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Updates....Did I do it right? I feel so...But what if............?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by drnamshara, Aug 22, 2014.

  1. drnamshara

    drnamshara Gold IL'ite

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    Dear All...

    Soory for the long post...again hmm..

    We are living a "chilled-out" life by ourselves and DH continues to visit ILs home for weekends...
    FIL kept messaging that he is feeling frustrated and helpless as he is not having any solution for my MILs abusive nature and to bring me back home etc...
    And MIL on other hand was ready to "FORGIVE my childish decision of moving out owing to her abuse". Because it is but natural as she is elder and has all rights to mold me she like the way she wants!

    I noticed that they continued celebrating all the festivals with pomp and glory without missing me....MIL had prepared some 18 dishes all by herself for Janmashtami!!! She claimed all old and ailing with aches and pains the whole year I lived with them...and 18 dishes all by herself now that I am out???!! sudden pink of health??? She tried to get me to talk thru DHs phone many a time...i begged him and stayed away from fone calls...

    FIL has been down with Fever since a couple of days....she was angry that I dint go visit him and kept making un-timely calls to DHs fone late nights and early mornings to scream about my irresponsible behavior!!

    We decided that DH should stay back with them till FIL gets better...
    FIL got a sudden low sugar attack and collapsed last night....but was fine by morning...I suggested we to take him to the next door Doc for the routine checkup soon...DH told me to apply for leave and come and stay at ILs home for the weekend so that MIL dosnt keep this as a reason and blow up things again!!

    I was feeling scared..helpless and guilty....i took an immediate decision...instead of the weekend misery of going home and meeting FIL i decided to go with FIL to the clinic right away so that I get 1st hand info of his condition and get to spend time with him as well !!

    Though DH was not very fine with this he did not stop me. I reached the clinic to find MIL also there! Painful Memories and rage unleashed. I walked in straight ignored her all together (like she always did to me) and directly went and spoke to FIL and sat in the waiting room with them. DH whispered that I speak to MIL also. But i refused point blank.

    I did my bit by interacting with the doc...got the necessary tests and medications done. FIL was back to is chirpy self. We were about to leave and MIL initiated the talk saying come home eat and go I have made such and such dish..I said I have applied just half day leave I am late. I got to go.

    I did my bit to show that I do care, by visiting FIL in the Clinic itself and spent some time with them and I am back to my home...
    Plus no stress of having to go back to that hostile place and stay there for the weekend just to prove MILs opinion of me wrong and to show that I care!!!!

    Did I do the right thing?
    What if next MIL falls ill and I am forced to go to that pain home? :(

    (I always have an option of getting them admitted to the hospital I work for...nearer to both our workplaces and our lil home as well....and prevent long distance travel from work to the far away ILs place...but I dunno if they will agree to this option)
     
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  2. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    You did very well Op.You took care of fil's needs and ignored the abuser.Brilliant.
    You are now looking like a confident person who cannot be taken for granted. Well done dear. You have surpassed expectations.A week back you were a nervous wreck over a broken washing machine and now you have the shrew partly tame.

    Don't worry about mil. If she does fall sick...you will know how to take care of her.If you keep this up ...she will know this is what happens when she abuses you. Even if you do have to go there to take care...she will not dare to repeat her dramas. If she does...leave her with her son...and leave for home.

    By taking care of fil and being sensitive to his needs ,you are showing her that not abusing has its rewards.

    You make us proud.
    Hope soon you will find your right ful place in the family . Hope your mil also someday realize that people have options other than bearing with her abuse.
    Hugs to you dear.hugsmiley
     
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  3. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    :wowkneesmiley

    Brilliant! What you have done is perfect. I was wondering about you over the last couple of weeks, doc. And here you come with such a wonderful success story.

    Of course your mil doesn't have the right to 'mould you'! Keep ignoring her. And refuse to move in even for 2 days to MILs home. Let her celebrate all festivals with pomp and show. When she sees that it has no impact over you, she will eventually fall in line!

    Just dont engage with her. Even if she apologises, (which I doubt would be sincere) nod your head and refuse to engage. I felt sorry for your FIL and I'm glad that he is chirpy with you.

    Keep rocking!
     
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  4. Weasly

    Weasly Gold IL'ite

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    Girl, if i had a trophy right now, i wud write ur name on it!! I mean , :party

    So very proud of u!!
    Thanx to the IL again!!
     
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  5. sirila29

    sirila29 Bronze IL'ite

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    Good Job Dr. Very well done. Congratulations on your new found courage. keep it going.
     
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  6. persecutedDIL

    persecutedDIL Gold IL'ite

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    You did very well OP. You did your duty without bending before the abuser. Nothing more to add. Just this - Keep it up!
     
  7. urenigma

    urenigma Senior IL'ite

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    I think now is the time to be proud..
    Lets cross the bridge of u should take care when ur MIL is unwell when it happens!! :)

    Its party time now!! hugsmiley :party
     

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