1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Is the below true?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by anika987, Aug 28, 2014.

  1. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    12,969
    Likes Received:
    20,846
    Trophy Points:
    538
    Gender:
    Female
    MIL keeps saying the following things..

    1) Now,u won't know.Once ur children leave you and go,then you will find it so lonely and suffer..

    2) You are a DIL now. Only when you become a MIL u will know how much we face. only when u become a MIL and your son brings a DIL no matter how good u will be,there will be an insecurity which moms of sons are bound to face.then you will know.


    3) Old age is the toughest.trust me.You will crave for love and affection from others and family.

    4) when you have sons and daughters and still need to go to an old age home,you will know the real pain as your heart will break.

    5) karma is bound to hit back.Now, all u care is your happiness and do not bother about the elderly but u will know when u are an MIL.

    6) ur mom will be an MIL soon and when she comes crying to u with her problems with DIL then u will know what I am talking about.

    Nowadays,she is talking about my bro and his future wife and keeps taunting me
    and trying to scare me.

    I am not a 100% perfect DIL but I have a conscience.Inititally I used to be so good to MIL.She,due to her possessive nature non-stop tortured me with words and actions.How much can I tolerate?So these days I stand up for myself and she told me the above things.Now I feel so guilty and like a bad person as though I am mean to her but to be honest,I have zero love and respect for her.I lost that with her but she is still dh's mom and hence I do tolerate.
     
    Loading...

  2. ars

    ars Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,599
    Likes Received:
    750
    Trophy Points:
    208
    Gender:
    Female
    Omg What a long list of predictions. Is your MIL God.
    Maybe it is her karma hitting back to her Thats why she is experiencing all this.
    Any way IGNORE. Smile and say. "Thanks Mom for warning ahead I will be prepared when the time comes"
     
    7 people like this.
  3. DKI

    DKI Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    818
    Likes Received:
    1,307
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    This is a constant Mantra at home. Started when DS was born. They asked me to send him back to India with them. When I refused, she asked me "If I can stay away from my son, why can't you stay away from your son?" Luckily my DH heard it and he pointed out the fact that her son was 32 and my DS was not even 1

    It will go on. Looks like you are going great as far as keeping things in control. If your mother does come to you complaining, do what my mom and her sisters did - walk away and not let her complain to them.
     
    1 person likes this.
  4. Priya4oct

    Priya4oct Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    999
    Likes Received:
    820
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    I agree with all the points except 5 (no comments) and 6 (it's on individual).
    I have MIL, no big complaint though and my mother is also a MIL. But I must say neither my MIL is perfect nor my mother as MIL. Even sometime I feel bad for SILs (some time my mom really heart them with words and their way of working) though she doesn't live them. Just visit for a week in 1-2 months. She opted herself not to live with them with valid reason which I feel all MILs should understand. Per my mom, there is a different way of living between us (mom and SILs) and if I will stay their I would like to change them which will result clashes. So it's better to not to stay togather (her reasoning is If I ask my DILs to follow something they will do thinking they have to do that only for couple of days. If they have to do this for everyday, this will either dishearten me or them.
     
    1 person likes this.
  5. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    7,663
    Likes Received:
    23,148
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    Is your mil feeling all this now because she didn't treat her mil right?
    Tell your mil...you won't feel all this because you will train your son to become an independent man ,not a mommy's boy.Tell her you will plan so that you can enjoy your retirement with your husband separately and not have to deal with this daily drama.
     
    4 people like this.
  6. Anamika99

    Anamika99 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    717
    Likes Received:
    601
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    Well it can go either way , it depends on your personality. If you have your own things in life you would not suffer. I see wide contrast in my MIL and my MOM who is MIL too a DIL. My MOM does not have time to talk to her DIL as she is so busy participating in activities, learning music, reading books.....my MIL needs everyday sit down time with me , go figure...

    well,again it depends, what kind of DIL u wld get...if somebody with consicence like you, you'd be fine...and i also, yes if you end up stayign in joint family with her.....there will be some frictions as it comes with the joint family....
    and for your mom...it will depend on what kind of DIL she gets and if she ends up stayign together...really. When i got married an wore knee high clothes or clothes with side slit in presence of my PIL...they used to make faces and even my DH taunted me up to the extend that he said "do u think this is approparite clothes with in-laws" and in my reply that it was ok...he said "ok ur bro also will get 'vaishya' like you" (it is different he apologized later as we had a big fight due to his words) but today my bro is married to a doc and happy n yes she is not 'vaishya'


    yes, it is tought becuase u can not get around and feel so dependent...i see my MIL changing to some extend as she is not physically as capable hence feel dependent on us and has mellowed down a bit...love and affection, I am not sure.....human is social animal so we need it, but does not have to come from family only, could be from friends, and we can;t expect son and DIL running around us in the name of love n care

    Yeah i guess, it would be hard if in the same town...but what if u do not want to live where ur kids are...say they r in US and u won't to settle in india... this is situation based


    Yes I belive in Karma, but as u said you have conscience so then u do not have to worry...as i said above, in the name of care n love she can not control u, of course u will need ur space, u will overwrite her in something, will not care of certain complaints of her, and so on...but basically if u r a goo person u do not have to worry about karma on those counts


    i added note to this above


    If the other party's is taking ur kindness for granted, it was about time u changed....i share the feeling u have for ur MIL, but i do not have any guilt....age or relation does not give respect, one has to earn it...so be guilt free.

    I told once my DH....i did things for them before, becuase that is the advice my parents gave, then i did becuase i loved my DH and they were his parents, i continued doing it becuase i thought it was my duty to elders...and then i keep doing it now just due to Karma...it never came out of love as they never created such enviornemnt for me....


    so be happy and relax
     
    2 people like this.
  7. Nitha J

    Nitha J IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,733
    Likes Received:
    1,041
    Trophy Points:
    315
    Gender:
    Female
    Honestly, I think a few things that your MIL said it is true. It is only logical that you feel lonely when your children moves out.

    After being with the children for 20 plus years, a mother's life is so much inter-twined with them that one sometimes forget that you have a life of your own apart from the children.
    A Son stays at home more than daughters. An average Indian men marries around 26 years, and girls at 22 years. Obviously men stays single more years than daughters . Till then it is majorly mother who spends her 20's 30's and 40's taking care of the son's domestic affairs. So maybe mother's feel uncomfortable when a girl with rights (i.e the wife) comes to the son's life. She might feel insecure.

    I also think that old age is toughest. It is when you realize the fragility of life. Many people whom you have known in your childhood must have moved across the states or country or even continents,to be with their children, many people whom you might have grown up would have passed away. It is not so easy for many to form strong bonds in old age, as in your teens or as young moms. And it is also not easy to for them to live just by clinging onto memories.

    The entire problem is because
    We make our children not a part of life, but the center of the life. We (parents) give so much priority to children over our interests. Once a baby is born the focus is on the baby till he/she get married off, and most of times even after that. Everything else takes backseat. Especially, our personal interests, we define our life with motherhood. And when the children grow the wings and fly off to their own families, we tangle ourselves in the web of insecurities. This is what most in our IL's generation does.
    I do not have mil issues, still I hear my MIL making statements one and two, and occasionally about karma.
    Sometimes, I feel bad for them, and I listen. But there is only so much I can do. That she too knows.
    What goes around comes around. I believe in it. That's the fun. It makes life's so dramatic :))
     
    3 people like this.
  8. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    12,969
    Likes Received:
    20,846
    Trophy Points:
    538
    Gender:
    Female
    I really felt bad for u for tat vaishya word.:( tat was not nice.anyways,I hope all is fine.
    thanks for the reply dear
     
  9. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    12,969
    Likes Received:
    20,846
    Trophy Points:
    538
    Gender:
    Female
    very mature and beautiful answer:)
     
  10. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    12,969
    Likes Received:
    20,846
    Trophy Points:
    538
    Gender:
    Female
    true priya.thx for the reply dear
     

Share This Page