we meet friends and give it to them , the damage is already done.

    I know this is a silly problem, but it bothers me that she sheet respect my wish which is impacting her sons health. It also bothers me that it bothers me.

    My husband has tried to tell her, didn't work, my dh also assured that he will be watchful but I know how it goes.

    I don't want to fight or argue..
    Do I.let this go or is there a good way to.handle this?
    Afterall it is my husbands health..I know he should be the one who should be responsible but he acnnot say no.when it.is.put.on his.plate..

    Advise ladies.
     
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2014
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  2. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    That is a quotable quote. I am going to use it sometime.

    You know the answer - your husband can say no and should be the one to say no.
     
  3. Sammy87

    Sammy87 New IL'ite

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    Hi,

    I understand how it feels. But I saw my mother had this same situation my my father and my grand mother. She played this trick, hope this works for you. All you have to do to share some fake stories of your friends husband suffering heart stroke due to cholesterol and share the kids of them who are facing problems with sick father. or show some pictures of people suffering with the same problem and try to explain her the effects of it in future. If she listens to you you can try telling her directly otherwise you have to cook up a fake story but make sure you let her know your fears. At the end she is mother for him, she will definitely make sure.

    And one more thing is, specially with MIL they have this instinct in their mind about DIL's, when DIL is saying NO, that is always YES for her. So next time try acting opposite, lets praise for her culinary skills and ask her to make more and you also start enjoying the taste sitting with your H. If the first tip is not working, this will definitely work.

    All the Best !! :)

    Love,
    Sam
     
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  4. Metamorphic

    Metamorphic Platinum IL'ite

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    So let him take care.

    You cannot keep blaming everybody who offers Cholesterol rich foods to him. That is not the solution.

    May be, thats her expression of love too. If he stops eating. She might stop preparing.
     
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  5. CrayoNess

    CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

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    I assume that your DH is an adult so then it is also his responsibility to take care of his health. If he choose to eat unhealthy that is his choice.
     
  6. pear

    pear Gold IL'ite

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    Your H should say "no" and thats the only solution.If you do that job you may end up looking like a control freak DIL or as a acting screen bet Son&mom.Ask your H to check his cholesterol to stop his happy munching .Dont under estimate your H,he could be the one to have ordered all his favorite sweets without your knowledge.The Hs also do make use of the DIL-MIL equation to thier advantage.
     
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  7. anmolhai

    anmolhai Platinum IL'ite

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    Since she is visiting and you must be the one doing grocery....stop bringing the ingredients. If she is bringing it from India....distribute it among friends asap or put it in the freezer till you give it away.
     
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  8. tashidelek2002

    tashidelek2002 IL Hall of Fame

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    Why don't you ask her to help you (since she makes such nice sweets) to make the sweets that the doctor will approve of as he likes her sweets when she is there. Let her know that he needs the ones that are low on ghee/oil like carrot halwa. Can she figure out other ones that he can eat?

    OP: I personally don't believe all the flap about ghee being bad although it is high in calories. But you should follow what you need to for your family's health.
     
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  9. friendlygirl

    friendlygirl Silver IL'ite

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    Hi all

    Thanks for your replies.
    Yes I know that it is my husband who needs to be responsible..but you all know how they can never say no.

    But my husband had a good conversation with them and told them that it is important that they don't force him to eat these sweets. They agreed..only to feed him ladoo in half hour again before he could process the info. My husband could have been angry but he didn't want to be abd just told them " I give up" .. the problem is you don't want to make this ugly...he could spit the whole thing, shouted angrily..but it was not worth it since they will do this again.

    So I committed for a social event tomorrow and am planning on giving this to many of my friends..told my mil that "the sweets are sooo nice that I want to show off"..and couldn't say no.

    I also asked my husband to double his workout if he eats more of these unhealthy stuff during their stay here.
     
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  10. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    I agree with the other posters here.
    Your DH has to set the limits on what he eats. If you try to control it, your MIL will likely take offense and you will become the bad guy. Many people equate food with love and appreciation. It is hard to change your MIL's way of cooking overnight.
    In your case, since your in-laws are just visiting, it is easier to handle. He can take a small portion of any rich food that is prepared, and you can pack away the rest. Just compensate with more activity.
    My MIL cooks wonderful food that would send a cardiologist into a blind panic: tons of butter, cheese, oil and meats. My husband grew up eating this food. His family is in good health since they have a lot of physical activity.
    Once my DH moved here, he knew something would have to change as the lifestyle is not as strenuous.He has drastically changed his eating patterns and is very calorie conscious.
    When my MIL visits, he asks her to cook smaller portions and will take small bites so she does not feel bad. He does increase his workouts if she is staying for long. When he visits his parents he eats without a fuss though since it is only for a coupe of weeks, and food is a big part of their culture.
    The compromise may be to have small portions and increased exercise.
     
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