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Foreigner married to Indian guy-how handle MIL?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Natallie, Jul 28, 2014.

  1. Natallie

    Natallie New IL'ite

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    Please advice me how to menage with MIL.She would do everything to destroy my marriage ,from the start she didnt agree for our marriage. She tried every way to convince husband to not marry me , he didnt listen to her.So now she tries in hidden, secretly poison his mind.We got married nit long time ago ,I am scared about future.I am affraid after I get pregnat we may separare or divorce under her bad influence and I ll stay alone with kids... I hate her from whole my heart, its creepy , but I wish her the worst.I only wish she leaves us alone and let us live happily. DH is fhe only child and she is widiwed.That makes situation worse.He refuses to live separatly. If I had even 1% awarness hiw my life will look like and what are indian MILS I would run away in the minute I meet my husband .brfore I fell in love with him.I didnt realised he is typical "mommy's boy".I had zero knowlwdge about i! I cant sleep, eat, work, that thought is biting me all the time. Sometimes he admits she is mentally sick , but mostly he takes ANY of my tallks as offense to his mother.Even if I talk diplomatically .He refuses even stay in other room with me without his mom! I dont know what to do.When I read forums stories I see many ladies has similar problem but I think they are more prepared for this. I was not.I love my husband but this fear about future diesnt let me live normally.If any fireigner girl us reading this -please run away before it is too late !Dont get involve in any romantic relation with Indian males! Why indian MIL are like this??? Is it some kind if social disease? Any tips for me? How to feel safe and not worry?:I feel depressed coz if all this.I m sorry if this post is being too emotional but I have throw it out if me, or I will inplose!
     
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  2. MrsBV

    MrsBV Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Natalie, I am sorry to hear about your issues.. however I will have to disagree to the point that all Indian MILs are the same (but yes the majority is). I do understand that for you facing a constantly interfering MIL would have been a huge cultural shock. Indian women maybe more prepared to deal with such MILs because they have seen it around them. Can i request you to elaborate on the issues you face with her? Is she constantly nagging and does your husband turn a deaf ear to all your complaints of MIL? Have you had a chance to speak to your MIL directly or does language continue to be an issue?
     
  3. FromMars

    FromMars Gold IL'ite

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    Lots of MILs and DILs joining the community in the last couple of days. Maybe you all are silent reader ( I wouldn't dare to say that you are an existing member creating another id for not revealing yourself ).

    The only thing missing is, any gay couples asking advice of how to handle MILs. If we have that, our forum would become a one stop shop for all MIL issues.
     
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  4. FromMars

    FromMars Gold IL'ite

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    You sound more Indian to me, than most Indian women in this forum.

    Just saying....
     
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  5. Natallie

    Natallie New IL'ite

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    Frommars- how you excpect me to sound like? I am foreigner and women also and by marrying indian guy i facing problems most indian women do.Foreigners are people also;) I m not trolling, or something.Cant give many details coz my husband happends to read this forum. Just needed to let out of my emotions. It really poisoning my life . Dont know how how to deal with this. MrsBV - as example I may say MIL accused me I am a prostitute coz I stood few minutes in gatedoor staring at the street! Food she preparing is for her abd her son ,I can eat what iis left.So I am preparing foid for myself and sometimes for DH , if I can. Before marriage she wanted me to take of the clothes and let her examine my genitalias and stomach! I refused and my DH shouted on me saying how can his mom trust me if I dont trust her.She wanted me go shopping with her abd carry 40-60 pounds weight.All that seemed perfectly normal for my husband. He sometimes stands on my side ,but mostly on his mom side.I just feel it is unfair.I came open and excpecting at least neutral behaviour, while she treats me like enemy
     
  6. Anamika99

    Anamika99 Gold IL'ite

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    Natalie....you had a red flag right there before marriage when she wanted to check you...

    u still have time, put ur foot down and tell ur hubby you won't allow this. If u care to save this relations , he should to and if he does not then....is it worth being in that relation?
     
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  7. JustLikeYou

    JustLikeYou Gold IL'ite

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    Natalie,

    Seriously, she wanted to check you? Didnt you think this is abnormal? Didnt you think your fiance not standing by your side for something this sensitive was a red flag?

    What do you expect from a guy who didnt stand-up for you for a matter like this?

    Indian DILs have issues with ILs but i dont think we have issues like this....

    I wonder if this relationship is even worth it...
     
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  8. MrsBV

    MrsBV Gold IL'ite

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    That seriously is a first she wanted to check you out and your DH was all for it. You need to have a direct conversation with your DH and MIL and tell them clearly you will not hear any bull**** from any of them. If they continue to harass you would you really want to continue with this relationship? I mean her trying to check you out and the DH all ok about it is more than just a red flag. OP, her mentally harassing you like that is considered to be domestic violence and you can also file a report against her if she continues to do so. Take care!
     
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  9. LotusAura

    LotusAura Gold IL'ite

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    I think we should not reduce this forum to belittling, ridiculing or derogation of Indian MILs and Indian culture & society, or that of any other country or cultures for that matter. It is offensive. You can talk about your problem from an individual's standpoint, but don't ridicule an entire culture & MILs en masse. They're as good or bad as MILs from any other country. It is certainly not a social disease as you say. And don't entirely go by the stories you read in this forum, the DILs here are a fraction of the country's population of millions of DILs. Their views don't necessarily reflect the majority's views.

    It is unfortunate if you got married into such a family; many of my male relatives are married to foreigner women from various countries too, none of them have such problems as you do. They've been married for many years, have gorgeous kids and make lovely families. And Indian girls who marry foreigners are as prepared for cultural integration as you were, many of them face a lot of issues too, but I'm sure they won't blame an entire culture for problems within their individual families.
     
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2014
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  10. Natallie

    Natallie New IL'ite

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    LotusAura-I didnt mean to offend anyone in my post.Take it as my help calling,as I feel helpless often.
    I didnt made statement that it is social disease.I asked question.I think you reacting too strong puting me I am trying to ridiculing or degrading entire indian culture.I didnt included any of these in my post.
    Every country has its positive and negative features, and India is no exception of that. In my individual opinion MIL-DIL relations is weak point.This particular subforum concerns in-laws topics.I poured out my sorrows .In emotional way,maybe too much emotional , my personal experience and also talking with other females here makes me think I am not the only one whos facing that kind of dificultnes.
    Anyway if you felt offended then I am sorry.
    As about your observations foreigners married to Indians-I really would appreciate any tips from families like that.Maybe that would help me better understand indian culture, as for now many things is being very complicated and dificult.I dont know any european women living in the same way like me.All I know are living separately from inlaws.
    So only place I can share is this forum.


    MrsBV,JustLikeYou-yes she seriously wanted do that!
    Of course I thought its crazy.It was in first period of my stay there and I wanted give up this relation( with DH) many times.
    But after that DH many times shared my point of view ,and MIL had to let it go.
    When MIL wasnt near all beetwen us was perfectly fine so I stayed.
     
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2014

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