sil, too frank with dh, even now...

Hi internet mom,

sorry to know... but it actually feels awkward...
i had similar things happen in my family too... but not this worse...
initially i just hated the way they talk.. and as usual my DH couldn't react to that..
but then i just move away when they have such conversations..
i told my MIL dat i dont want to be questioned on my personal things in front of others and i dont want FIL to interfere in these matters... she is little understandable type so may be she spoke to FIL ,it has reduced a little... may be give a try talking to MIL softly, politely.. personally

or ask ur DH to tel to ILs abot how uncomfortable u feel.

or just ignore... we dont have any more options da......

Stay cool
Sugu

 

Sorry to tell you, but none of them seemed extemely awkward to me other than your SIL's act of viewing your SMS from her brother's mobile. I guess this incident happened before your marriage, perhaps she wasn't grown up then.

Other than that, her casual talk about breast feeding, and child biting is not sexy talks. It is reality of parenthood between adults. No brother would go to fantacy world or sexy mood after knowing his sister's struggle stories of breast feeding. If so, I would have been the most bad SIL, as I casually talk about those bad days of breast feeding every time a new child is born in our family. Most of the time, I make sure there are adults around, not the relationship or gender of the audience. Of course we speak the same with brother and SIL as she is expecting her first baby soon. I don't find it awkward, but casual.

As for contraceptive, we normally and casually hint our sister to plan her second baby soon, so stop whatever the contraceptive that they are using. Our intention is to motivate them to look for a baby, but not to know their sexy bedroom stuff. I mean we in the sense of (me, my husband, my brother and his wife as a team)

We hug and kiss whenever it is appropriate. I see nothing wrong in that. We sometimes sit next to each other, hold hands when the other is weak or climbing slippery roads, and talk casually about pregnancy, delivery, stretch marks, weigh gain, bleeding and all the stuff. I never find them awkward.

I think your husband and his sister are grown up adults now. They are married with their own kids. They are no longer teenagers with giggling eyes, and curious minds about sex.

 

say to her directly.....these are your personals. even though he is your brother, initially he is a guy. not girl to listen your personal matters. he is feeling inconvenience. but because he is guy, he is not telling to you. so i am telling you. & don't involve in my personals too.

sure. drama ill raise because of this. but ague with PILs that, this behaviour is not at all good for a grown up girl. so i suggested like that. nothing is wrong. sence show is important than love show.

 

as sgbv has rightly pointed out, these things may not be very awkward in themselves at times. In some families such open talks are common while in others they are considered improper. I won't say either one is wrong. It is just a matter of individual family environment. In your case the problem is that yours and your ils family differ in this issue.

So my opinion is, just let it go and let them behave the way they are habituated to. But yes, when it comes to you, you have every right to behave the way you are habituated to as well. So if your sil/mil/fil is telling you something in front of others or doing something that makes you feel awkward then clearly state that you will not have people doing such things as you don't like it.

Problem happens in cases where drawing such clear lines between your matter and their matter is not possible, e.g in relation to your dh as he is equally yours and theirs. In that case, i would suggest, tell your dh to respect your feelings and protect you. LIke in case of reading messages. Dh should tell sis strongly that some one else's sentiment is involved in it and that person may not like it even if i do. So please refrain from doing such things. This way i think you can protect your feeling while allowing your dh to be his usual self with his family members.

 

i understand your situation, my sil told her bro in great detail about how she 'pushed' and 'pushed' at the time of her delivery. I think more than your sil or dh, the problem lies with your mil who, as a mother, should have taught her children ways of proper behavior as they grow up and the way to give each other space as they marry. Something she clearly failed to do in her bid to create very strong bond between her two children and now that YOU are already in picture, it is even more impossible for her to rectify anything with her dd because it will be her ego issue in relation to you as she knows it is you who is feeling awkward. others in the family are long conditioned, so they don't. Also she will take it as your attempt to distance the bro and sis, hence her aggressive blaming when your dh protested once or twice.

So at this point, there is no way but to ignore and let it go and when things become too much, just put your foot down saying you won't have it. E.g your sil always being between you and not letting you have any personal time, i would have told dh that he should call/skype me for 10 extra minutes some other time exclusively or give some time when i can do it as i have my emotional requirement with my dh, something cannot be fulfilled in his sis's presence or even my sis's presence for that matter. My privacy in dh-dw relation is my right irrespective of how frank the bro-sis relationship is.

 

I think your sil is not a child any longer.Any married woman should understand the boundary that should be maintained with another married couple. Her insistence on group chat always is totally out of line.This is where she stops being a loving little sister , and becomes a clingy ,insecure sister.This is where your husband became a husband who thinks sister's feelings are more important than yours. Either of you should have put a stop to it.Doesn't take much...just jokingly tell her to stop being a "kabab mein haddi"...or tell her to go skype with her husband and leave you two to coo to each other.

Asking for your offer letter is out of line and in bad taste.You should have refused saying it is personal. you should have let your husband know that you are not comfortable. Sometimes husbands have to be told...other wise they just assume it is ok.You were uncomfortable...may be sometimes your sil can take turns being uncomfortable when you refuse. You should not have sent. Your husband is not your boss.You don't have to do everything he asks you to.

Reading sms is again totally out of line.She needs to learn her boundaries.Next time you tell her you are not comfortable with anyone reading your personal messages.If she says "you can read mine"...tell her you have no interest in reading others messages.

 

Sorry for your situation.

Its time to stand up dear. Your sil's behavior does not seem very cool to me. This is not normal in every family, at the least the one I am from.

Your dh would shred things in the sense that she is his li'l sister. But not all would. Tel your DH that you are not comfortable with the talks. I know he cannot do much on this given your mil's attitude towards this. However, please tell him that this upsets you. At the least he could try changing the topic when one such situation pops up.

SIL is not normal. So does your MIL. Most of us are from a family which draws line when the girl matures. I am not there to comment on it. However, certain things definitely feels awkward to me. You should at the least hint her that you need your space. Seems the whole family is like that. However, try hard and find your space.

Let them talk, you need not worry. But make sure you are not the part of the conversation, the least you can do.