The MIL and the DIL and their bonding!

The MIL & the DIL and their bonding!

Saroja was so very happy.Her son and daughter in law, who were newly married, were going out that evening.They may go for a film,visit friends and return.She never even asked them where they were going.She was a very diplomatic and discreet person by nature.More than that, all that she wanted for her son was a happy married life.
She went up to the main gate of the house with them said ‘good bye’ to them and came inside.Her heart was full of joy.
On the one side of the hall hung the wedding photographs of her son.If her son was handsome, her daughter in law was very pretty,small made,slim, fair with a beautiful smile on her lovely face.Her daughter in law’s name was Rani,apt name,Saroja treated her like a Rani only.
While she was looking at the photos,Saroja’s mind ran on a flashback.When she got married she was just a seventeen year old girl,full of romantic dreams about her married life .Once she entered her in law’s house in a village did she realize that her dreams had no foundation at all.The moment she entered the house, her mother in law stopped the maid.When there is live in maid,where is the need for a maid who would come in the morning and leave in the evening the MIL must have thought.The whole day,Saroja worked.She drew water from the well,washed all the utensils,washed everybody’s clothes,cooked all the meals and cleaned the house.This girl who led a sheltered life at her parent’s place,where from she got the strength to do so much of work ?Her MIL scowled at her all the time.The SILs who were unmarried, found fault with whatever she did or said.Her father in law and her husband were in their family owned shop from morning till night, not that they would have come to her rescue.The daughter in law was a superior version of the maid in those days and that was an accepted norm.
Saroja’s life continued in this manner,she learnt to look at the brighter side of life and was peaceful.Atleast her husband was not a drunkard and did not have a mistress, again an accepted norm those days.
Years passed by.Saroja’s son,Muthu was a brilliant student..He became an engineer much to he delight of his parents.By this time Saroja and her husband had become the head of their family her MIL&FIL having passed away.Muthu got a good job in Madras and his parents decided to come to Madras and set home with him.God had other plans,Saroja’d husband died.After an year Saroja came to Madras to live with her son.She went around looking for a nice bride for her son.After much perusal,Rani was the one Saoja liked for her son.
Saroja had decided how she would be with her DIL.She wanted to forget,wash away from her mind all the pain and insults that she suffered at the hands of her in laws.She did not want her DIL to wash utensils lest her palms would become like a farmer’s.She did not want her DIL to wash clothes lest her shoulders would ache,she did not want Rani to cook meals the whole day lest she would become tired and be like a log of wood in the bed at night much to the irritation of her husband.
She wanted to take care of Rani as a daughter.Rani should be like Rani thought Saroja..Saroja cooked the meals,served both her son and daughter in law.She did all the household work tirelessly.Rani told her MIL repeatedly,”Amma this wont do,I only have to take care of you.If my mother sees me lolling around like this and you doing all the work,she would kill me”so would plead Rani requesting her MIL to allow her to cook atleast for the family.But Saroja would not hear of it.She insisted that she would take care of all the work involved in running the house.
“You go and watch TV’,so saying Saro would smile.”Why don’t you go out with your friends if you get bored,or call them all home,I will give them a special meal”.
The neighbours envied this little family and wondered as to how after six months of marriage still there was no hiccups between the MIL&THE DIL.
One day in the early evening Muthu came home from office,and called out to Rani,”Rani, I have a splitting head ache, get me a hot coffee, please,”so saying he went into their room.Rani rushed to the kitchen to make coffee for her husband.But her MIL had already boiled the milk and the decoction was almost ready.Saroja told her DIL,”Rani,you go and take care of him I will make coffee and bring it to your room.”So saying she continued with her work.
Without saying anything,Rani entered their room.Saroja mixed the decoction and milk,the way her son liked,added sugar and took it to her son’s room.Before entering the room, she stopped for a second.She heard Rani’s sobbing voice from inside the room.
Saroja’s culture prevented her from eavesdropping on a couple’s private conversation but her DIL’S tear soaked words made her stand and listen.
“Look,I am going to my mother’s place, once and for all.Whenever you want to see me you can come over there.Dont think I will lead this wretched existence for even a day more”said Rani vehemently and continued crying.
“But Rani, my mother loves you so much you know,even inyour absence do you know how much she praises you ?
“All that is eye wash my dear”continued Rani,”Your mother is not so simple as you think her to be.She does not want me to run the house.She does not want me to decide what to cook for a meal,leave alone other things.She is so used to running this household that she is afraid that I will begin to usurp power from her.She wants me to look to her for everything,even a cup of tea”Rani continued her sobs,”And I am not going to suffer in this fashion.I will not come between you and your mother.I surely will not spoil the bonding that you and your mother share,that will be a sin.But I will go away,it is up to you to come and see me in my place,Ok?”.
Saroja stood transfixed in front of her son’s room.Tears were rolling down her cheeks..She wiped her tears ,went and sat on the sofa.She thought,”there is a saying in Tamil,’I wanted to make Pillaiyar but ended up making a monkey’.Like that I wanted to be an ideal mother in law but ended up hurting my daughter in law who is the apple of my eyes.”
Rani came out of her room.
“Rani,I am very tired,I think I have aged my child,will you please take care of the kitchen from today?”asked Saroja with a smile.’Ok,Amma,what shall I make for dinner?”asked Rani.
“You decide the menu my child,whatever you make will be fine with me”
Rani looked at Saroja.She knew that Saroja knew and Saroja knew that Rani knew what she was thinking.
Both of them were good hearted individuals who liked each other and wanted to be nice to each other.Since that goodwill was there, I am sure things would have gone smoothly in their family.
Long live MIL&DIL relationship!

Hi Mithila,

A very heartwarming post from you. In order to be a good MIL/DIL there has to be a mutual understanding and thats what is very important for the smooth sustenance of the relationship. Saroja reminds me so much if my MIL who has suffered a lot under her MIL and wants the best for her family. Whenever my inlaws come they make it a point not to stay beyond a few days lest any differences arise, they never interfere in the decisions between husband and wife, they have not even once complained to my husband about me(of course I have also not led them to any situation like that, but if complaints have to arise they can arise out of nothing also right?), they have never spoken ill of my parents neither have they grumbled about anything and most importantly, I have never, in my 5 1/2 years of my marital life seen my inlaws fight!!!!! My inlaws are certainly ideal, but am I ideal enough for them? Well, guess thats the question that needs to be asked to them! :)

Great post Mithila, i always enjoy reading all ur snippets- short , crisp, to the point and catchy!

Regards,
Purnima

dear mithila kannan,

Another block buster from you.Really enjoyed reading it.

I miss my mil a lot nowadays.She was a very bold,energetic lady.in early days of marriage, we too had differences.But very soon she understood me and i also under stood her.But god took her from us.I satisfied myself keeping her name for my dd.Exactly one year after her death,i delivered my sweet little daughter.We believe she is with us in form of my dd.

Dear Mithila,
Great post!! You rock IL!! If all the MIL's n DIL's would understand their limit and act accordingly....we wud see lesser post in family&relationship forum!!! But lo...not all fingers are same and thats life.

But your post was sure an eye opener!

a very nice piece presented here and i think all people with good intention should take life with the same spirit and move out when not needed..sunkan

Dear Mithila
Wow very nice story of MIL and DIL. Hats off to such a relationship. I always wished to be like Saroja. Actually I am a bit upset with this word MIL now a days becoz I was so happy that I wanted to get my parent in laws this time to stay with us and spend some time with us. My FIL was so happy that he could come and stay with us and enjoy with us. But my MIL doesn't wish to come becoz this is not a good country it is a backward, There is nothing to see around, we tried to convience her so much, her own son too is saying u come to stay with us and spend time with us, what u have to do with this country, but not ready, becoz of her my FIL too doesn't wish to come alone. Anyway this is life we tried our level best but it was of no use, country is more important then son for her that is what I think and sit quite but I feel bad for my DH and my FIL.
So have told my DH let us do that with what she is happy with.
I just enjoyed your write up and the warm relation you have brought up between MIL and DIL.
Thanks Mithila for giving us such wonderful stories, and teaching us the importance of this relationship.

Dear,dear Purnima,
Reading your comment was like reading a scintillating post.Very happy to see the ideal and wonderful relationship that you and your in laws have nourished and kept alive.Hats off to you.
mithila kannan

Originally Posted by purnima_2k

Hi Mithila,

A very heartwarming post from you. In order to be a good MIL/DIL there has to be a mutual understanding and thats what is very important for the smooth sustenance of the relationship. Saroja reminds me so much if my MIL who has suffered a lot under her MIL and wants the best for her family. Whenever my inlaws come they make it a point not to stay beyond a few days lest any differences arise, they never interfere in the decisions between husband and wife, they have not even once complained to my husband about me(of course I have also not led them to any situation like that, but if complaints have to arise they can arise out of nothing also right?), they have never spoken ill of my parents neither have they grumbled about anything and most importantly, I have never, in my 5 1/2 years of my marital life seen my inlaws fight!!!!! My inlaws are certainly ideal, but am I ideal enough for them? Well, guess thats the question that needs to be asked to them! :)

Great post Mithila, i always enjoy reading all ur snippets- short , crisp, to the point and catchy!

Regards,
Purnima

My dear krithika,
your words remind me of what my mother used to say .She said that it takes atleast a couple of years for the inlaws to understand the new bride and the new bride to understand her husband and her in laws.Both of them should keep their cool and allow the relationship to grow stronger in order to withstand any misunderstandings or difficult times that one may come across in life.
Thanks for your comment.
mithila

A great post, i am sure this will inspire a lot of people here.

Roopa.

Dear Aruna,
Thanks.You being such a warm hearted DIL I am sure that when you come to India on a holiday you will make it up and spend time with your MIL.
mithila