Helllllppp!!!!

Dear frends,

Background:
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I had a love cum arranged marriage 5 years ago and have a lovely 4 yr old dd. I left my high paying job after dd was born. I sold my old flat and put the money in down payment and bought a new duplex for which my dh is paying emis. I stay with dh and dd. MIL, FIL(working) and grand MIL stay in a different state. BIL and co-sis (pregnant) stay in a different city.

MIL is typical, cunning, irritating to the core, has problems with my looks, dresses, weight, complexion, child caring methods, cooking methods, house keeping methods ....so on and on. I keep ignoring all her comments thinking its just a couple of weeks/months that I need to bear her. Shes very insecure about her son and wants DIL to dance to her tunes. Shes very proud to be a son's mother and wants DIL and her family to bow down to her. MIL talks very bad about my pregnant co-sis to me however I don't give any importance to her talks...I just say "ok".."is it"..I need to call MIL everyday irrespective of whether I am busy, sick, outstation. She wants DIL to ring her phone once in a day otherwise she calls DH and complaints about me. She wants DILs to give her all the importance, please her, make her happy for unknown reasons. DILs should not browse internet, watch TV, wear modern clothes, talk on phone, relax when shes around. She wants DILs should also call her mother regularly to check on her mother's health.

On the other side, I have widowed sick mother living in a different city and married sister in a different city. My mother keeps coming to my place and spends around 3-4 months a year at my place and equally at my sis.

DH sigh!!!! Really don't know what kind of person he is. Sometimes he is very good with me and sometimes a typical mumma's boy. DH was abusive a couple of times and I also gave him equally hard times, so he got the taste of his own medicine and behaves properly with me now. Dh never talks much to my mother when shes at my place and never calls her when shes away. Otherwise he is a responsible husband and father.

I had many problems with DH and MIL which I kept ignoring all these years for my own sanity and for my DD and somehow survived 5 yrs of marriage as a stay-at-home-mother.

Now, the problem:
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FIL is getting retired next year and DH wants them to come and stay with us forever ( MIL, FIL and grand MIL). We are not ourselves able to bear our expenses after I left the job. Even though we regularly send money to DH family. DH wants a big Suraj Barjatya filmy family. He has no idea how will he fulfill everyone's expenses ( I suspect he will force me to resume work before he brings ILs). I don't know how my mother would be able to stay at my place ( shes old and sick) as ILs have strict rules that they cant co-exist with samdhis (DILs parents).

I have told DH clearly that I want us to settle down for the next 5-7 yrs so we pay off the personal loans, will have second baby and then he can bring his parents. He is saying its not in his hands to ask them to come later. If they want they will come. Dh is saying he cannot ask them to not to come!! BIL and co-sis are not seen in this scenario anywhere. They are lil babies enjoying their lives.

FIL, MIL are healthy, young ppl , Grand MIL is 75 but can do all the house chores on her own. They have a very high standard of living, have maid even for cooking . All the relatives and family frends stay in the home town however I really don't understand what is the hurry to come.

In this matter, I really don't understand whether the problem is my DH or my ILs . Dh is saying we will rent a nearby apartment for your mother so that she can stay here....????? Also, when ILs come, expenses will be managed , don't worry. He doesn't eat food, bother about my tears, happiness, whenever we discuss(fight) on this topic.

Frends, I really try hard to maintain my sanity however I really don't understand whos at fault here and what is the solution of this problem. Please help me out of this situation. I cant live all my life serving the people who just want me to serve them for their security and to satisfy their ego by giving up my own happiness.

 

shobhamumbaikar,han412,

Thanks!!

MIL all her life had a nuclear family. Grand MIL shifted with MIL,FIL just before our marriage. MIL enjoyed her life during her youth and now also wants to enjoy by reversing the trend. Also, I don't understand why my BIL and co-sis should not co-own the responsibilities. DH says his parents are not balls to move from here to there.

 

yellowmango, ur words give me some courage!!

 

han412, please pour in your ideas. I can at least try to implement them.