Pressure to spend more time with In-laws only not parents

I experience this... Thankfully, am in the US and not going to India that often.

 

Even before our first trip home, I knew there would be issues. I sweetly told my husband that we should plan our vacation, and get the train tickets for travel booked in advance as we were going in December, and that is Sabarimala season and tickets are hard to get (travel between kerala and TN). He agreed, and being the ultra-super-planner he is, we sat with a calendar, and then asked my sister to do all the travel bookings.

In-laws complained, but too bad, tickets were already booked. It became worse after my son was born since they hated that my parents would get to spend time with him. But by that time, DH too wanted to visit my home (no trip there since marriage) and enjoyed it thoroughly. NOW...we make our plans, but I do make sure to give equal amount of time to both sets. No matter my differences with my in-laws, my DS needs to know both sets of grandparents.

 

I had the same problem and still going to india is a big tug of war for my time....

in spite the fact that my in-laws live with me half the year every year.
Same thing happens when my parents can come here, it has to revolve around my in laws r not here, they wld not skip their trip so that my parents can be here during summer time.

did i find solution? no, i asked for it directly - yes

but after 12 years of marriage they did so much wrong doing with me one fight - i told my hubby not to make me live with them ever and he realized what i feel for them (or what i do not Harhar) and i gave the long list what my problems are with them. he understood and he agreed and he talked to his parents during india trip but still did not work...they made such drama....after one more trip when on to 14th year of marriage...i have had it and i said i will go only 2 days (out of 3 weeks and that is what they want me to spend anyways) to my parents because that is what ur parents want....my then one condition is mine...that i will go only last two days...(that is becuase i know my PIL have this things - bahu ke foot shd leave to US from their home only - and my DH did not know - yes i am evil :cheers) my DH agreed and it made sense to him....and he did not even ask his parents becuase he thought all his parents wanted was to have more days of mine at them....and i was so happy to see the look of their face when i left for US without seeing them on last two days... my DH told me about it and i was like really ..did not know....

they even called me to spend weekends with them when i was there for my father's care due to cancer....holy crap - i want them to burn in hell for demanding that.

anyways past two trips have been for the wedding so they had no option but let me go at my parents

now that we made two india trip in 4 months of period...i do not see planned India trip trip in my future at-least for 3 yrs...so glad

and my DH has seen now other friends....(becuase i keep telling him about it) that out of total time planned they visit near by countrey for 1/3 of the time...so less time in india. and my DH is thinkign of the same


I tell u this in=laws need terrible bahus....i have my sabbatical and want to spend at my parents and i know if i go to inida, i will not get that all.... so trying to figure out what to do...


do not meant rant...but hope u find situation like urs everywhere....

if you have courage...liek other ILs wld say...just have it ur way...

 

Anamika,

My husband understood that I need to spend time with my parents. His reasoning was that one day his parents would spend all their time with us, and since my parents are much older, I should be with them more.

And when I asked him what would happen if they were with us all the time, and then when it was time for me to visit India what I would do, he simply said ... easy. You will only go to your parents house and at the most 1-2 days in Chennai.

 

I think you should get chance to spend equal time with your parents and In-laws. Just pressuring to spend time with IL is just not fair. You also want to be with your own parents for few days and i think you should be talking calmly with your DH and take the decision. All the best dear.

 

When I went for vacation to India, I hardly spent a day in chennai (in laws ). Rest of the time (almost a month) I was at my parents place. It is my vacation time and I don't want to loose my peace and precious time in cold wars and heated arguments. My in laws hardly don't say a hi or a bye during the weekly Skype calls, so why should they expect me to spend half of my vacation at their place??

i am ready to stay at in laws place with my husband, but never without him. I am not ready to get into a den and that too without a weapon.

 

Complaints, comments and issues are free gifts of marriage.

I am Not tagged an ideal bahu even if I spend the whole vacation at their place. They will complain and pass comments whether I stay with them or not. So I enjoy my vacation thoroughly at my parents place with my friends, cousins and other relatives. So I get the energy either to ignore or answer back once I am back to US.

All my innocense and politeness are lost fighting with these unreasonable people. None of my plans are disclosed until the final moment. I make sure dh stands by my side. He will speak to his parents.

This is summer when my inlaws were here, mil sarcastically said about my one day visit to their place, I said first we will improve our skype relation, then we will plan about my vacation.