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Need your suggesstion

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by sanjana, Apr 21, 2014.

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Apr 21, 2014 #1
sanjana Senior IL'ite

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I am in my 35th week . My in-laws will visit me during my delivery and will stay for about 2 months. Last time they visited when i was 3 months pregnant and they gave me hell . If you read my last threads you will know how cruel they are and so cheap that i never seen even in serials .

Recently we were about to have baby shower ceremony where they made a long list of expensive items for them including silver items , dresses and all. I was not against dresses but silver items seemed too much and i had a fight with my husband. My H was then in sasural and there he told everything to them . I don t know what they told him he was so angry with me and even called my parents to show me down .

They all made me guilty even though i know i was not wrong . My MIL badmouthed me and my family , calling them beggers and liars and other things i dont want to remember . I called her each day to say sorry but to this date after 2 months also she angry with me and had stopped asking me if i am ok and how is my pregnancy going on .

On phone she many time threatened me saying "I will have to pay the price " ... and " Everything will become normal only when my parents will say sorry to them " ...

I told my husband but he ignored saying " they just angry with you .... i need to be patient with them and keep calling them daily"

I hate calling them daily but my Husband think its the best way to calm things up. And he will not listen to me if i will not call .

But this way they taking me for granted and think i am falling to their feet.

Recently i stopped telling my husband my husband that how ill and badly my MIL reply to my phone calls . But one time he came and asked me to "on the speaker " so he can also listen. He was then angry how MIL still talk badly to me after 2 months . He told me all stuff to be bold while speaking and all . He even talked to her personally . But later FIL called and threatened him " Nothing will go according to you and your wife here .... it will be always according to them"

My H actually is scared of FIL and my MIL emotionally put her words into his mind . Later he again started taking their favor and saying i did great mistake and need to sort it out.

My problem is .... my husband is nice and sweet when he dont talk to them but i dont know what happens to him whenever he come in contact with them . MY mil start crying and saying things to him like he changed after marriage .

I do take stand for myself but i get pulled when they start making whole drama and even involve my husband.
The way they thretened me on phone , i am little worried about me and my baby .
MIL is very gundy type lady and can go to any extent to prove her point , can even Lie at face , shout at extreme , make me do physical work ... etc .

Can you please tell me how i can manage nicely in those few months .... my baby will be so small and i be very weak to listen to their crap .

Also please tell me how can i come with different recipes ? they think there should be 200 different recipes each day .

sanjana, Apr 21, 2014

sanjana, Apr 21, 2014

#1

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Apr 21, 2014 #2

yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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Go to your parents place for delivery and stay therefor few months. Let your spineless husband make 200 dishes for his abusive parents.A man who lets his wife suffer like this during pregnancy is part of the abuse.I am sorry to be frank.If he loves you and your baby even a bit...he will send you to your parents place.

As for your mil.....any woman who threatens her pregnant dil with"you will have to pay" deserves to be behind bars.
Dear Op...If I were in your place right now...I would refuse to call up that abusive monster right now. Tell your husband what he is achieving by making his pregnant wife suffer daily abuse like this. Tell him why should you suffer because he can not stand up to his parents.

Please ensure you go to your parents place for delivery. There is not much you can do against such abusive people. Seriously ,those low lives expect you to cook and serve them in your condition?These kind of people and these kind of situations make me lose faith in God.

Last edited: Apr 21, 2014

yellowmango, Apr 21, 2014

yellowmango, Apr 21, 2014

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Apr 21, 2014 #3

tulipzz Platinum IL'ite

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Sanjana! It's my story 100%

listen, on! talk to your gynic about this and ask her help in sending you to your parents place. Spend good 6 months at your parents. Speak to ur dh just once a day for just 10mins. Don't get into unnecessary arguements.

Post on this forum 2months after you had ur baby. I will then help you handle your mil. Be careful with ur health.

I agree with Yellowmango.your mil needs to be behind the bars for threatening you.

tulipzz, Apr 21, 2014

tulipzz, Apr 21, 2014

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Apr 21, 2014 #4

sanjana Senior IL'ite

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Hey yellowmango and tulipzz , i appreciate your advice but it will only create bigger problem .

Here every decision is taken by my H and InLaws . Actually i dont want to put delivery pressure on my parents , they very old and retired . Also i want my husband to be my side in delivery . He is nice person , i know he is somewhat mumma's boy but still he do take stand for me .
But when he goes to office , its during that time my inLaws start torturing me mentally . In 3rd month , my husband even allowed me to put one maid for roti and veg slicing job. But my MIL could not digest it . Even though i had a problem of low placenta .

You both are right .... she is inhuman and my FIL always think about money. All the delivery booking is done and i cannot change the location .
All i can do is to suffer these kind of creatures. But i know she will try to torture me by fighting and sending away the maids so that all the work i have to do , also will redicule me during breakfast .
I am worried if she will try to keep me away from my baby . I actually dont trust her. She and FIL used to beat my husband when he was small . Fil even beat him till the bat broke (I cant imagine.... this child abuse). I seen my hubby crying because of their comments . But still he consider them his God and will never listen to me if i will tell him i am afraid of them for they threatened me.

sanjana, Apr 21, 2014

sanjana, Apr 21, 2014

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Apr 21, 2014 #5

tulipzz Platinum IL'ite

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Honey, in that case
1. Stay in your room all the time with the baby
2. Whenever she shouts etc, quietly record it on your phone
3. If she sends maids away, DONT do ANY work at all. Ask your husband to arrange food and do the household work (don't feel guilty). Once they realize that you doing work is not an option, they will be straight with the maids
4. If she takes the baby away, or does anything to the baby that you don't like, tell her in a firm tone that things are going out of hand and you will book a harassment case.
5 sit with your husband now and have a discussion with him. Tell him if he behaves differently or watches you being tortured, you will book a harassment case.
6. Cook when you are ready to cook. Then also, get maid for roti and subzi cutting. Make bare minimum simple food and rest. If they don't like, ask their to sort it out. Tell you husband clearly that cooking 200 recepies is not an option at all.
7. Don't bring your parents until the monsters leave

If your mil plays the old cheap tune " you took my baby so give me your baby" tell her you will give after the baby turns 25.

tulipzz, Apr 21, 2014

tulipzz, Apr 21, 2014

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Apr 21, 2014 #6

Nidhi2014 Silver IL'ite

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I am not sure how it all started with you BUT All this bull S is not at all good for you during pregnancy. You are not being a responsible mom by tolerating this. Your DH is not doing a great job here either, can you go to you parents home until you deliver? And then put an ultimatum to your DH to stop this sort of interference e in your life so you can live peacefully.

there are nice tape recorders available in the market, record her conversations.. And stop living in this hell..you can do a lot of things , I am surprised what is causing you to not react strongly.

Do you know there are laws like 498a to stop such harassment? Threaten them subtly. And see if this changes.

Last edited: Apr 21, 2014

Nidhi2014, Apr 21, 2014

Nidhi2014, Apr 21, 2014

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Apr 21, 2014 #7

Nidhi2014 Silver IL'ite

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Am I reading it correctly that it's YOU who needs to give stuff to your ILs for your baby shower???? I never heard of it,,,I thought moms to be receive gifts on baby shower....

Nidhi2014, Apr 21, 2014

Nidhi2014, Apr 21, 2014

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Apr 21, 2014 #8

tulipzz Platinum IL'ite

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Nidhi2014 said: ↑

Am I reading it correctly that it's YOU who needs to give stuff to your ILs for your baby shower???? I never heard of it,,,I thought moms to be receive gifts on baby shower....
Click to expand...

Even I was wondering, why are YOU giving silver etc?

My mil /sil kept on demanding things/money all the time in the name of tradition, rules etc. Just recently, even I started doing it. I told them how they gave nothing when I was preg , how my cousins etc got ruby/diamond sets from their inlaws. You know, they stopped asking (as of now)

tulipzz, Apr 21, 2014

tulipzz, Apr 21, 2014

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Apr 22, 2014 #9

pinky2cute Platinum IL'ite

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SANJANA,

So much stress during pregnancy is not good dear.
Your DH may seem sweet to you becausr you love him. But dear, if he felt same about you then ge wouldn't put you through all this Bulls**t.

My advice,
1. Dont do any household work. Let them face it themselves if they would do the work or let maids do. Just go to kitchen if you need to eat. Make your own simple food. Don't cook for them. Let them make their own food. Soon they'll realise they cant use you anymore and keep maids.

2. When your DH goes to office, go to your room and close the door. Lock it from inside if possible. Listwn to music with earphones or watch a nice movie or serial ...anything that makes you feel good. Just don't entertain your PILs

3. When your DH is in good mood, try to sit with him amd explain how you're suffering in this condition and that you would appreciate if he coulduunderstand you and support you infront of his parents.

pinky2cute, Apr 22, 2014

pinky2cute, Apr 22, 2014

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Apr 22, 2014 #10

tulipzz Platinum IL'ite

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Since you have no choice about having inlaws around during/after delivery, you need to up your game and beat them in their own game!

1. Always be happy and cheerful. Nothing irritates a nasty MIL more than this

2. In the absence of DH, act as if you are madly in love with each other. I used to ask dh to call me from office (when my mil is around) and give him updates as if he was asking me. This "concern" from dh used to freak mil out

3. Be VERY nice to them in front of DH. Once DH goes to work, go to your room and close the door. Do as Pinky2cute said above

4. Don't fight with dh when inlaws are around. No matter how hard the situation is. Don't fight with dh when they are around.

tulipzz, Apr 22, 2014

tulipzz, Apr 22, 2014

#10

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