My bro's problem with SIL

My bro got married recently
arrange marriage
he was very clear that he will not have fun time for 2 yrs or so as he is doing very very very advanced studies. Everything needs to wait...travelling, socializing, shopping for home etc.

before marriage only my SIL (his wife) agreed and was ok with.
But now, she keeps making new plans - for fun...including travel. My bro keep explaining her that he cannot afford to miss his studies as it is very tough. 34 hrs in 24 hrs he works (yes i mean it)

He is ok with ocasional outing for a day or two, but not for big vacation and not much outing very often.....no shopping time to get house in shipshape or hobby shopping (say shopping for hiking)

SIL would listen to him and understand and then will go back to her original self in a week. Over all she is nice (knock on wood, so good so far)

she is highly qualified as well n working....

how should my brother handle her nicely (since telling her upfront nicely has not worked well) so these demands stop - and it is a question of another 14 months. After that if he finds a job(and that will happen only if he does well now and SIL knows it) then things will be super cool for them

 

Thanks for your reply.

i m not thinking from my brother's side but i unerstand him what he is going through in terms of work pressure (his work and study is the same thing)

what he does not like is that everytime pressure builds up from SIL to go and do something - it is not time only spent doing the activitiy but after effect physically. he cannot afford it as there are days he is working for whole week with 2-3 hrs sleep in a day. and he had made this very clear to my SIL before she said yes.

he does not like to say no everytime so there are times he ends up saying yes even when he cannot go out just because he had said no last time.

he has been telling her calmly and she understands but then she ends up again planning...so he is looking for 'strategic' talk so it works out...and i m out of idea.


why wedding happened. : this is not his bachelor's or something , he is doing super specialization in his area so he was nearing 40 and so wedding needed to happen.
we had been looking for his partner for past 10+ yrs n did not work out for unfortunate reasons..either gal did not like him or he did not like the gal. this time both liked each other and my borther was letting this candidate go also if she wld not have agreed to his lifestyle expectations for next 1+ year after wedding.


so yes looks like he has to keep talking to her everytime she proposes something. he was just trying to avoid that as it creates different pressure - having to say no everytime.

 

yes it happens to all of us....getting busy ...it is just that this yr critical for him to make progress and the rest of his life would depend on it for the career and if he does not do well (way beyond expectation) this year and if he does not find a job - he will have to go out of USA for 2 years before he can come back and his wife can not leave due to her visa status. they new this risk before getting married and they knew he will have to totally focus on his studies to avoid this situation so the separation of them does not happen

 

@priya ...lol, all i wanted to use is SIL so it is justified to be in this forum
and yes, my bro spends time with her whenever it is possible.
She does not have time killing issue.... they live apart, she has a full time demanding job as well. they meet twice a month or thrice a month...sometimes once a month. my brother understand if they r meeting once a month only ...he gives his 100% to her. but when it is more than that then for him time does not align such that he is off for all those three or two times in the month and yet he has to accommodate this needs become big thing for him. and there are time when she comes from her city ...my brother has worked for constant 36 hrs for past weeks and has a need of just crashing, and then spend quite time with her instead of going out to the beach or other places.

i totally agree on tiny needs she has...my borther tries his best to meet...

- she likes her house super clean ...and my bro is a mess, so he makes sures everything is tidy up when she is coming...in spite the schedule, he somehow does that
- same thing for organization...
- watching more meanigful movies....after very tire some work...having to see death at work my bro prefers funny and light movies but SIL likes meaningful movies so he still makes sure he watches those instead of his funny ones when she is around
- she likes he cooks for him sometime, so he plans on having meals cooked by him when she is coming...
- she likes to be pampered (of course newly married) , he thinks of gifts to give it to her everytime...even as small as just a thoughtful book mark... or flowers...

@iamagoodgirl: yes, i think u have the right words, i will use that for my bro to understand my SIL....probalby it will help me talk everytime if he wld understand where she stands in her mental state.