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How to improve my reputation in my inlaws side family,in society etc?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Iamagoodgirl, Oct 1, 2014.

  1. Iamagoodgirl

    Iamagoodgirl Platinum IL'ite

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    please I needs tips on how to improve my reputation in my in laws side family ,in housing society etc.My mil sil has spread lies like I am irresponsible, I am lazy,I can't cook,I wake up late daily etc.
    My mil keeps magnifying my mistakes.Everytime she calls relatives or sil ,family friends she makes sure to tell them how tired she is because of house hold chores.Everytime I travel or tired because of some other reason and wake up late next days she calls relatives or people in society and let them know that I am still sleeping.
    She has manage to spoil my name literally everywhere!I just don't know how to tackle her and correct my reputation.
    Please give me tips.Thanks in advance.
     
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  2. sunshine1970

    sunshine1970 Gold IL'ite

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    Hey their is no point in you doing this, nothing is going to change. Just live your life the way you want. You can't control her actions or other's minds. Let people judge on their own, don't go out of your way to make people like you. When I first got married I was villan vied by MIL to anyone who would listen. Over the years as people got to know me they got confused, now they openly say to my DH why your mom say your wife is soo bad she is a really nice person. Let them judge you who cares, live your life and the rest will fall in to place.
     
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  3. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    OP....by bad mouthing you ...your mil is just showing her lack of class to these people.Don't worry ,they probably know them better than to believe them. You be pleasantly respectful to everyone. A sincere smile when you meet them or pass by them will go a long way in making your reputation shine. Smile at everyone.....kids,oldies ,everyone. Acknowledge people ,wave at them,wish them .
     
    Last edited: Oct 1, 2014
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  4. Iamagoodgirl

    Iamagoodgirl Platinum IL'ite

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    Yellow mango she has been clever enough.She never says it directly.Its like she calls a relative in the morning under some excuse when she he ask what she has been doing she tells them how much she is tired by doing household chores if they enquire about me she tells them I have been sleeping.
    Everything is subtle.I mention last time to Dh's cousin that I have gain weight and I am trying to loose it.She immediately said and I have lost weight after my sons marriage.Its like that.I don't want her topaint my negative image.
     
  5. Iamagoodgirl

    Iamagoodgirl Platinum IL'ite

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    But then till you prove it otherwise you have to pay price because people assume you are bad person.
     
  6. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    OP....people know she has just got her son married and she is now a mother in law.This is expected behavior. Has she really lost weight...if not...she is just making fool of herself.
    People are also interested because you are recently married and people are nosy.Soon someone else will get married and people will lose interest in your mil's complaints. You be pleasant to people. Wave at kids....smile at neighbors.Ask them how they are. It will not only make you popular....but also make you happy.
     
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  7. tashidelek2002

    tashidelek2002 IL Hall of Fame

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    OP: you got married into that family and with that step you are stuck with some consequences. That's just the way life works.

    Do you think that you are the only person in the universe that your MIL talks about? I am sure she talks about everyone and those who know her know her tricks. Just ignore her and act normally.....will take some time but if you are good person it will show to others. If you want a fix for tomorrow, sorry it doesn't work like that.
     
  8. Iamagoodgirl

    Iamagoodgirl Platinum IL'ite

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  9. soulhappy

    soulhappy Silver IL'ite

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    Dear OP, I would want to let you know a few things
    Inlaws have this discrimination. You cannot be their daughter...
    Plus they are insecure and even if the son is at mistake, they will blame the DIL. They think all DILs are alike and they dont understand thatbtheir son is an adult and he choses to behave the way they are.


    Especially if you dont have anyone to support you, they lacj empathy and speak whatever they want to
    For eg if someone says dental exams in this country are difficult, they immediately say medical exams are tough . Medicine is more theory and the exam is for 4 hours. Mine is 6 days continously and too much practical.
    Plus their daughters never faced domestic violence or lack of support but they will judge me that am not smart plus they will blame me for all the mistakes their family member did


    Initially i used to feel upset regarding my helplessness but now i know that defines how they are.


    If anyone speaks about you, that shows their maturity plus they dont like others to be praised-they are insecure and jealous
    Gossiping involves insecurity, jealousy and self centeredness..only people with these issues gossip.
    I just tell others if am hurt..
    Plz understand the psychology why they are like that? If they cross the limit, plz set boundaries. Since i didnt set boundaries, they walked all over the place.
    The foundation years of your marriage are important and precious. Dont let these trivial issues upset you, friend.


    In your case I feel that u our Mil is insecure and want to prove herself that she is best.
    I would suggest you to learn few kitchen tips with indusladies and provide her tips and help her to shorten her work in the kitchen.


    When she speaks about work" tell her aunty we will do work together and finish it together as soon as possible. I will help you. See she is old though she is insecure.. Tell her that your sil is your sister and we are all one family. We all need to be happy. Since you are newly married it requires a lot of patience and understanding plus empathy to manage these issues. Maturity, patience and perseverance will help you
    All the best sister


    Everything is in your hands... you can turn tables around if you are empathetic. It doesnot matter how she is with you. Plz be with her like how you will be with your mother-esp caring for her.


    Plus one thing i want to emphasis, you cannot be like how you are in your parents house. I am pampered in my parents house. I dont react the same in my inlaws house.
    Please ensure that you are not a doormat. Tell her what you feel in a firm, polite manner and be assertivr dear..
     
    Last edited: Oct 1, 2014
  10. soulhappy

    soulhappy Silver IL'ite

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    One more thing OP, all MIL try to find reasons to find fault with DILS as they have fear and insecurity as they perceive you as a threat. Its more about losing power in their household.

    Your Sil is insecure because she believes you are powerful and things will not be the same for her. She wants to feel better than you.
    All DIL s face this.
    Be good to everyone including your inlaws and dont worry.
    Think they are insecure and be nice to them. They wont feel insecure and they will accept you plus will not gossip.
    Create a healthy balanced relationship and be empathetic.

    Soon you will be a rolemodel to others
    Please be as you are and handle things with maturity. Dont succumb to this, Op
    You will win hearts....:).:)..All the best
    Show that you are interested in learning from your MIL abt cooking and do praise her cooking. Plz be genuine
    Its all in your hands as you are a strong person...
     
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