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Interation with ILs

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by pravi9, Jul 24, 2014.

  1. pravi9

    pravi9 New IL'ite

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    Hi ladies....

    very funny & silly situation for me...i am married for 2 yrs & living with in laws...as usual few UPs & Downs are always there with in laws but we never express or fight...but one thing i couldnt accept that my DH is always insisting u r talkative with me but u r not at all interacting much with in laws :( it leads to misunderstanding within us....
    after my office hours myself & in laws used to sit in living room & watching tv...i may browse somethg or read stories...we discuss wat dinner to be prepared like needed talks...more then that wat shud i speak everyday like general things? i am not feel comfortable to chat my everyday stories with them....if anythg imp sure i will convey...i fed up with my DH..he is not understanding...wat shall i do?
     
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  2. dars

    dars Silver IL'ite

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    Really it's not all possible to be yourself before PIL....after marriage every DIL might lost their original identity:drowning.

    I lost mine after marriage. In my home I have spent a day without even speaking one word to mil:shhh:….days are goes like that…I was not the one before marriage.
    I can’t be quiet for atleast one minute..Basically am a talkative person..Even now I am very social towards people whom ever I feel comfortable. but not in my marital homebtt.
     
  3. seekingbless

    seekingbless Platinum IL'ite

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    no fights because u two dont talk much. its better this way i believe.
    I used to talk alot with my mil and shared movie stars gossips, daily happening and update each other. also we fought alot. whatever that i might have told her in anger or excitement, my mil will share with her dd and the next day DD will make a huge fuss about it.
    after so many fights and arguments, i stopped talking with mil and sil altogether.
    we are in joint family. i only talk with mil whenever its nessasary, i try to avoid any communication with her as much as possible.
     
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  4. seekingbless

    seekingbless Platinum IL'ite

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    tell ur husband that u're still not very comfortable chating with your mil or tell u're scared that u might tell something incorrect or inappropriate. tell him u need more time.
     
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  5. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Agree with seekingbless.Tell your husband....dil and il relationship is a sensitive one and the more you talk..the more chances or misunderstandings and friction .Tell him things may get better with time.
     
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  6. TheUnhappyWife

    TheUnhappyWife Silver IL'ite

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    You are doing the right thing and it shows your maturity. Keep it up! Why indulge into useless meaningless chatter with in-laws which will lead to unnecessary and avoidable arguments and verbal tiffs?
    As for DH, agree with what he says, and keep on saying'I am trying' 'I am trying'. Don't get fed-up. Men become mature at the age of 42 while for women it is 33 (unconfirmed research reports).
     
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2014
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  7. kelly1966

    kelly1966 Platinum IL'ite

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    general chit chatting with MIL most probably lead to twisted horror tales which will be told to all and sundry.. at least in my case..
    I just divulge highly censored and limited general info.. nothing more and as less as possible..
    and I'm married for 20 years!!
     
  8. MaliniHari

    MaliniHari Gold IL'ite

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    Dear, you could tell your husband that you people do not have any misunderstanding. But tell him, it is not safe if we women start talking with ILs - meaning, the distance makes a healthy relationship. Not that they are bad or you are bad, some relationships strike balance with lesser the words!

    Well, if he really wants you to talk, you could start talking. I maintain a cordial relnship with in laws.

    Rules:

    1. Talk only on general things - price hike, petrol prices, newspaper topics.

    2. Dont start a conversation. Join the conversation.

    3. Dont ever give your opinion about relatives, and strictly NO talk on relatives and relnships.

    4. Know when to stop. If you know where the talks lead you to and if you do not want to be the part of the conversation, just stop and either change the topic or drop off.

    My two cents, it is better to make your DH understand, it is all for good. Tell her esp MIL DIL relationships strike balance as long as there are fewer words.
     
  9. cheenu123

    cheenu123 Gold IL'ite

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    3 months after my wedding, I started working again. When I used to return from work, I would find my MIL waiting for me with tea and fried stuff every single day. It amused me for a while but gradually I developed acidity and DH had to literally stop her from offering me such stuff.
    Then came the problem of space. I could not tolerate her sitting on my bed upon my return so for this also I had to play many tactics. Once one of her friends was visiting so I told my MIL to please entertain the guest in the living room or in your own bedroom. I cant bear even the thought of someone sitting on my bed.
    From next day onwards she started using her own bed much to my relief.
    However, during summers she again occupied my bed and told us I sleep here the hold day to save electricity bill by not turning on my AC as your room is airy.

    At that very moment my DH lost all his patience and told her very clearly to stay in her own room even in our absence and forget about the bill when he is the one who is paying.
     
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2014
  10. LotusAura

    LotusAura Gold IL'ite

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    OP are your in-laws generally talkative? Do they mind your silence or have they ever expressed it to your husband that they feel you don't open up much to them? If they have then may be you could open up a bit more; if they're perfectly fine with minimal conversations with/by you, then it is wise to not change the equilibrium of peace and mutual unspoken understandings.

    I'm very talkative too. My DH & MIL are more restrained when it comes to communicating whereas FIL loves hobnobbing a lot. So I end up having a lot of conversations/animated discussions with FIL about everything under the sun, just as I do with my own father. My MIL is the silent participant as we call her, as she's mostly just nodding randomly while poring over her mags. But it would certainly drive me nuts if I had no outlet for all my talks.
     

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