Dealing with irritating sil

pkm · Mar 6, 2014

Hello ladies,

I maintain less than a hi bye relation with my pil after a series of incidents happened in my marriage life of which I have come here for your suggestion for some.

Character of sil : she and mil says she is the best.. Knowledge of anything under the sun. Never interferes in anyone's personal things.
For example once we all were in one room and sil's phone was ringing in the living room. Mil stood up for something so she went out and gave her the phone. Sil was very angry and made some sarcastic comments she don't like my mobile to be touched.
Second example my phone was in the dining table and fil was having his lunch. I was sitting in the couch. My phone was ringing and fil passed the mobile to me. She got angry with fil for touching my mobile. Absolutely I don't mind if someone passes mobile when they are nearby to it.

Other example was she got angry with me when I opened my dh gmail to download my visa documents. She said you both (me and dh) should not have shared our passwords. I thought it is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!!
here is another vent.

i am planning to do my masters here in usa so I need to show around 20000 dollars funds. Half of this we have here and other half as deposits in husbands name in India.husband have been asking to close his deposits and transfer money to my account for more than a month now. He have clearly explained the purpose of this.

Two weeks back: my sil told dh not to close his savings. She said to close dh savings when she suggests. OMG who is she to interfere in our things the one who proclaims of non interference.

yesterday: sil told dh to share if we ( me and dh) have any problems. She will be more than happy to sort it out.dh said we are perfectly doing good. She again gave promise that she will not share this with pil and insisted dh to speak out if we are in any trouble. I said to myself " excuse my sil, I am here to support my dh and vice versa. If we find it difficult we will seek our parents help.not you"

today: she again called dh and told him don't spend money, save something for your future. Huh!!! And the worst she told to share our monthly expenses here so that she can help to save money. Note ladies, though this is not my area of interest but even my pil or dh do not know how much she earn or how she spends.

my dh has been on my side all these days.. But am afraid of this b---h

Do you allow your sil to check your monthly expenses?
do you allow your sil to decide when you have to close your deposits ?
do you allow your sil to interfere in your financials ?

guesshoo · Mar 6, 2014

The answers to your questions are - No!, No! and NOOOOOOO!

What a cow she is being! You can't do anything about her hysterics except dismiss it. If she directly interferes with your stuff, you could use lines like "Let it go! I don't mind it if someone passes me my phone"; "Let it go! My husband and I are comfortable with this set up"

Don't be worried though. Your husband seems to be sane and on top of things at the moment. I suggest you continue being neutral. In case you start criticising her to your DH, he might get defensive. Just Focus on getting the money ready for your studies. Just prod your husband diplomatically to get the job done. I hope it is sorted quickly.
All the best

HasteRaho · Mar 6, 2014

Let her know that the unsolicited advice and meddling is not appreciated but that you'll let her know when (and where) she can help. Doesn't this woman have her own life and family to mind? I can never understand people who snoop or butt in this much in others' life without being asked to.

Also, let your DH know to not share too much with her and PIL about your personal lives because it's just more excuses they can use to "make themselves useful" in your lives.

my2angels · Mar 6, 2014

Dear OP

Read your post. In all the events that you said, did you even have guts to confront and tell her how you feel about it?

I would suggest you talk to her and tell her how you feel about it and not to interfere in your and DH's matters.

For now thats my suggestion to you. Speak Up.

pkm · Mar 6, 2014

Guesshoo: being diplomatic have helped me a Lott for all these situations. Dh have always been on my side. But I am fed up handling this lady every time.

Hasteraho: dh never shares any thing beyond the limit. Since this is a huge amount we shared why this money for? That we wanted to share with fil alone but this lady snatched the phone from him and asked dh why do we want to close? She will suggests when to do ?? Blah blahhh. For this dh said I am not in bad shape as he got irritated with her and cut the phone without an other word.

my2angels: when the mobile incidents happened I was newly married so I ignored. But now I no more keep silent if some comments come directly or during weekly Skype calls. But am fed up of fighting and back answering as this was not how I was before marriage.

indoc · Mar 6, 2014

Looks like your SIL has nothing better to do except interfering in other's business.. next time when she tries to interfere in your affairs.. TELL her to mind your own business..

scale · Mar 6, 2014

Omg. such irritating people are everywhere. First of all, don't be afraid of her. She doesn't have any rights to ask you all these things. You should show the face and strongly ask her to shut her mouth and keep quiet. If you are so polite then she will go further and start treating you like a puppet. They feel the dominant power only until we are calm. Once we start bursting out, they lose the temper as well as power. You should find a way to give her something nicely so that she never come close to you again.

If you don't want to be harsh, thne for anything she asks/says, just direct her to your DH. You don't say much words. The lesser the words, lesser the problems.

shobhamumbaikar · Mar 6, 2014

O My God! I don't believe there are same kind of people every where. My sil was exactly the same a couple of years backand would be the smae today given a chance.

She would be the one to dictate where we should go for outing and how we should enjoy. She would decide which train which flight we should take. She would take my laptop for use download and install any software she finds interesting and wont even inform me. She would so casually demand that my offer letter of new job to be forwarded to her before i decide whether this is a good offer or not. Worst, she was the one who told my dad before our marriage that he should provide my blood test report for HIV.

I think this is a problem that happens when parents of a family are not responsible enough and pass the responsibility to young of the family too early. At least with my ILs that is the case. My SIL was the supreme boss of the house taking all decisions rivaled only by my MIL who, anyway, didn't mind being second to her. And my Dh was the mere money supplier. My FIL didn't do much except for his braggings . Since I stood up to all these, I am the villain and my MIL slipped into depression with clear blaming finger pointed at me.

pkm · Mar 6, 2014

indoc: there was a situation that happened and as usual sil came up with her advice, I straight away told her to mind your business. Husband supported me. But its then she keeps interfering more. uppu pottuthan sapauduvangala (do they add salt to their dishes?)

pkm · Mar 6, 2014

scale, Yes i am polite to an extent. Always conscious that I don't hurt anyone by words or deeds. But all my good characters are fading away fighting with sil.
I used to be silent during initial days of marriage when mil asked me to call sil, but I never called her cos she shouted at me during the day of my wedding.
But now when mil tells me to call sil, I tell her ask your daughter to call me if she wants to speak.