Pls help me understand!!

Hi Everybody!!

I am in a fix..Pls help me understand..My ILs are coming here next week.They will be stayin here for six months.They are coming here for my Delivery.I am due in the last week of July 08.My mom is also coming next week.We have a lot of functions comping up during these six months.So i asked my MIL to bring few of the silver articles I left back in india for various puja purposes.Every time I ask them to buy something and send it through my friends or relations they refuse saying some reason and they ask my mom to buy all those things and send it to me.This time they asked me what i wanted and i told them that they dont have to but anything but just get the silver articles needed for puja.Initially she hesitated.I really dont know wha hurts her to bring my silver articles.For the Seemantham she asked my mom to buy all the sarees and things that the baby needs.She is very stingy.After all its my husband's money that they spend.Why can't they spend some money and get me something..why is she like that..even now she asked me if i do need anything i told her i dont want anything.i asked my mom to get all the stuff.I dont want to bother my mom financially after the wedding coz i have a younger sister who is studying and we are from a middle class family,but cant help..i have nobody in my ILs side who can do something for me.My MIL is spending Rs.3000 to change her spectacles but she refuses to buy a silver aranakodi for her grandchild which yet to be born.I am writing this post with my eyes filled with tears.I always think i dont want to burden my mom financially after the wedding but..i am helpless..i cant even talk about this to my hubby coz once when i spoke about this in anger he misunderstood me..and it became a huge issue..i am just keeping quite..Even if my MIL is ready to do it now i am not ready to take it..because when a person does something for you under compulsion and not wholeheartedly there is no value for that.Pls could anyone help me resolve this issue...now my mom is getting me so many things..but my MIL is not getting a single thing for me..but after much compulsion she getting my silver articles for puja purpose..I am dead from inside..I am only scared that there should not be any problem for the duration of six months..

Vedhitha,

Congrats !!! Dont worry at this time.. Cheer up.. nothing is not manageable if we set our mind.. I completely understand. Why not do this? Buy everything in Indian stores here.. you and your husband... get the small arakodi and baby stuff and sarees for you... you can tell your mom not to spend anything unnecessarily. Whatever you can do here.. make sure it comes out of you and your husband... that way you will not feel the pain of being a burden to your mother even after marriage.

About MIL not planning to or interested to do anything, unfortunately we cannot force anyone to shower love right? if she does not want to do.. let it be.. your kid does not need that... it will have such lovely parents and they will do anything possible right :)

So think that way and ignore all these depressing thoughts, its not going to help you anyway... As much as possible, try to save some few dollars per day and end of the month, go and purchase whatever is needed. Silk Sarees in temples and some stores are not that costly at all.. its very affordable..

So cheer up and enjoy your pregnancy !!

Hi Nandhu,

Thank you so much for your valuable advice.Sure will do it hereafter.Will try to be independent as far as possible. :)But i dont understand how to handle my MIL..Its just been a year and two months since i got married.

Hey Veditha,

Congrats Dear on ur Pregnancy....! My Advice to u would be Just Ignore....(i know i m not saying anything new here), but Belive me ....... this will only help u in maintaining a healthy and peaceful realtionship in future.

Many Mils belong to this Cateogry and its nothing but just to show their importance in their sons Life. So be Paitent . U will never be able to Handle anyone's Act or thought so better Be Smart at the same time Be Paitent would be the Mantra.

Cheers
vaidehi

Hi Vaidehi,

Thank you so much.I forgot to tell another thing about my dear MIL.She speaks one thing to my mom and tells some thing to my husband and tells me another different thing.I really dont understand why she behaves like that.Pls do let me know how to handle this situation.Now anyways for six months i dont think she will be able to do like that..but..lets see how things go about..

Originally Posted by vedhitha20

Hi Vaidehi,

Thank you so much.I forgot to tell another thing about my dear MIL.She speaks one thing to my mom and tells some thing to my husband and tells me another different thing.I really dont understand why she behaves like that.Pls do let me know how to handle this situation.Now anyways for six months i dont think she will be able to do like that..but..lets see how things go about..

Vedhitha,Congrats on your pregnancy.Dont think of all these things like in laws and their stay. What your MIL does is very common. Spinning one tale to sons ,another to DIL's parents . My in laws do too. My MIL she hardly speaks. But all the twisting is taken care by my FIL. He keeps telling stories to my husband and me .I have categorically told my parents not to encourage my FIL to spin lies to them.
Your mom will be here for your delivery.Please take full rest during her stay here . Even with in laws presence. Dont pay heed to anything your in laws say.Take rest and enjoy with your mom and the new baby. In laws tend to say u shud be up and working as early as a week of delivery. Do not listen to them .You need all the rest you can. After your mom and your in laws go u will need energy to take care of the baby alone during the day.
Silver items which u will get from your mil please use it for all pujas and leave it front of the god chamber in your house.I didnt give my mil any of my Gold or silver .I have my silver here and gold with my mom. Although she did ask i said i will take it with me.Once you have it tell her you will need here. See her reaction your husband's reaction and try to come to keep it with you.
Take care.

Hello my dear veditha,
let me congratulate you for you are going to have a baby soon. Almost every woman undergoes such problems, twisting and spinning of tales in every other house...but keep yourself calm and composed. ignore all the negative happenings. do not try to react to any of your inlaws behaviour. normally after delvery woman may sometimes undergo stress and weakness physically and mentally. so now itself start training yourself to be calm and cool. keep yourself happy now and always. that is more important for you now as you are carrying your dear littleone. no worries please..

if you do not react and keep yourself calm now, definitely your relationship with your inlaws will improve and it will become very smooth later. they will understand you as years roll. it will take time to get an understanding in such relationships. this is what happened in my life. you might have heard our saying ..time heals everything...so be positive,happy and courageous to face the life. May God bless you my dear..

with all good wishes
geeth

Dear Vedhitha

You are really amazing....say y? firat congrats!!!!
I said u r amazing coz as you not complaining to anyone ...but u asked others advice in dis situation....
this habbit is really great....the way u brought up should be gud...Vedhitha in my point of view v have to accept the people in THE WAY WHAT THEY ARE!!!! this is really important when you got married....we couldnt ask others y they are doing this...
after u accept their own way...try to go along with them....for ur situation dont ask anything to her...but say ok to whatever she says to you....i know its bothering u to agree her initially...but she is ur husband's mom.....think alwaz that....but if she asks anything to ur mother regards money like that PLZ DONT ACCEPT FROM UR MOTHER'S SIDE AS WELL...tell ur husband not to put trouble both of them ur mom and MIL.... if they think that ur mom has to all for u...tell him ur family position.....and try to convince them...dont argue in dis matter....
whenever you both are talking so happy tell him in middle...how ur mom bothered for ur marraige n how she struggle for ur sister...hope he understnads...this helps him to know abt ur family interior...instead of arguing at the time of need...
Give respect to ur MIL but no necessary to trouble ur mom.....if she is so hard...the only way is...be away from her...but nice to all the time.....
it is so importent that when she is here giv importantce more to her than ur mom....mom can understand ...but she/ this helps her to like u more...the only probs is between MIL and DIL is only a gap they dont think both sides like she is my daughter n she is my mom....
try this way this will DEFINETLY help u...u will be happy...and another thing is not to her for all please KEEP ACCEPT THEM AS THEY ARE....n another important thing is please dont upset of these stuff as u r conceive....u have to be in gud mind...reed Sundara Kaandam, strong personlity books and all the time think POSSITIVE...u will be alrite...my dear...if i have written anything wrong...i am sorry about that...

Dear Vedhitha,
Here comes my congratulations for you going to be a mom soon.

Such type of worries related to in laws are common.Dont worry about the silver articles. Even if she is not ready to bring them, you try to manage your pooja without them for the time being till you bring them from their place or you buy a new set for yourself. God will accept the poojas and prayers without those items and certainly you will get the blessings from Him. This is not the time for worrying for such matters but to give priority to your health.

Keep yourself calm and cool. For the well being of the unborn, you have to reduce your emotional stress and the stress for the trivial matters. Be positive, think positive and feel positive and let your baby in the womb too feel the positive vibes of yours so that the baby will be healthy both mentally and physically. Ignore your inlaws now as your health is important now. After some months, only you are going to take care of your kid, your hubby and you all alone and nobody will be there to help you. You take better care of your health now and it will take of you afterwards. Anyway your mom is going to be there with you for the next few months. Dont worry.

Listen to mild music.
Pamper yourself.
Have a nice sleep to give your body and mind enough rest.
Eat and drink healthy.
Try to do some handwork which will keep your mind healthy.
Pray God to give you enough strength to face your problems in a calm and cool way without stressing yourself mentally.

Enjoy your pregnancy. May God bless you and your family.

Cheers,
Lakshmi.

hi, I also wanted to let you know what the others are saying is true...100%..we all have these little issues, in same way or another, don;t take them to heart, if you do, you will regret it. Right now, your health and the baby's the the most important thing, do not comprimise anything for that...TAKE CARE of YOURSELF, and yes ignoring REALLY works, it is HARD to do, but it works!!! (trust me, i have ignored many, many things)...when you ignore the bad words, you will have no regrets, you will be hurt, but at least no regrets, if you say/do something against il's you can not take it back...no matter how much you may want to.....so the best thing to do is let them behave like they want to....Focus on relaxzing and enjoying yourself!
sash