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Mean MIL

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by SmilingGirl02, Jul 28, 2014.

  1. Jul 28, 2014 #1
    SmilingGirl02

    SmilingGirl02 Senior IL'ite

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    Hi everyone,

    I am back with couple of issue with my struggling life.I am in USA from last few year.I MIL visted me many times.In her last visit, she stayed her for 1 year and gave me really hard time.
    I am working women. My dream was that my parents should visit USA. But as usual my MIL was against all this. According to her this is wastage of money.
    She fought with my husband many times as not to call them here in USA.
    But my issue is when my parent went to meet MIL before coming here, she insulted them. She told them "Her son is wasting money by calling them to USA and ...."
    But its not only son her who is earning hear. Its their daughter who is earning here too. She has no right to say that.
    My parent did not talk back as they knew she will again create issue out of it. But they are feeling very bad and so me too. Why our parents should suffer because of mean people.
    But my husband will not understand all this. He will blame my parent for telling me all this. So use of talking to him about this.

    Couple of month back, I went to India for my brother's wedding. My MIL also stayed at my mother's place for lot days to celebrate small small ceremony.
    My MIL was behaving like crazy there. She was praising every single girl/DIL from my relative. And was talking bad about me to them.
    She praises my real sister for every small did and talk many bad things about me to my sis's MIL. She did not talk single good word about me.
    At wedding, I saw she was praising people like crazy but I ignored it. But afterward, my relatives told me that my MIL talked bad about me to them.
    All this makes me feel so depressing. But again talking to husband will not help.


    Now I am thinking what about my husband's relative. I may be a big villain for them.
     
    SmilingGirl02, Jul 28, 2014
    SmilingGirl02, Jul 28, 2014
    #1
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  2. Jul 28, 2014 #2
    FromMars

    FromMars Gold IL'ite

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    Did you praise other mother in laws at the wedding?

    You are also earning, so, why bother. Bring your parents over. If your DH is not allowing, you pay for the tickets and no need to inform him.

    They will land and tell him that his mom came lot of times, its the turn of your parents.

    Sometimes its better to ask for apology instead of permission.
     
    FromMars, Jul 28, 2014
    FromMars, Jul 28, 2014
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  3. Jul 28, 2014 #3
    yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Op...As for calling your parents visit a waste of money.Next time tell her...not only do I earn money...I save too by doing work at home. No need to bother about that money.Tell your parents to reduce interaction with them and maintain self respect. If husband says something...tell him how he can accept insult of his in laws .

    Regarding her bad mouthing you...don't worry.A mother in law bad mouthing her dil is not a big deal...it is normal.People will judge her more for doing that than you.
     
    yellowmango, Jul 28, 2014
    yellowmango, Jul 28, 2014
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  4. Jul 28, 2014 #4
    yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Ask for apology for what??? For letting her parents visit her?????
     
    yellowmango, Jul 28, 2014
    yellowmango, Jul 28, 2014
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  5. Jul 28, 2014 #5
    gauridinesh

    gauridinesh Platinum IL'ite

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    First thing - Your parents should stand up for themselves to her and not be scared. If she says 'My son is wasting money', ask them to reply 'but its not your son who is paying,its our daughter'.
    Second - forget about what your relatives think.ppl will talk no matter what..next time you hear anything like that, confront your MIL. Stand up for yourself.
     
    gauridinesh, Jul 28, 2014
    gauridinesh, Jul 28, 2014
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  6. Jul 28, 2014 #6
    FromMars

    FromMars Gold IL'ite

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    Yes!!!

    I am sure the husband will get angry if the parents in law come to his home ( without his knowledge ) , all the way from India. So, an apology is okay, after the fact.
     
    Last edited: Jul 28, 2014
    FromMars, Jul 28, 2014
    FromMars, Jul 28, 2014
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  7. Jul 29, 2014 #7
    yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Do you think the husband would be right???How about if his parents come to his house without his or his wife's knowledge?
     
    yellowmango, Jul 29, 2014
    yellowmango, Jul 29, 2014
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  8. Jul 29, 2014 #8
    JustAnotherMom

    JustAnotherMom Platinum IL'ite

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    This is not a solution.

    Practical life does not work like this. She doesn't have to inform or ask her in-laws. But husband need to be told. Imagine once her parents are in US and husband does not talk to them or even stay rude to them. They will be stuck in this country.

    Smily girl, You will have to keep your foot down and make her you husband promise that he will be civil to your parents and make sure you don't let your inlaw's has a say in this one.
     
    JustAnotherMom, Jul 29, 2014
    JustAnotherMom, Jul 29, 2014
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  9. Jul 29, 2014 #9
    FromMars

    FromMars Gold IL'ite

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    I think I misread OPs post. I thought that her MIL had visited numerous times and it was OPs desire to bring her parents but they haven't visited ( with her husband heeding to his mom ). But looks like OP's parents have visited as well albeit the MIL's disapproval.
     
    FromMars, Jul 29, 2014
    FromMars, Jul 29, 2014
    #9
  10. Jul 29, 2014 #10
    SmilingGirl02

    SmilingGirl02 Senior IL'ite

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    Thanks for reply.Even though my MIL was against this,I called my parents here.They already landed here.
     
    SmilingGirl02, Jul 29, 2014
    SmilingGirl02, Jul 29, 2014
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