cunning parents-in-law went to my relatives' house and bad-mouthed me

Hello,
I have been married for a few years and my parents-in-law keep trying to create problems and bullying. (My FIL is so crude that he even told me once that he will hit me and 'straighten me out'.) They have complained about me to my parents and to my brother also that I 'dont listen to them and dont do what they tell me to'. So I had a confrontation with them, after which they were behaving themselves for some time. Behaving themselves= they are mean to me wherever they can be, but they stopped trying to bully me.

I have been civil in my interactions with them, and when they come to live with us for some time I look after them well and do all the housework and cooking (my MIL is very lazy and does nothing, even in their house my FIL does the housework and MIL lazes). I dont think its fair that I alone do all the work, still I do it as I want to maintain the peace and move on.

Since last few months they are again cooking mischief. They have really unreasonable expectations such as they want a joint family now ie, to live with me and my husband now. (My parents-in-law did not live in a joint family with their parents, nor is their daughter (my SIL) living in a joint family with her parents-in-law). Yet they want to creep into my home and live permanently with us.

My husband said no to them gently, so they are damn mad at me for that. They are set on revenge on me now. They had already bad-mouthed me to my parents and bro's family. Now they have bad-mouthed me to their intimate relatives (such as daughter, son-in-law)....then to extended family....such as their brothers, sisters etc...then to distant relatives such as their cousins, daughter's inlaws etc...

I am unable to control this as they dont do it in front of me, but I get to know about it later from others. Also, they make mean comments to other people in front of me such as 'you are so lucky you have a good DIL' etc....

I really didnt want to get into their mean business and have fights as I would rather lead a good life and look at good things in life.

However, now they have crossed all limits, as of late they have gone to my ancestral home and my cousins home's etc and bad-mouthed me there. Actually my PILs actually dont really know all these people, but these vicious PILs just went to their homes, introduced themselves as my PILs and sat there talking for hours and kept slipping in mean nuggets about me into the conversation. I got to know this from my cousins (cousins told me indirectly.)

I am really pissed about this back-stabbing that they are doing. These PILs are really cunning and attack wherever they can. They have destroyed relations for me from their side of family, but this strategizing and seeking out my relatives one-by-one and wrecking wherever they can for me....I really hate these unscrupulous, cunning, mean, attacking, vengeful PILs.

I can confront them about this,but they will flatly deny they said anything and I cannot prove they did all this. Also, is confronting them really helping anything? I dont think so. I would like to arrive at a solution.

Also, what pisses me most is that after all these vicious episodes with me, the moment they need help, fall ill they will simply come to our house and stay and expect to be taken care of !!!! They will be the old people that we cannot desert.

My husband understands that their behaviour towards me is very bad, but now if he questions them then that will also be a huge issue that I taught their son to oppose them.

I hope someone has some good suggestions on what is the way forward. (I cant really approach my parents as my dad had multiple heart surgeries this year and my mom is dealing with looking after him).

 

INPUTS NEEDED PLZ: cunning PILs went to my relatives' house and bad-mouthed me

Thank-you friendlygirl , yellowmango and Jazmine for your replies. Its validated my feelings and given me some pointers on the way ahead.

However, I have got some confusion:
So far I survived these PILs by not reacting to their mischief. So it was not fruitful for them to do mischief as I didn’t react so far. However this bad-mouthing me to my cousins and my other relatives is really getting on my nerves and I want to put an end to it by confronting them. However, if I confront them they will discover what really bugs me,how to push my buttons, and can continue to do more of this mischief (since this is bad-mouthing me behind my back I cant really catch most such instances.)

Or is there a third option? I would love to hear more ladies with their opinions on this tricky matter. THANKS