Not feeling good

hubbysPrincess · Jul 28, 2014

I am not feeling Good by the thing that I am not fulfilling my responsibilities properly. Last week my Pil came to visit us. I am working on a project at home so i sleep generally after 2 o'clock in night, due to that i wake-up late in morning. By the time i wakeup my mil finishes preparing lunch for me,dh and sil. I am feeling too odd for this. yesterday my brother also scold me for waking up at 9 o'clock in the morning when my pils are there. me and dh leave at 10 o'clock for office and come home at 8.again in the evening she finished with dinner. this continues for the whole week.even she provided me bed tea. she has never made lunch or dinner at my place in 1.6 year of my marriage. I am not getting why she has done this time. May be due to sil (she is living with us from past 1 and a half month and leaves home before us so want to feed the food made by her and when she make lunch for her she also prepared for me and dh). i have hired a maid for cleaning and washing utensils so only cooking left now so she did it or she really understand my hectic schedule. dont know. my dh is happy that due to her coming i took rest for some time and given more time to the project.when she left I am feeling bed by what she will be feeling like how her dil wakesup late and eats when she spends time in cooking. what i did is wrong. how to correct this?

guesshoo · Jul 28, 2014

You have not done anything wrong. Your brothers comment was wrong and extremely chauvinistic. You might want to direct him towards books and sites on gender equality

Be gracious, accept your MILs help and thank her. Be pleasant company when you are around. Explain in a short and sweet manner the struggles you have at work and how much overtime you are doing even at home. Tell her that you are thankful to your mil for having cooked and shared the household responsibilities.

Leave it at that. And enjoy your time off. Over the weekend organise a day out so you can all have a memorable time. Here, when parents come to visit, they normally take over the kitchen even if the DIL is not working because it gives them the satisfaction of having done something.

This probably will paper over the cracks that you had in your relationship previously.

chillbreeze · Jul 28, 2014

Hi OP, I guess your mil is cooking this time because your sil is staying with you. My mil does the same thing. Anyway it is good for you because you are having a hectic schedule at office too. You can pitch in during weekends and whenever possible. Tell your mil, "Thanks mom, your help means so much to us and makes our life easier. Not many people will understand the pressure and demands a working dil has. I am lucky that you are not like them." Gift her a saree or something when she leaves.

hubbysPrincess · Jul 28, 2014

Thank you so much , I am feeling very light reading your replies.

TheUnhappyWife · Jul 28, 2014

Agree wholly with all the three posters above. Just repeating it:
1.) Be thankful to MIL, even if she did it because SIL is staying with you
2.) Explain your hectic schedule to your PILs and tell them that sharing of responsibility by your MIL has helped you in concentrating on office work in time of need
3.) Pitch in during weekends and have some weekend outings

beingloved · Jul 29, 2014

Just thank her and also appreciate her efforts in front of your husband. Eventually, family is there to help each other at times of need

anmolhai · Jul 29, 2014

Thank her and appreciate all she is doing. Compliment the food and her efforts and helping you out.

hubbysPrincess · Jul 30, 2014

Thanks for Reply. As you all said i will give her a big thanks and a saree as gift (she wanted my 1 saree, its her fav color but didn't asked directly) when she will come over this weekend.