what should i do?

Just convey your feelings to her in a polite way .. also convince your DH to support you as its really difficult to manage in public to yell and make bad in front of others

 

Hello Nandini,

Your MIL is being a two-faced meanie. You really cannot talk/ explain things to someone who is being irrational and is behaving as though she has lost all her marbles. And your husband is wrong in expecting you to take the abuse just because she is elder. It is a ridiculous argument which will fall flat the second he imagines how he would feel if your father were to treat him the same way!!!

Tell him that you understand she is his mum and he doesn't want to go against her. Ask him seriously whether he thinks it is ok for anyone to talk to another human in this manner. If he spouts his same nonsense again, tell him clearly that you disagree. You don't want to bear it since it is all directed at you.

My suggestion is to stop discussing her with him. Just be firm in that you are not going to stand for nonsense from anybody, just because they are older. If he refuses to interfere when his mum is being a cow, make it clear to him that he should stay out of it when you are dealing with the situation.

I gather you aren't living with her. IMO the best thing you can do is ignore her for most part, which I see you are already doing. If she complains about that, continue ignoring!

I suggest you watch yourself in the mirror and change your body language. Chin up, shoulders back, tummy tin, smile, walk confidently. Be pleasant especially when there are other people. Others can make their own judgement about you. As for the harridan who riles you and shouts at you publicly, you should just learn to look her in the face blankly without comment, then look away eyebrows sky high (and sigh)!

By mostly being dismissive of her - for eg. playing with your child as though the MIL is speaking in Mandarin or saying "Poof! How old-fashioned!" or laughing "you can't be serious" or sighing, "there she goes again!" - you could reduce her nonsense a LOT.

Don't ever try to justify yourself. Just remove yourself from the place when she starts acting particularly nasty. Preferably before you leave you should do this - look straight in her eyes, very, very calmly and quietly say, "You need to calm down first"/ "Calm down. Then talk to me." Nothing else.

About not wanting to visit her/ go on trips with her, stand your ground. Keep insisting that regardless of the reason for his mum's behaviour you can not bear any more of her rants. He can visit her as often as he likes. If he can't keep her in check, you are not going. It only spoils your mood and makes you resent him for putting you through it over and over again.

Good luck.
G

 

Avoid and ignore her at your best .. If she is being silly act if you are not well or didn't listen or pretend to smile and stay calm and leave that place .. Be confident and show her that god and people are with you ..

 

Yelling is one thing done by my mil too.. That too for silly reasons.. I used to show my dislike with my expressions ( stare or having long face).. sometimes i move away from that place showing my discontent... I am gathering my guts to shout back at her.. I did that 3-4 times .. What ever it is yelling at us will spoil our mood totally ..
Avoiding her by not going out with her , moving away from the place where ever she is , not looking at her eyes , not responding to her at all seems to be better..
When I yell back ,she is in yelling mode for days together.. So sometimes I act as if she is non existant and dont respond and talk nicely with my husband..
After I get a baby , I will definitely tell to my kid in front of her.. 'ONLY foolish PEOPLE YELL AT OTHERS' .. Sometimes when I get upset due to her , I stand in front of mirror and ask myself ' do you want to lose by being upset due to her. consider herself as non existant and be happy' .. I talk to myself to keep myself sane

 

Next time yell at hime in the same manner to make anger..

Reply:
Oh..i'm turned like your mom, its ok what to do, you will adjust na, not an issue..

Tell that, in the same way your mom treating me...

To your mil:
Dont shout for un necessary and minor things, its not good for both.. One day i too will reply in same manner.. You will get respect, when you give..

You can dispense the same if the attempt not worked..

 

You are escaping, not facing..

It can spoil your relation.. Deal with her directly..

If you dont have guts, atleast start the war by showing long face to her when yelled..

slowly change your attitude, surely one day she rethink to point finger at you..

 

Ask him if he ever worries about losing your love as he has put you in this abusive situation.

Also ask him if he finds his mother's behavior acceptable...is he prepared that one day you will become bitter and frustrated and end up becoming like her? Is he prepared to live with a hot tempered ,shouting screaming woman who takes pleasure in humiliating others?

 

It seems there is no use in complaining to hubby ( likemy case) .. in my case my husband also gets lots of shoutings. he doesnt defend his mom and in fact he hates her shoutings .. but no one can stop his mom as my fil also is a victim .
You are doing right thing by standing for yourself . I am also trying my best by avoiding mine by not looking at her eyes , not being in the place whereever she is , acting deaf , going to office for long hours etc.. I know it is not a solution for me but since both of us live in different cities and meet sometimes it is fine..
Actually you need not feel guilty at all for avoiding ... I appreciate you for directly telling ""this is not fair.
whatever be the reason she will not put me down like this.She has to give me the respect of a women and a bahu.If she can't then i will cut her off""