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Mil..dd problem continues...need help

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by janaka1, Aug 1, 2014.

  1. janaka1

    janaka1 Silver IL'ite

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    I know I am repeating the same story, but I desperately need some practical suggestions to handle the situation at home without getting involved in it. Just don’t know how I can be myself letting mil know that I am not going to be a part of her dirty politics. I really want to do that but nothing seems to work. The mantra of IGNORE seems to fail terribly, & I do not want to get into confrontation cos it never works either. She does the following about my 1.5 yr dd:

    If all sitting together, with dd playing in the middle, she will hold on to her frock, making sure, wherever she goes, she does not come to me, if asked, she either says, because she may fall,(no idea from where she will fall when we are sitting on the floor) or just ignore and continue what she was doing.

    At her whim, she sends fil or comes on her own and simply takes dd and goes off to her room. Repeated confrontations have failed. She/fil may not do it at that time, but will come back after 10 mins and will.

    Never ever once will she admit that my dd wants to cling to me/play with me/come to me from her. I either have to actually pull her out of mil lap against mil wish or silently watch my baby cry. Once even dh got irritated and told mil baby is crying for mom..its only too visible’ Her reply was ‘not that its anything special for her mom only, happens with everybody’. Still held on to her and I was left with those two options only.

    Once I was working in garden, dd with mil, started crying, cried for some time, mil came out in balcony. I turned to her and ask her to bring dd out, she giggles to see the water pipe. To my surprise, mil, standing 3 feet away from me, turned and went inside, without saying a word completely ignoring me and handed her over to dh. Asking why she did so, resulted in mil saying that she will die because of me and continued her behavior.

    Such things among many others are getting on my nerves and I have completely lost my mental peace. Please help.
     
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2014
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  2. SeethaHari

    SeethaHari New IL'ite

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    It seems u r very possessive person. Think it this way. Ur MIL is in fact helping u with the baby and sooner or later how closely she knits ur daughter, as age progresses ur daughter will recognise u and cling to u. Pl stop counting on how many hours ur dd is with MIL . As observed ur dh also acknowledges ur plight. Thats something positive. Definitely MILs will loose interest in taking care of small babies becoz it needs lots of patience. Think its temporary and change the situation to ur advantage. Ok for some time let her handle but definitely she cant handle her 24 hours. Pl be patient, let the time pass until ur MIL is tired of handing the baby and she will voluntarily avoid rounding the baby. Bets wishes deal diplomatically and in fact u test her patience.
     
  3. janaka1

    janaka1 Silver IL'ite

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    sorry Seethahari...but you mean it is ME who is being possessive???!!! My mil stops my dd from coming to me on her own...refuses to hand her over to me even when she cries out loud for me...totally ignores me even when i ask her to bring my dd to me.....and it is ME who is being possesive??? Of course i do give her to mil frequently,infct more often than my dh does...but that has not worked in improving her behavior...even when she is tired...she will put her down on floor, and if needed leave her in empty rooms to go to washroom and all but never ever hand her to me....she has been like this since dd was born. Do you really think this is the way to take care of baby??? thanks for giving your opinion, but i really do not understand your point dear...
     
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2014
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  4. Joyoflife

    Joyoflife Gold IL'ite

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    Dear you do not need ur mills permission to hold your own flesh and blood. When she is crying you have to hold her no matter what , ignoring ur mils cunning tricks. Once my mil did that to me, me dd fell down my mil picked her up and took her to another room and poor soul was crying for her mommy. I went to that room and told my mil to give dd to me and mil said let me hold her, I clearly said she needs her mommy now, did not wait for mills answer and took dd from her arms. I have been called a person with bad attitude and all by my mil but I do not care anymore. You do not need an excuse or reason to be with your own dd. Simply take her.
     
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  5. Iamagoodgirl

    Iamagoodgirl Platinum IL'ite

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    i think MIL is jealous.She want your DD to like her more.I dont have solution.Let other member pour advise.
     
  6. FromMars

    FromMars Gold IL'ite

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    Has someone sat down and talked to your MIL. Its going to require lot of talking with her to understand why she does what she does and what can others do, so, such things don't happen.

    Your DH, your FIL, you all need to sit down and talk about this over and over and reach to a conclusion.
     
  7. sirila29

    sirila29 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi,
    Take the baby with you. if your Mil is sitting with the baby crying for you just go and take the baby from her hands and you can say i want to hold her. dont expect your MIL to give it to you. they will not. my MIL used to make it a point never to say your mom is here before my kids for she feared that my kids will be at back of me. of course i made sure they utter mom as the first word. she wanted to be called as mom and i turned back and gave it fiercely to her that she is the grandmom not mom.she raised a big hue but i dont have a choice. i lost my place as wife didnt want to lose my babies too.
     
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2014
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  8. JustLikeYou

    JustLikeYou Gold IL'ite

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    Dear OP,

    Surely your MIL is possessive of your DD and it's very common for most MIL. You dont need your MIL's permission to hold your own baby. Next time, just take your DD and move away. Don't give her any second to confront you. If the baby cries just take her from her arm. You and your DD have to go out if you need some private time to have some fun. May be some park or temple.

    Play your MIL's card. Dont give any response by talking or making sense. Just take your DD and walk away. No explanations needed. When MIL/FIL come to you to pick your daughter up, just take her and go to your bedroom and close the door.
     
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  9. simply_doubtful

    simply_doubtful Gold IL'ite

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    I too was in ur boat. My Mil would take my son with her whereever she went and when playing at home she would keep their bedroom closed with my ds with them. i waited for a while but since this was continuing i simply took charge. I used to take my ds with me where ever i would be going be it to a shop or a park. now he will not go to his granny unless she takes him outside.
    when at home he is after his mummy or daddy.
    be firm and soon ur dd will be with you always all the time.
    Hansika
     
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  10. anmolhai

    anmolhai Platinum IL'ite

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    I agree with Iamagoodgirl....your mil wants to most important person in your lo's life. She wants to be the one that your dd goes to in time of need.....which would have been ok if she was pouring love and care on her but clearly she doesn't have patience or real love for her.

    I don't have any great solution but would say do what's best for your dd even if it means fighting with mil and bearing their anger.
    Just take your dd whenever she needs you. Ignore what tantrum mil is putting.
    all the best
     

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