Am I wrong here ??

pkm · Aug 2, 2014

Hi,

I love to keep my home clean always. And there are certain cleanliness and hygiene practices I follow. One among them is NO outside slippers to be used at home beyond the first room. My il's are here now and my mil has this habit of wearing her Nike shoes in the living room and bathroom. I saw this one time before last week but did not say anything thinking that was a one time mistake. Second time I saw her wearing shoes to the bathroom, when I was about to tell her something came in between and then we went out. Later I left that too. Last time there was some dirt stick to the bath rug and I have to clean it.

Today I saw her repeating the same thing , This time I told her, "Please don't use the shoes you wear outside in the living room and bathroom." for this she did not give any reply. Then we went out. In the lift she started crying saying how i be so rude. and later during the conversation she sarcastically said to fil and dh "even I am going to follow some principles in life, if everyone of you have a principle I do have mine from today."

When she cried it made me feel guilty for no fault of mine. I have to vacuum and dust the house on alternate days. These days I am not getting even some 'my' time. from dawn to dusk I will be working and she will not even lift her little finger to do anything. (I did not expect) finally this is how I am looked upon.

Am I wrong here ??

anmolhai · Aug 2, 2014

Its best to let dh tell such thing to them.......much easier. Tell him it will sound better ( no attack on ego) coming from you dear

rainbowresh · Aug 2, 2014

You are not wrong dear. Don't feel guilty. Just make hubby insist on it like he s a cleanliness freak. But for that first convince him that its a requirement that the house be clean and that it becomes tough to clean often when she s walking with shoes inside the house. Tell her to use separate house slippers/hawais for only inside house use(if she insists and if OK with u). Tell her with a smile on ur face and politely request ...if DH doesn't wanna get into a soup!

cheenu123 · Aug 2, 2014

Yes, its best if DH intervenes..my MIL has a had of coughing loudly without covering her mouth which is highly irritating..i discussed this with my DH and next time when she did this, he immediately rebuked her..she dint take any offense at all and said OK

dars · Aug 2, 2014

Nothing wrong..what you did was perfect..you are concerned about cleanliness of the house only right.being hygienic is good for whole family.

what is the need of DH intervention here.you are taking care of the family.
At least you should have the right to tell this to her .

Saisakthi · Aug 2, 2014

Sister pkm,

:welcome to IL family,

Appreciate following your principles, but If I were you, I would have bought a separate pair of Slippers for home use and gladly given it to the Elders and said Maa/Paa please use this inside the home as it would be easier for me to keep the floor spic and span, also makes you comfortable to not give up your practice of using shoes inside the home.

If there is a chance then it can go through the hands of her son, which would make things more smooth and perfect.

May Baba guide us always, SAIRAM

pkm · Aug 2, 2014

Thank you all or making my heart feel light.
Dear rainbowresh and saisakthi I gave her two new pairs of slippers for inside use when she arrived here.

bhuvnidhi · Aug 2, 2014

pkm , You are not at fault here.Sometimes we do the right thing and we would be forced to feel guilty.I think if we are strong no one can make us feel guilty (for the right things).

Well , it is common sense not use the same slippers/shoes outside---->house<---bathroom.Let your hubby to deal with this.If it is my mom, I would tell her straight not to do like that and she would understand.Tell your hubby to deal with the situation and be firm.It is definitely not a good and tolerable practice.As as elderly person she should be knowing this.

pear · Aug 3, 2014

Degree of acceptable Cleanliness differs from person to person.Pointing out others habits as unhygienic is a sure way to deeply hurt them.You should have been more careful when taking this with your MIL.
Someone will value a clean bathmat ,but wont mind tasting food while cooking using left hand.
Will appear in clean clothes ,but wont be averse to nail-bite ...................
you can meet a person who give imp in the reverse order too........
You are not wrong or unreasonable,but a little caution could have helped .

1Sandhya · Aug 4, 2014

pear said: ↑

Degree of acceptable Cleanliness differs from person to person.Pointing out others habits as unhygienic is a sure way to deeply hurt them.You should have been more careful when taking this with your MIL.
Someone will value a clean bathmat ,but wont mind tasting food while cooking using left hand.
Will appear in clean clothes ,but wont be averse to nail-bite ...................
you can meet a person who give imp in the reverse order too........
You are not wrong or unreasonable,but a little caution could have helped .
Click to expand...

what the heck do you mean by that? dont you know that people are born left handed or right handed naturally and they cannot help it, that it is a natural god given thing. If you are a dirty person who cannot be bothered to wash her hands properly after using the bathroom, that is your problem. That doesnt mean everybody else is also unhygenic like you. Stop blaming left handed people for cooking with their left hand!