women at the root of women's problems

hi all
it is what we see in these forums - 99% of problems are always given by one woman to another , as mil to dil or vice versa

if we can ever ask our mils about her feelings when she was a dil we may all be able to relate to her experiences

similarly when we become mils we may have a better understanding of our mils of today.
these experiences go around in families as a vicious circle
but can this circle be broken ?

as women we always fail to realize our strength
according to me in order to break this cycle 3 areas need to be targeted

• upbringing of our sons
• upbringing of our daughters
• regulating our thought process as we grow older and enter into our role as a mil

all these areas can be solely influenced by women

i have started this thread to know from you friends if you agree with my thoughts and what are your suggestions about what steps should we implement in each of these areas to be able to have a better future for our girls.

 

thank you all for your replies i want to add my suggestions for the solution of this problem

when we are bringing up our children we should treat both boys and girls equally
while encouraging them to do well we should be very very careful , not to compare them with their siblings or friends and neighbors.
this is what breeds insecurity and low self esteem which later brings jealousy and intolerance of anything good happening to the spouse. in these times when many brides are equally highly educated as the husband this is the root cause of many marital problems.
no child should be brought up in such a way that he or she is the center of attention in the family. this makes them unable to accept another person in their life at an equal status as a pedestal can only accommodate 1 person
the girl should not be treated as a temporary guest in the house but as an integral part of the family. she should be given that confidence that even after marriage her maternal home is also her home . this will give her emotional security and courage to stand up to any type of abuse. even after marriage parents should continue to take interest ( not interfere ) in how is their daughter being treated at her il house and take action if needed .
i will keep posting some more things as i gather my thoughts bot please pour in your suggestions also.

and natalie - i have travelled the world and interestingly these mil - dil - dh problems are universal and based on the same issues it follows the principle of universal brotherhood

 

hi anamika
welcome , i want to ask something
by the time we become a mil we have already taken care of a home and children for many years
so when a dil comes we graduate to the next level of seniority
why not hand over the reins of the household to the dil and enjoy the new found freedom. if she is not experienced teach her thing lovingly like we will teach our daughters.
genuine love always gets love in return - we have to believe that
each stage in life has its own blessings. at that stage we can enjoy our hobbies , travel , chat with friends , watch tv , start paying attention to our health , enjoy with grand children . possibilities are endless.
but few ground rules are a must
be financially independent
do not hesitate to ask your children to employ house help if needed
relax your rules slightly to accommodate the new family member and her convenience
never speak rudely or insultingly
why should we think of staying away from our children we will be missing a very rich and fulfilling experience of our life
little bit of common sense and maturity can give us a peaceful , happy and secure old age.

 

dear namshara
if you read my full post that is what i am trying to convey

the other thing is that
before a woman joins a work place she completes her studies and prepares herself for her role there , is it not necessary that before she gets married she should at least prepare herself mentally & skills wise to be able to fulfill her expected duties ? ( pl do not misunderstand i am not talking about abuse here )
i do not think it is abuse if in laws expect a dil to know basic house keeping and cooking skills
a working dil also should not automatically expect to not do anything at home because she is working
the plan of action should be made amicably by discussing the ability , convenience , desires and work load of both mil & dil
the situation should not be dealt by using accusations , abuses and taunts.
the needs are different for all households and the solutions also will be individualized