Turning tables with SIL

Iamagoodgirl · Aug 1, 2014

I have almost turned table with SIL thanks to indusladies.

Instead of complaining about my SIL to my husband now a days i just keep showing lot of sympathy to her and make sure he just know whats happening.Now he himself is able to spot all contradiction in what she claims and reality.For eg she just kept demanding us financial help telling us she has lot of loan and how much stressed she is because of lack of money.Instead of complaining about my SIL i was like oh poor she why dont you help her.
Then she brought gold bangles of 1 lakh,brought laptop and her husband brought camera of 50k.All i did was just forward information to him.I asked him yesterday innocently why dont they first clear their loan instead of buying this stuff.He got mad and went to MIL asking asked his sister same question that why she just dont clear loan instead of buying all fancy stuff?
I am exposing her slowly without becoming villain in my PIL or husbands eye.

Another problem i have with her she keep always showing how ideal indian bahu and wife she is.She is overly sweet with everyone and keeps talking about sanskar all the time.I dont have problem with she playing ideal indian bahu but she keeps doing it such a away that i end up looking bad.She also expect me to follow her ,act same way which i dont want to.

some of the examples she keep expecting me to wear sari ,bangles sindur.Expect not to call my husband by name.Expect me to fast on fasting days.Expect me to eat diner only after my husband finishes it.She also keeps doing all this indirectly.Like she tell infront of all relatives how she did some puja and had fast with fruits and milk only whole day and then ask me at the end of the story if i had fast yesterday.

Her rudest remark i remember was i wearing short which my husband brought for me.She told me afterward on one occasion watching some model on tv wearing short , see this is why rapes are increasing in india because now a days ladies dont dress decently.

Till date i have been keeping mum and expecting her to get a clue that this is how i am and my husband loves me for who i am.I just keep mum or tell her that i dont like doing all these things or just good you keep doing all these things but i dont like these things.It isnt working.She just keep pressuring me more more.

I need suggestion about how to stop her making me look like a bad person and pressuring me to play ideal bahu and wife.

yellowmango · Aug 1, 2014

You are doing well....
Next time just tell her...."Not every one has the legs to wear shorts."
When she starts talking about sanskar...just smile and walk away.Don't listen to such gyan from a person who has no problems financially abusing her brother.
As for finances...get husband to start some SIPs for all the loose money .Make sure you have enough to live comfortably but not enough to splurge. Always keep your husband informed about the next item you are saving for the "family".Save... and buy ,let him know.It can be anything...a new set of cups for diwali,new curtains..or if pocket allows...a little piece of jewelery as future investment.

sweetestshweta · Aug 2, 2014

Good going dear:yes:

I am exposing her slowly without becoming villain in my PIL or husbands eye.
Click to expand...

I am too doing it subtly.Though showing sympathy is a big NO NO in my case-burnt my hands with it(His heart melts and MIL anyways plays on the sympathy card so it only increases my burden"Poor them..So we should help them more..Who'll do it otherwise")
But yeah,it surely helps in long run if you keep exposing their evil side.I remember when I was newly married,DH was so so full of respect,love and all goody feelings and thought they live in such meagre amount,such poverty etc..But now he knows that they splurge a lot and also are extravagant.He might not discuss with me but atleast I don't have to tell him all the time about the real MIL-SIL..
About the sanskaar drama-play deaf in front of her.When she knows that you aren't paying any heed nor are correcting yourself,it'll frustrate her.Then she'll either say bitter things to you or shut up.A win-win situation for you..

guesshoo · Aug 2, 2014

Great job! She is trying hard to be traditional for your benefit! Ha ha.

My mil did a bit of that initially when I got married - my DH alerted me to the fact saying, "she never did all this before. I think she is trying to teach you to be traditional. So learn." My response after a couple of months of fumbling was a sweet smile and a patronising, "how sweetly old fashioned! Good for you if it suits you. I don't subscribe to this school of thought." That I had a different 'school of thought' itself sounded far more sophisticated than her and made her back off. Now I have sweet SILs and co-sisters who are extremely traditional. I appreciate them without malice with a "wow! Fabulous! I could never do that." just so mil understands I'm not even competing. Any annoyance from mil will be dealt with the former stmts.

I suggest the same to you. Continue your good work!

Iamagoodgirl · Aug 3, 2014

sweetestshweta said: ↑

Good going dear:yes:

I am too doing it subtly.Though showing sympathy is a big NO NO in my case-burnt my hands with it(His heart melts and MIL anyways plays on the sympathy card so it only increases my burden"Poor them..So we should help them more..Who'll do it otherwise")
But yeah,it surely helps in long run if you keep exposing their evil side.I remember when I was newly married,DH was so so full of respect,love and all goody feelings and thought they live in such meagre amount,such poverty etc..But now he knows that they splurge a lot and also are extravagant.He might not discuss with me but atleast I don't have to tell him all the time about the real MIL-SIL..
About the sanskaar drama-play deaf in front of her.When she knows that you aren't paying any heed nor are correcting yourself,it'll frustrate her.Then she'll either say bitter things to you or shut up.A win-win situation for you..
Click to expand...

I have learnt lot reading your threads please continue.

sweetestshweta · Aug 3, 2014

I have learnt lot reading your threads please continue.
Click to expand...

This forum has been of great help to me.I was baffled in beginning,then tried to learnt it the hard way..Not until I came here,I found any solace from anyone..Its so good to have hundreds of friends,philosophers and guides here..